What kind of knife? It would be less creepy if it were a Spyderco or Benchmade.

What ever happened to "Good Morning!" these days?

Do the same thing to her except with a chainsaw.

I don't know about y'all, but if I ever found myself in that situation, I wouldn't sleep at her house ever again, and I wouldn't let her sleep at my place. That's a life changing experience....

My thoughts exactly! She's a "keeper"...

Only reason necessary to dump a chick. Bro you don't wanna end up like that dude that got his dick cut off by his wife.

Lol awe that's cute

Hey #1 you're cute

FML is not a dating site. If you are so interested in someone, PM them.

paranormal activity maybe? #73 what did jeffrey dahmer say to lorena bobbitt? "you gonna eat that?"

Stand over her with a block of cheese in your hand and run away giggling when she wakes up

um wtf is the point in holding cheese over her?? o_O

Hey op check ur balls ....

Lol :D

What the hell?

GET OUT NOW

Lol ya 115 I was gonna say that. OP you should really check to be sure your balls are still there :P

"It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car."

HEHEHE 96 THUMBS UP

I swear this is the funniest fml I've read:)

ABORT MISSION, ABORT.

112- it would creep me out... 0.0

Lmao

What he woke up from a nightmare and sat up???

145, my thoughts exactly. This chock sounds like a physco women.... In sorry op...

She was going to perform a circumcision.

my suggestion: move to Canada.

Could I get ur Facebook? :)

i completely agree

FALCON PAWNCH!!!

And then he can have it reattached and start his new career as a **** star

What the ****? Nothing less expected from a blonde

112 I think it was just to make her really confused and nervous....or...er, mindf***'d.

Right behind you!

lmao, imagine if she wore a halloween mask

If this was me I would've jumped on instinct.... *dumps girlfriend*

At least the cops will have a prime suspect in his murder. Unfortunately she can prob plead insanity. OP I would run away as fast I can

Somehow, I think you need to get hold of the nearest mental hospital. Also, it might be a good idea to see how she reacts to the song "Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads

I'm sure ur not second guessing ur relationship though right! 8-)

probably woke up like "I swear I didn't do it!!!"

Did you check if you still had your penis? O__O

Lol!!!! Quite true!!!! XD I should do that to someone!!!!!! But I think it'd be rather boring waiting for them to wake up....... *pondering face*

hahaha I know, just waiting hours until they wake up xD I was like omg I should try it on my ma! it probably won't end well lols ill be kicked off her will forsure and plus she'll probably stab me with it out of reflex lols xD haha

I like your profo picture :)

Just get a chainsaw off and take the chain off, put on a mask and crank It by someone's vef

OP's lying. Half of FML's are lies.

Or his kidney! I hears gf's take those too!

Especially after their romantic trip to Candy Mountain...

RIGHT!!!! My thoughts exactly!

Guys, the first reply to this comment is referring to a previous FML in which a girl left her boyfriend after he gave her a kidney.. Not charlie the unicorn..

lmao

Ah yes the hot/crazy scale. The scale all men live by.

...himym? Also, I don't think any chick is that hot. That's just too psycho.

It might be time for a new girlfriend.. And u might wanna move.

If he dumps her I see a not so great ending for OP considering the circumstances

Oh you've got a point...

I has idea...he shold transfer his money and assets to a Swiss bank, dump her, get a permanent visa to Switzerland, chance his name and never come back

Why Switzerland?

judging by the current exchange rate of the swiss franc, I would recommend waiting a couple of months.

because switzerland is notorious for never letting anything out of their banks and/or country no matter what unless the first owner comes for it. so it would be hard for her to get to him.

21 So does she...

Touche 126. Touche.

Perhaps literally.