Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
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Top comments
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
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Comments (361)
heyarnold69 0
wow. my girl is cheating on me or has a twin
jessicanicole201 0
haha that would be funny if this is how you foun out she was cheating on you
BrilliantBeauty 0
awkward.
mattm211 0
stick it in her mouth so she can't say anything. problem solved!
sourgirl101 29
Yea and then pet her head like a dog and keep saying "good girl, what a good girl" This is how she'll learn some words can kill the mood.
PhoenixFiend 0
Until she starts teething ;)
AznRobin 0
LMAO!!
JordynAlexis 0
Idea to get back at her: Next time you come, scream "PEEENIIISSSCHUUUUUUUUUUU!"
HeatherXCore 0
I second this lol :D
mylifeisaverage9 0
Yes! You are full of win!
jessicanicole201 0
haha that would be soooo funny
meliz37 1
lmao she finshed though right so y complain lmao
KillerGoldfish 0
Your girlfriend's awesome. "Milk the penis, milk the penis, milk the penis!"
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I've got nipples, OP. Can you milk me?
cchevy 0
I would gladly.
CallMeHush 1
I had no idea you could milk a cat!
KiddNYC1O 22
56- I got next
redtigerlily 5
lol kinda cute?