Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a blowjob. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "What's that thing at the back of your throat called?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML
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Top comments
jleon 0
hahahhhshahHahahahahaha
Alexitis1 3
r u serious? that's Hella funny! u should b happy u have a sense of humor girl :)
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Comments (361)
waywick 0
dude if you're against her saying that, I'll take her off your lap...
xXSweetNightmare 0
Hahahahahaaaa, this is uber funny. So not an FML. xD
lynsieloowho 0
lmfao!!!! ur gf ftw
dinosaurzgorawrr_fml 3
today, I realized how sad and pathetic my bf is, noticing this, I took it upon myself to milk his dick. maybe he'll take my hint he's so fat he's a effin cow!! FML
xbraddx 0
next time you should ask if she wants a glass of your milk
fishboy123 7
95,really?lol
KiddNYC1O 22
you'll love to hang out with my co worker all he does is fish in his kayak and talk about fish at work lol. he's casually invited me to fish and I've yet to go. should be chill
fishboy123 7
you should go.if he knows how to fishbig should be fun.
rasellersjr 0
At least she wasn't chanting "Red rocket, red rocket sparky!"
flyboy5 0
I guess that is all the op can get when your 12
aaronfuegopop 7
ahahahahhahahhahahahahha she's awesome
Eyeliner_fml 0
lmfao classic