Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me... - FML

By liveforpeace_ - 28/4/2009 06:27 - Canada

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

234313

You deserved it

13503

Tweet

Share

Does it taste good?

DINOSAURS!!

Nice neighborhood

By wideawakeandinpain - 17/12/2011 11:09 - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31924

You deserved it

3099

Tweet

Share

By Morrowindwhore - 10/8/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25725

You deserved it

67458

Tweet

Share

By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40560

You deserved it

7869

Tweet

Share

By illiterate - 17/6/2011 04:16 - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11172

You deserved it

32893

Tweet

Share

By powerless - 14/8/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

By Nikki - 18/3/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35969

You deserved it

90990

Tweet

Share

By Soaked - 31/7/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, there was a 10-minute cloudburst. It started 30 seconds after I parked my car and ended 30 seconds after I arrived at the office. Now the sun is shining, the sky is blue, and I look like I took a shower fully clothed. Oh, and I'm wearing thin white pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46081

You deserved it

7929

Tweet

Share

By Hannah - 13/6/2013 16:19 - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67038

You deserved it

5998

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/11/2012 19:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32337

You deserved it

2762

Tweet

Share

By Mouhahaa - 9/5/2012 03:48 - France

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21571

You deserved it

36180

Tweet

Share

By jimboxo - 26/4/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56512

You deserved it

10794

Tweet

Share

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32684

You deserved it

4790

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 14:09 - Australia

Today, I went into work and noticed one of my fellow colleagues had a large bunch of flowers on her desk. As soon as I saw her, I immediately said, "Happy Birthday!" Everyone went quiet. It wasn't her birthday; her father had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22409

You deserved it

56581

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2014 05:06 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly at the last of it, looked up smiling and said "thanks". The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38651

You deserved it

11307

Tweet

Share

By moodyreallyrocks - 9/7/2012 00:30 - United States - Mayfield

Today, my wife is giving birth to our first born. I am an officer stationed overseas. Apparently, I am not only missing the birth, but I also missed the conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62683

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27339

You deserved it

6052

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 14:26 - Italy - Bologna

Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11802

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1225

Tweet

Share

By byebyeromance - 26/8/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39173

You deserved it

5000

Tweet

Share

By silverstar189 - 1/1/2010 15:41 - United States

Today, the 6 year old girl I was babysitting asked me, "Why are you so ugly? Are you an alien? Because aliens are about as ugly as you are." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39137

You deserved it

3941

Tweet

Share

By busybee - 10/5/2009 03:38 - United States

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65538

You deserved it

5804

Tweet

Share

By Holls - 12/4/2012 13:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27732

You deserved it

14083

Tweet

Share

By for fuck sake dad - 2/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33826

You deserved it

3435

Tweet

Share

By Toilettrash - 6/7/2012 10:51 - United States

Today, I was brutally dumped over webcam, by my boyfriend, who was taking a dump with the laptop on his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30822

You deserved it

2863

Tweet

Share

By aninc - 28/6/2019 23:15 - United States - Boise

Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2198

You deserved it

153

Tweet

Share

By PizzaNIF - 13/7/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14634

You deserved it

1311

Tweet

Share

By socks - 21/9/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48685

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By -_- - 21/9/2017 16:00

Google Maps strikes again!

Today, I went shopping for some nice clothing for work. Annoyed that the first two stores I went to didn't have anything, I drove to a store in an unfamiliar part of the city. Not only did Google Maps direct me to a store that doesn't exist, but my car broke down in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2722

You deserved it

260

Tweet

Share

By Laura - 27/5/2014 15:58 - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stayed away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

50258

You deserved it

4114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2014 04:53 - United States - Muncie

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56543

You deserved it

13163

Tweet

Share

By Kay Jacline Salvatierra - 15/4/2020 05:00

Shivering Herbert

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1867

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By slut - 29/8/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14313

You deserved it

59064

Tweet

Share

By owmyhead - 11/4/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30246

You deserved it

3125

Tweet

Share

By that_culinary_degree_though - 13/5/2014 02:46 - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41236

You deserved it

5113

Tweet

Share

By kerripjones - 14/7/2015 19:44 - United States - Newark

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27125

You deserved it

2094

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2012 18:21 - United States

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11526

You deserved it

24262

Tweet

Share

By LuckySperm - 12/8/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36273

You deserved it

3097

Tweet

Share

By CaoiiBieber - 17/7/2011 19:15 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20157

