Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
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Top comments
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
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Comments (361)
ivyshade 0
wth...she's a weird one and talk about killing the mood
CallMeHush 1
Drink the milk, drink the milk.
sourgirl101 29
Funny^
metalmaiden 0
At least you were getting a handjob. If you don't like what she's saying make her give you head. That way her mouth is full. Duhh (:
tin_cup 27
I like the way you think
Bbaker789 0
haha I would have thought that it was cute
fishboy123 7
atleast she didn't make u drink the "milk"
KiddNYC1O 22
what did that fish do to you?... lol jk
CrimsonWolf1294 0
lol 6 and 33 win. 69 is 69 :p
Lorysa 11
Today, I was eating raviolis with a white garlic alfredo sauce when I read this FML and the breast milking comments. FML.
luluforever2 0
hahahahaha lol that's hillarious
perdix 31
That's better than "Shock the Monkey!"
laughingman 0
boo whoo