I was drinking a glass of milk as I read this FML. Lets just say I didn't finish the glass.

Us lactose intolerant people going **** yeah!

Aw c'mon, I'm eating cereal!

@ StormfrontX33 Ok dude, unnecessary

but did you finish OP?

Not unless you're a chubby chaser ;D *wink* *wink* 'nudge' 'nudge'.

Just an udder shame.

Her milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard??

Yes! Someone who actually does the wink wink nudge nudge thing

Heffer can be used as a term for a cow not just a prostitute wise one.

OP thought they were doing doggy style, but to her it seemed more like cow style.

This should have been first comment :/

The udder shame one

got milk?

Heifer is a female bovine that has not given birth. Cow is a female bovine that has given birth. Only cows produce milk.

110, me too

Someday you might change your mind about that if you find the right person.

Meh. If you have to talk dirty to have sex, you're not really into it. There should be no need for additional motivation

I read a story about a guy who tried to talk dirty and asked his girlfriend " do you like that you ******* retard?"

I once had a girlfriend ask me to try talking dirty to her. I'd recently seen Way of the Gun so the first thing that came to mind was me blurting out 'Open your facecunt, Imma **** start your head.' Needless to say that didn't go over well.

44- I think people who talk dirty have to be really into it to say those kinds of things...

44- People who aren't into it aren't likely to talk dirty to begin with. And while the "additional motivation" may not be necessary, there's nothing wrong with making a good thing even better. You guys don't have to understand why some people like to talk dirty, you just have to understand that it IS enjoyed by many people. Everyone has different preferences, and if it's not yours then that's something that should be communicated with your partner. It's not awkward for everybody :)

I know what you mean. I've just heard way too many stories of people who's said the wrong thing and ruined the mood. I think if I was asked to talk dirty, my mental state would go from, "yay! sex!" to "uh oh. What do I say? (insert random dirty thing to say) No! That's not right. That sounds really stupid. (other random dirty thing to say) No. That sounds really stupid, too. What do I do? Help!"

My husband wants me talk dirty, but every time I try it sounds like this... Not attractive. I'll just keep with the mmm, yeah, and oh baby's! Lmao

Tell him to milk you like a cow, apparently guys like it when girls say that.

He loved it, that's why he wrote about it on FML.

"I'm going to **** your ******* fanny off, you twat" - Simon from The Inbetweeners

Depends on what you say

I enjoy a little dirty pillow talk from time to time. Just as long as it doesn't get too raunchy. Name calling like "bitch" is a no-no but a few encouraging words such as "You like that?!" "That's it, babe right there...Don't stop!" Can get you motivated. And why not? I do have a voice to help express those feelings.

#125, that's not talking dirty, that's just direction.

Then what is? "Milk me like a cow" sounds like directions too.

I'm sorry but 55's comment made my day

Talk dirty to me *techno tune* dee da da da dee da

#135 That's what makes you beautiful!

#164 That "song" wasn't nearly techno. That was a saxophone.

What you called "name calling" is dirty talk. The other thing is not, those are just directions. In other words, you don't like dirty talk. Which is fine. Some people like it softer, some people like it harder. As long as both are enjoying it everything's on the table.

She was over weight and working with what she had.

Jackass.

The cow thing wouldn't have made as much sense if he hadn't

Clearly you don't have any experience with **** if you think only overweight people could be applicable to this situation.

Why? Do you consider being overweight an insult?

#15- but having big **** doesnt cut it, she has to be fat because cows are quite large too, which is what makes the comparrison better

More cushion for the pushin'

more tuggin for the luvin

Have none of you ever heard the expression "you fat cow" ? That's why it was necessary to point out that she was fat, it makes the metaphor complete.

#15, Jenna, has a valid point.

Agreed

down vote this comment because a winer dog explained it.

Wiener**

I've heard the expression: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". She just wanted the OP to know she was giving away that milk.

Me too. If she was a skinny girl would he still not want to "milk" her?

I dont, he does....

I've always thought natural breasts looked like utters when bent over. At least small ones. Like mine :/ I really hope other girls have this problem and I'm not just a freak.

@183: Small breasts are great. My wife doesn't have the biggest ones (not the smallest either), and I just love them - actually far more than the much bigger ones from my ex girlfriends. Guys have different tastes, surely you'll find somebody who likes yours. And just so you know: Breasts are pretty much always great for most guys, no matter how they look, so don't feel bad about yourself. Btw, if comparing then with a cow, I think the "bigger lady" analogy certainly fits better than the idea of a small breasted woman.

Nooo! Not the bacon!! :O

I kind of just fell out my seat laughing XD Thank you for that

Would make it even dirtier if op was Jewish

Honestly, I'd rather have milk than bacon. I can't make cereal with bacon.

Care to wager? I've got a bowl of bacon porridge that says you're wrong.

What are you talking about I always make cereal with bacon.

I wish to + this comment at least 100 more times

This FML posting was probably the best one ever, and this answer was probably the best, although it ruined the bacon for me for at least a few days :D - still, couldn't stop laughing

Flew right over your head, didn't it?

oh boy lol someone doesn't know what a "pun" is

Just like the cow flew over the moon.

#14 should be PUNished for not know what a pun is.

lmaoo

9- You just reminded me of that French model commercial lol. Um... bonjour?

LoL! I was so dumbfounded, it was literally the only thing I could think of to say!

in eastern Europe cows say 'shazzoooooooo'

I love me some big woman riding!

Hell yeah! They try harder!