You deserved it

38718

Tweet

Share

By Busted - 31/12/2010 20:52 - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28097

You deserved it

8520

Tweet

Share

By BenFiggy - 21/4/2016 13:28 - United States - Brick

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21610

You deserved it

2576

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/9/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25998

You deserved it

2765

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#150700 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:05

Well atleast he has good taste in music

By Spadiethestar | 0

#150714 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:08

Aouch.. poor you.. Well at least you know where you stand with this worm of a man.... And, btw, sorry to have to say that, but get yourself checked for STD, such a loser may have fooled around without protection...

Comments

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#150700 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

lil_jkt | 0

#457157 - Tuesday 4 August 2009 22:20

@ #1
best reply, bro..lmao

Reply

jimjones_fml | 0

#486505 - Friday 14 August 2009 18:47

no woman no cry!!!

Reply

paramorefan125 | 0

#878429 - Sunday 21 February 2010 11:54

lol my thots exactly

Reply

z620 | 0

#881333 - Monday 22 February 2010 6:18

don't worry about a thing because every little thing is gonna be alright

By greenman_fml | 0

#150707 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:06

Have a three-some, push both off mountain. You win

Reply

iwanina | 0

#972310 - Thursday 1 April 2010 1:27

no, I think you win

Reply

ncvolley123 | 8

#1149901 - Wednesday 28 July 2010 0:21

u r an old perv. u remind me of the rapest in the lovely bones.

Reply

ThatGuyWithHair | 0

#1241643 - Saturday 14 August 2010 21:56

Learn to spell you douchebag.

Reply

vollyball921 | 0

#1286628 - Sunday 22 August 2010 21:50

178- lmao thts wut I was thinkin xD

Reply

festivalham | 0

#1581057 - Thursday 21 October 2010 14:57

SO TRUE!!

Reply

kari1991 | 0

#1912944 - Friday 31 December 2011 12:42

178, I thought that too!!

Reply

wiggs5 | 0

#2231230 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 22:23

181: says the girl who can't spell herself?

Reply

hansbaby | 0

#2336300 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 9:45

192- she wasn't talking about the spelling, she was talking about the lovely bones rapist person.

Reply

ky765 | 0

#2499629 - Friday 13 May 2011 0:16

he def does but book was btter

By davidomke | 0

#150708 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:07

wow, what a jerk

2, you rock :P

By Spadiethestar | 0

#150714 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:08

Aouch.. poor you.. Well at least you know where you stand with this worm of a man.... And, btw, sorry to have to say that, but get yourself checked for STD, such a loser may have fooled around without protection...

By Jimboom | 11

#150719 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:09

[email protected] #2! Awesome!

But yea, push them both off. You already got the secluded spot. Would be a shame not to make good use of it. ;-)

By qwerty3 | 0

#150724 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:11

#2 - hahah nice :) good idea

and yeah that sucks, but better that you found out..

By rukusrazor | 0

#150725 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:11

No Woman, No cry!

No.

Woman.

No.

Cry.

Reply

mal2012 | 4

#4628079 - Friday 29 June 2012 1:11

Number 8
LMAOOOOO!!! Ur response is hilarious.

But Op! Thats sucks. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!

By shaBAMalex | 0

#150726 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:11

What are the odds, eh?

Reply

jsx12345 | 0

#2851539 - Saturday 9 July 2011 1:27

are you dtf?

By Jemm_fml | 29

#150727 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:12

#2, #6: epic win. OP: Set the bush on fire first THEN follow #6's advice after the fire's spread a bit.

#8: LOL

By mindylou | 1

#150743 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 16:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

mooshibear140 | 4

#852885 - Saturday 13 February 2010 21:45

who said they had sex in the bush? all she said was she and her boyfriend went there on her first date. -.-

Reply

mal2012 | 4

#4628085 - Friday 29 June 2012 1:12

Number 12.
U are dismissed
Go sit down

Reply

Seirye | 2

#4687718 - Saturday 14 July 2012 22:38

She didn't say anything about HER having sex with him, dumbass. Did you even read all of it?