Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
aFreedom127 9
Nothing beats a good BJ.
Enslaved 38
Did you keep both hands on the wheel?
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Comments (155)
aFreedom127 9
Nothing beats a good BJ.
CaptainCola 7
Tis true, tis true
leadman1989 16
Tries to think of something that does. *head explodes
SpruceDread4578 13
14-Which head are we talking about?
gribbles 12
16 - of a beer of course!
Mr_Trollsome 1
Win for the best friend
RyNo24 4
Anal does
nalia18 8
Hes probubly just given i a tip
reaganomics 6
I would have aimed for every pot hole....
WaSiSimiLang 8
Damn don't you wish op specified of the genders of the new friend and of op's self? I have many different thoughts and comments for each gender scenario...
Xx_Dakota_xX 1
16- are u retarded? It's pretty easy to tell its penis head when 1 says "BJ" and the FML says "head" when everyone knows that means BJ
crazyladydaisy 4
61: are you retarded? He was commenting someone else who said "head explodes" so he simply asked "which head?" Read more carefully before you start making an ass out of yourself.
guitarnugga1234 0
Wanna give me one?
thebeautybleeds 17
I'm pretty sure a good round of ******* beets a BJ.
aus1095 4
79---Would have been better except it looks like your with your gf (could be a sister or cousin ig)
aus1095 4
Sorry triple post by accident iPhone..
aus1095 4
Would have been better except it looks like your with your gf (could be a sister or cousin ig)
RedPillSucks 33
******* Beets would be a new low in my life. I'd prefer a BJ (not a Beet Job)
lolthatscute 0
83: notice how she said nothing beats a *good* BJ ? not just any BJ, some people suck at BJ's. oh, wait no pun intended..
aFreedom127 9
Now I love a good hard *******, but sometime I just crave a good hard **** in my mouth.
Naitsi 19
did you join?
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Gotta love road head.
friedchickenpie 14
Like the movie The World According to Garp. Stupid kid... shouldn't have cheated with your teacher... you deserved it being bitten off.
friedchickenpie 14
That was to 46.
tzuriel11 9
So how is this an FML?
npalese22 2
...
pexy_fml 16
100%
Jonkbaby 23
I hope this friend is human
yahoowizard 16
I hope this friend is a woman
LlamaFlavoured 24
Homophobic much?
graham11 14
Do you think this friend is an animal or something? It's obviously a woman..
benderbot19 0
Robophobic much?
thisisafunnyname 12
oh i had hoped his new friend was a two headed monkey-walrus with rainbow colored stripes
RedPillSucks 33
@56 Why does the new friend have to be a woman?
imthatguythatdid 0
Doesn't matter, got blown.
downtime 13
89, Because not everyone is comfortable watching two guys getting it on, and that is the only way this could really be considered an FML situation, unless there was a seat to be cleaned.
UrCapsLockOn 12
if his friend was a guy .. would make it more interesting FML
Humanspider 18
Stop hating! Let your friend get that bj.
Enslaved 38
Did you keep both hands on the wheel?
redstone7693 29
Only the left hand
kirklandt 0
Awks
Jonkbaby 23
..ona Biyule?
CaptainCola 7
He's just trying to get aHEAD of the game
footbalperson09 0
i see you win
2O12 6
**** his life, not yours mate.
CuteGinger 2
I'm pretty sure he thinks his life is fairly decent. What with strangers giving him head.
Isoldael 27
That's where you suddenly hit the brakes (wow, auto-correct turned "brakes" into "beagles"... That would have made for an awkward comment)
Commiecakes 0
The one truly effective way to stop a bj. Hitting a beagle
BaconBoy75 2
Gotta love autocorrect!
Epic_Times 10
Aha, that comment made me laugh :) I can just imagine someone saying it in a serious tone while shrugging just for laughs.
feldco1 17
I would have slammed on the breaks and watched to see what happened.
dustyroaty 7
As long as it don't turn out like miss march...
tacovender 7
Prediction: CHOMP!
bananagrams 9
^^ I cringed when I read your comment
RedPillSucks 33
"The world according to Garp"
Nikki0228 10
I hope this friend is a female.. o-o
hermitknut 22
Would that matter either way?
iam_yummylicious 12
Nope! It wouldn't! I enjoy performing this act of mine and I'm a male :D
builditbetter09 3
What's that at the end? The frame of a car?
JinxosGirl87 0
Political correctness on FML. "Not that there's anything wrong with that..."
Jnerdy97 13
I hope so too