Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
aFreedom127 9
Nothing beats a good BJ.
Enslaved 38
Did you keep both hands on the wheel?
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Comments (155)
sixspades 0
I would have Sped up and stomped on the brakes :3
rjames0621 3
That's what I was thinking... Hope it's a female...or an interesting thing to talk about later...
rjames0621 3
That's what I was thinking... Hope it's a female...or an interesting thing to talk about later...
ressa_1428 0
Funny!! That's when you say, "god damnit! I told you not to start without me! Horny bitches, I swear. Never care about anything but *******."
ty1992_farmlife 12
Drunk friends will aways give ya good laugh lol
ArchxAngel 9
I don't get why you say she/he deserves it. It was either OP drives the drunks home safely, or the drunk guy drives and they get into an accident. OP probably just saved two lives today.
iamyourgod 3
Are you an idiot? The FML part is he was nice and drove them, but ended up having to sit three feet away from a BJ in his car. Even worse it docent say what sex this new friend is, so this could be even worse.
nickbucci1252 0
That's hot you should have if you could joined
RedPillSucks 33
An interesting trick to do while driving.
whorehey623 0
ii hope this friend wasnt another guy
irritatedone 5
I wish I was his "new friend"
CoolGuyJones 4
Good for him (: *thumbs up*
purplemonsterx4 0
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