Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML
Today, I applied mascara directly onto my eyeball. FML
Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half-closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML
Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, I was laying in bed, scrolling through my phone, when my cat swatted my phone out of my hand. It hit me in the face and popped a pimple, which is now bleeding. FML
Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML
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Top comments
Trisha_aus 15
Eyeliners are evil...My friend almost had the same thing happen to her..except it wasn't a cat..it was me
itwasallyellow 0
Were you doing a cat eye? ;)
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Comments (146)
dtr73 3
Abrasion?! More like felinashion! Hahahaha
a2zx2 6
Be more careful next time :)
Skittlepickle 13
You don't know what those words are doing to my stomach. 0_0
imaginaryvoice 18
I read this three times thinking "What the hell is a cornmeal abrasion?" I got it.
happle 21
Eyeliner wand? Isn't eyeliner usually a pencil?
CaramelMacchiato 13
62 - No. Don't forget about liquid eyeliner :)
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
And gel liner, can't forget about the gel
iBanana 17
I got punched in the eye by an Alpacka a few years ago. I mean, no big deal or anything.
nado13579 12
Noor taught her ninja cat well. :)
lol0wnee 5
Get the eye patch out
ripresno 10
Now way dude have you seen that Direct tv commercial
kiran_fml 5
Don't end up in a roadside ditch. Switch to a dog.
alexroa50 0
Nick Fury style, lol
SauceySarah 30
Am I the only one who read 57's reply in the guy who narrates that Direct tv commercial's voice?
thatsucks42 4
Nope! Don't worry, we can be weird together! ;)
MDTeddy 13
I always thought that an eye patch can ruin your vision. You would take your eye patch off and have 60 40 vision instead of 50 50.
itwasallyellow 0
Were you doing a cat eye? ;)
reddudeover 2
Catipurr preformed head-butt it was very effective
GawdamitNappa 4
I'm going for a critical!
girlwithmoodeyes 0
when guys can feel themselves getting hit in the balls and feel the pain, im sure other girls feel this. sorry, OP.
itwasallyellow 0
...huh?
hahauRrcool 0
Im, not sure what you were trying to say here..
Il_Maestro 6
I'm fairly certain both sexes are equally capable of suffering corneal abrasions. Furthermore, I fail to see how testicular injuries relate to the FML. You're lucky DocBastard hasn't corrected you yet.
white16sox 19
Doc is too busy killing people with bad grammar.
BandWagonGuy 8
Yyyeeah, let's all mention a known FMLer for the thumbs up! :D I'll thumb you.... up.
VictoriaSchultz 8
Yeah.. You really don't think before speaking or typing
kiss_1214 17
No I get what hes saying , sometimes guys wince or " feel" it when I guy gets kicked in the balls , he's wondering it the girls winced or felt her getting stabbed in the eye with an eyeliner brush. When I read the FML I grabbed for my eye cause I imagined being scratched in the eye by an eyeliner brush.
Trisha_aus 15
Eyeliners are evil...My friend almost had the same thing happen to her..except it wasn't a cat..it was me
GimmeFive 10
I imagine ur comment in aziz ansaris voice :)
Trisha_aus 15
Noor thanks for the heads up...I better tell my friend she's wearing bat poop
omfgshiz 7
Huh.. So we girls spent hours in front of the mirror when we 1st used make up just to get the technique of wearing bat poop right.. :3
Addyy_ 5
I told you, cats want to kill the humans! Nobody ever listens to the crazy person...
Il_Maestro 6
That's because crazy people usually don't know which of their own voices to listen to.
BruisedGiraffe 15
Dogs can make ten different sounds, cats can make a thousand. Gotta watch those sneaky buggers
Addyy_ 5
I listen to both, and of they have a disagreement, I listen to the third one.
ShyAnn29 15
Well I usually listen to the fourth voice, her name is Amy and she's smart
blcksocks 19
KILL THE CAT
MattM95 16
Truth is. Cats are jerks most of the time.
supimnyancat 9
******* and eyeliner don't mix.
Mariebaz 11
Honey, no. Just... Just don't even try, if that is all you can put forth.
xxkimmyt 9
I'll save you! *trap kitty*