Today, my boyfriend and I were at a park, alone, late at night. Things were getting kind of heavy and he started undressing me, when we heard a loud "Hey!" and a flashlight coming through the bushes. My boyfriend then decided to ditch me, while still holding my shirt and bra. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I walked 30 minutes with my new boyfriend from my chalet to the local supermarket, cutting through the woods. It was dark, but the moon shone bright and we had torches. He was so scared, he startled at every noise and even cried. When we got to town, he dumped me, and left on the next train. FML
Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me during what was supposed to be a romantic getaway at a remote log cabin. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex while his parents were out. They came home early, ran upstairs, and knocked on the door. Scrambling to find our clothes, we gave up and just hid under the blankets. They barged in, drunk and laughing, and tried ripping the covers off. FML
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Top comments
HonestTruth 5
Could almost say, he is a "shirty" boyfriend. Yep, I suck that much at puns.
homeboyangst 17
A public park is never a good place to let things "get heavy."
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Comments (106)
HonestTruth 5
Could almost say, he is a "shirty" boyfriend. Yep, I suck that much at puns.
Mister_Triangle 21
A for effort
GovernorGeneral 8
F for success.
shayshayshazam 14
G for G'day mate!
blaackandprouud 20
1- Your profile picture and your username fits your comment perfectly. Although I did find the pun humorous.
joshua1615 8
F for ******* awesome :D
SqueakyChipmunk 22
T for This comment has nothing to do with this FML
jellycorn 13
T for Troll Only Potterheads will get this... Will they?
nevershouttami 11
Why didn't you run after him?
zine_fml 5
Why does your bio say message you when that's not possible..?
Airman1988 9
Zine why are you trying to message a 13 year old when your 20?
OMFGLOLWTF 0
He is simply attracted to the female photo. Pedo?
hatesfate 6
15 - does your CO know you're trying to contact minors on the internet?
GovernorGeneral 8
It's the boobs.
Isoldael 27
Wasn't aware that adults couldn't even TALK to minors anymore without "subtly" being accused of being a pedophile... Geez people, paranoid much? On-topic: I'm guessing OP didn't want to get up and be half naked in the light of that flash light
legendbiscuits 5
Also, even if he was sexually attracted to her that would not make him a pedophile, a pedophile is a person who is attracted to pre-pubescent children who have not developed yet, not just anyone under 18 years of age.
p3mguin 7
No actually, a profile can be someone over the age of 18 sexually attracted to someone under the age of 18. Put at least 5 years inbetween then it's a pedo.
p3mguin 7
*pedophile* ~ profile
Senseless_487 29
There are actually different classifications depending on the age group. If he was attracted to a 13 year old, it would be called hebephilia. Pedophilia is if he's attracted to someone 11 or under. Dunno why I decided to put this; guess I just wanted to enlighten.
westcoastkp 13
regardless if it's pedophile, it's still ILLEGAL
Drigr 9
Damn 41, I will have to inform my mom she is with a pedophile for being with someone more than 5 years older than her... As much as I don't wanna jump to conclusions, it IS a little weird he is trying to get a hold of a 13 yr old that he doesnt even know over the internet. But, being a gamer who talks to people of all ages, all over the world, I will give him the benefit of the doubt, with the warning of, don't meet this guy, or anyone you meet on the internet, alone, in person, in a dark alley.
colliebuddz420 7
It's only 5 years if you are under 18 and it varies depending on where you are
westcoastkp 13
this guy is 20 and she's 13.... more than 5 years!
ygdrassil 17
Ready your Justin Bieber jokes for a list of chronophilia-related terms: nepiophilia–infants and toddlers pedophilia–prepubescent children hebephilia–early adolescents ephebophilia–late adolescents teleiophilia–full-grown adults gerontophilia–elderly people And people say it's useless to know ancient Greek.
NathanAtWar 4
I love your name :)
Zangetsu67 5
Froze like a deer in the headlights
94yhy 8
You forgot the last stage — necrophilia.
jojimugo 20
Prince charming huh......
AugustBurnsToast 14
Yeah really, more like Prince I'm a lil Wuss haha
homeboyangst 17
A public park is never a good place to let things "get heavy."
soccergurrll 8
True Dat
drunkandfml 11
Firstly, it's called a 'PUBLIC park'
domking1315 20
What's secondly?
GothicAngel17 24
26 - No shit, Sherlock.
RedPillSucks 33
maybe they thought it was a pubic park.
Slai_fml 3
There was another FML where some parents took their kid to a bench at a public park and said "this is where you were conceived". Apparently it was good enough for some people!
Rawr6591 21
if you know what you doing it
oneFUCKINword 8
I wonder if OP's aware they have these nifty things called bedrooms for that kinda thing, so people with torches don't interrupt...?
T1A2Z3 35
Ah lighten up. Where's your sense of fun? They were clearly alone at least
UrCapsLockOn 12
run for ur LIFEEEEEE !!!
GovernorGeneral 8
Well if she got her hands on the bra it might've been easier for the guy to explain why he was holding a shirt.
xXxJaGsTeRxXx 11
Souvenirs. You gotta have them..
SkoomaKi 28
Use a nearby leaf. Eve did it stop Adam looking, so it could work. Or you could claim you're a nudist.
KM96 24
Well half nudist anyway - it could work ... Saying she is a beginner. :P
onlychildFTW 34
Yeah. She's just working up the courage so she's a half nudist when no people are around. And if the one who found them was a guy I'm sure he'd like the view! Lol.
stej1985 3
just act like its your house and he's in the wrong for being on your property, and that your ex boyfriend is jealous and has gone for his shotgun. I'm pretty sure that will invoke an armed response manhunt for him. this serves 2 purposes, 1) attention off you as you become a "victim" 2) your future boyfriends will NEVER ditch you. of course it also makes for a good story which makes you look crazy..but if he wasn't running before he soon would be lol.
Saryrr 3
I wish my house's property encompassed the whole public park.
DjeePee 25
Well, it does when you are a squirrel. Maybe there's something OP didn't tell us...
scottsteiner 1
You can have alll my clothes n undergarments ;-)
KM96 24
Ummmm no thanks ... I'm okay :0
GovernorGeneral 8
I'll take them. *-* LOL jk.
scottsteiner 1
you like being nude dont you..nice ;-)
pdp_fml 21
Did you make a run for it too? Your boy friend is a coward for leaving you there. He should have at least tried to protect you by confronting the person with the flashlight.