Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
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Today, my 5 year-old daughter and I had the displeasure of walking in on my husband going down on another woman. I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that it’s been 2 hours and my daughter won’t stop bawling, or the fact that my husband threw the biggest fit, because I “had to come home too early.” FML
Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3 year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, my five year old daughter told me that while I'm at work, daddy has his wrestling buddy Melinda over. She also said that they wrestle on the bed so that they won't get hurt. FML
Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML
Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML
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Top comments
EmbalmingTheatre 0
O my god, **** your life indeed, how are you going to explain that to your guests. It's kind of funny, though *giggles*
24788 6
What the ****? **** your life? What about your childs life who had to witness that. She's probably to young to realize what it really was, but man I'd have to cut out my eyes if that happened to me.
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Comments (205)
luvable_loozer 0
invest in a lock for your bedroom and teach your child that mommy and daddy need "private time" once in a while....(duh)
chocolatechipsz 0
Ahaha, that's funny.
shelbeee 0
LOL @ #6.
LunaVachonFan95 0
LOL,I'm sorry but that was so hilarious. For the people saying ground her. Um,she's 6 for God's sake,she doesn't know. I'm sure she hardly knows what 'invading mommy and daddy's privacy' means. She doesn't understand what sex is,and that it's not right to imitate it in front of people (lol) and that it's something not to be 'walked in on' give the kid a break,lol.Maybe y'all should just work out the time you have sex,sometime your daughter isn't usually awake.
stargazer269 0
disciplining a child for imitating sex is exactly why the topic is taboo in this country. if more people EXPLAINED and TALKED ABOUT sex with children, maybe it wouldn't be so taboo. if it weren't for sex, none of us would be here today, so why not talk about it and teach children about sex so they don't grow up ignorant, misinformed, or scared about sex. talk to your child; explain what you were doing; explain when it is acceptable; be open about talking to your kid about sex. don't punish her for something she doesn't understand.
LilMissPatched_fml 0
LOL @ #6, and seriously, why didnt you lock your door?
Eiotlrd 0
I remember doing that as a kid. But then I'm a guy. 3 of us humping this matressy thing, and pushing each other away saying, "Hey, that's my woman!!"
xxmsp91 0
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAH OMG. EPIC!
lolo527 0
LMAO!!! Holy crap that is funny!
Zaggytiddies 0
Well at least your guest will know you are still sexually active either that or they will think your husband has a thing for the sofa.