Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, my drunk boyfriend called me by my best friend's name in bed. FML
Today, I got drunk at a party at our house. At the end, my husband passed out, so his best friend and I carried him to bed. His best friend is stupidly hot and I get horny when I'm drunk, so on a whim I made a pass at him. He shut me down and later told my husband. FML
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
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Top comments
aFreedom127 9
Nothing beats a good BJ.
Enslaved 38
Did you keep both hands on the wheel?
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Comments (155)
metallicshadow 16
as the designated driver you deserve a certain reward from this "new friend" as well
leadman1989 16
Bj Please tell me that stands for began juggling.
Enslaved 38
Juggling some balls!(:
gabrielbaby 9
With your tongue :)
ressa_1428 0
Juggling quite aggressively ;)
CadillacPimpen 6
It ain't no fun if the homies can't get none!
lmaoatall 6
Driving miss. Daisy. Hey, that can be a new nickname for him.
sabrinaFML 0
Wtf ?
Joshawott 21
One time my older brother was driving and his girlfriend started jacking him off while he was driving. THAT'S scarier.
mamoila 0
Did you get to watch?
ObeyCyn 4
Sounds like something I would do (if only I had a boyfriend)
jadee000 0
Why did I automatically assume that his "new friend" was a guy? -___-
kalporeara 8
I thought the same. Probably the way it was worded
iamyourgod 3
Because it makes it funnier.
cajekraze 7
Pretty sure that's the point
supercrack11 1
Well the op did't say "the friend" was male or female so couldn't be all bad
ImaginaryFoe 1
Your best friend made a new friend while drunk and the new friend was going to his place. Surely you didn't think it was to play video games or discuss literature. It's a little inconsiderate to engage in sexual acts in someone else's car without permission but if they were in the back and your eyes were on the road, it shouldn't be too much of a distraction for you. Let your friend have his fun. When he sobers up, tell him he'll need a new designated driver from now on.
RedPillSucks 33
I must be old, but for some reason, ImaginaryFoe, I imagined this big car with bench seats in the front. They were all sitting up front and the new friend was giving the BJ to his friend right next to him. Impractical, I know, but that was my first thought.
ImaginaryFoe 1
RPS, that would truly be an FML regardless of what the friend was doing. Being a designated driver in an old "gas-guzzler" is a special kind of torture.
barneystinson555 12
is his new friend a guy or a girl?
hannahmorgan06 7
That's what I'm wondering.....
barneystinson555 12
yeah i thought that too