Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
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Top comments
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
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Comments (361)
Alpha35 4
i think she meant milk the bull
brettparish1 0
who gives a shit this is not an fml
melonsmasherrr 0
haha I would so do that
swimchic007 0
hahahaha I literally lol'd when i read this. :) my rainy day just got a little better...thanks op
Hated_By_FML 0
yeah, at least you're getting some. Which is more than a lot of dudes on FML can say.
Jonscarl 0
hahahahahah shes a keeper
xn8gx 0
Leave the girlfriend.....leeeeeeeave the girlfriend
xbeastx17 0
lol 130
davekron 0
Time to play the "Customer and Milkman" game.
Nakedsquirrel 5
What the hell is wrong with that? When my ex and I would ****, sometimes she'd pretend she were on an elevator and slowly go up and down, saying "Ding!" each time she reached the end. Nothing wrong with some humor during sex. Plus it's stuff like this that makes roleplaying worth it.
pich_and_love 0
@150 absolutely hilarious. :D
Rickyretardo 0
old mcdonald got a hand job ey iy ey iy ooohhh with a pump pump here and a pump pump there hear a squirt everywhere a squirt squirt old mcdonald got a hand job ey iy ey iy ohhhhhh.
2lovelygirls 11
This is absolute favorite comment.