Intimacy: Felt cute, might delete later - FML

Felt cute, might delete later

By nopanties - 04/03/2013 05:11 - United States - Durham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 726

You deserved it 6 425

Empathy lives

Technologically challenged

Blue Christmas

By Anonymous - 15/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, my dad decided to clean out my car and "accidentally" threw away my $520 tax refund check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 073

You deserved it 6 797

Oops.

By Anonymous - 18/11/2017 01:30

Today, within 24 hours at my new security job, I accidentally tasered the head of security in the groin, causing him to piss himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 1 077

By The Draught of Living Death - 17/07/2018 15:00

Today, I shared an elevator alone with an attractive co-worker. On our way up, she let out a loud, noxious rip. She covered her nose and mouth while giving me an accusing look, as I said with a straight face, "Excuse you." Later, I received a note from HR for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 528

You deserved it 258

Can't wait for the next time

By cowboy_gold - 25/01/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 475

By KingUrge - 26/04/2013 08:36 - United States - Victorville

Today, as I was walking down the street, a car full of hot girls pulled up and asked if I wanted to party; obviously, I said yes. They then shot at me with party poppers and threw party food all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 328

You deserved it 9 677

By tgpgs - 19/01/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 077

You deserved it 3 961

Mom of the year

By Darice - 08/08/2020 05:03

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 163

Nun the wiser

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 442

You deserved it 100

By Rejected. - 22/11/2009 17:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 232

You deserved it 3 907

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 811

You deserved it 3 735

Compassion

By Anemity_is_my_name - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 73

By dumbassgrad - 12/12/2012 19:14 - United States - El Monte

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 333

You deserved it 38 394

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 342

By for the love of god - 14/05/2013 21:35 - United States

Today, my 55 year-old mother faked a pregnancy because she was jealous of all the attention I've been getting since I had my twin boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 321

You deserved it 2 997

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 12:18

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 679

You deserved it 5 852

Totally worth it

By Charity Taylor - 05/10/2019 18:00

Today, after 8 years of being guinea-pigged for medical testing that "might work" on my ribcage for chronic pain, I finally caved and tried going to a pain clinic. The doctors' responses mostly consisted of, "That's weird" and, "That doesn't make any sense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 106

By hatestomove - 26/05/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs carrying a huge TV. Don't worry, my body cushioned the TV's fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 609

You deserved it 4 910

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 256

You deserved it 5 957

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock

By EyupItsLucas - 24/03/2020 13:35

Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 243

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite web-comic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 7 778

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 400

You deserved it 42 734

By Brittany - 23/12/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 570

You deserved it 3 502

By almost - 22/08/2017 16:00

Today, I waited 75 minutes for a roller coaster. I got on the front seat and it broke a few seconds before it started. It was closed for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 321

By beekie9 - 14/01/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 190

You deserved it 2 213

By Carowl - 05/08/2015 02:33

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 2 887

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 073

You deserved it 2 913

By Pregnant - 14/04/2011 18:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 025

You deserved it 4 507

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 05:38 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 962

You deserved it 2 444

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 10 712

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 12:43 - Canada - Bedford

Spicy

Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 763

You deserved it 1 520

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 06:39 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 822

You deserved it 3 416

By tingles - 19/01/2013 13:20 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he reached out onto my dressing table to grab the lube. He missed, and found the hand sanitizer instead. I'm not sure who is in more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 888

You deserved it 8 028

By brokebackanus - 18/12/2015 14:15 - United States - Detroit

Spicy

Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 492

You deserved it 7 785

By failure - 10/10/2013 14:11 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my boss brought her cat to work. At one point, I looked up and everyone was staring at me staring at the cat's asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 775

You deserved it 15 695

By teea - 15/11/2012 23:34 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, my boyfriend and I cleaned his parents' whole house while they were out, just to be nice. When they came home, they assumed we only did it because we'd made some huge mess that we needed to hide. I'm now banned from their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 394

You deserved it 2 554

Kids are assholes

By ohnomommy - 03/03/2020 06:01

Today, I was in line at a gas station with my 3-year-old daughter. A "little person" was in line in front of us, buying a pack of cigarettes. My daughter yelled, "No little boy! Only grown ups can smoke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 185

By skiittlez713 - 20/05/2011 08:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 178

You deserved it 16 516

By Amanda - 26/11/2013 20:00 - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 12 661

By jlmbull - 29/07/2015 03:04 - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 1 850

By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 449

You deserved it 1 958

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Top comments

ImWhiteBoy_WhoRU 10

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:03

Kinky...?

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:08

I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and happy and... Was he singing that song as tried to slip them off?

Comments

ImWhiteBoy_WhoRU 10

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:03

Kinky...?

patrickalamo 47

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Monday 4 March 2013 13:23

Dude looks like a lady...

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Monday 4 March 2013 14:18

I met her down in old soho somewhere, where they drink champagne and it tastes just like coca-coolaa…

sugarshane007 20

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Monday 4 March 2013 14:28

She walked up to me and asked me to dance, I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola.

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Monday 4 March 2013 16:37

Lo lo lo lo Lola

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Monday 4 March 2013 21:04

Yo yo yo yo Yoda

sugarshane007 20

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Wednesday 6 March 2013 2:17

Go home 88, you're drunk.

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:05

Might wanna clarify which underwear belongs on who for the safe side

thesubconscious 9

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Monday 4 March 2013 16:01

Well she said "my panties". Don't ask for an explanation

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 5 March 2013 2:31

Ahh they all look the same. Haha.

MisterMichael 9

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:05

I think he's got it backwards..

MrSassypants 32

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:07

No, he didn't wear his panties backwards; he wore it the correct way.

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Monday 4 March 2013 14:34

#7- I'm not sure why you thought that was clever, but for clarification: it wasn't.

zombieslayer83 19

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Monday 4 March 2013 15:29

#7, I've said it a 100 times. Sarcasm is lost in text. It was clever, people just don't get it these days.

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:07

Why was he wearing your underwear :O

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:09

I see nothing wrong with that, that are kinda normal for some people, and some people like women underwear, nothing wrong with that

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:29

Reminds me of the episode of "Friends" where Joey wore girls' undies and liked it! :P

dontpanic_fml 32

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Monday 4 March 2013 13:17

Because he likes to wear women's underwear.

jem970 19

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Monday 4 March 2013 15:39

Here is MY problem. They were hers, not his. He ripped up a pair of her underwear. If he wants to ruin panties he should go buy his own.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 4 March 2013 16:02

Agreed. And unless OP was on the large side or boyfriend was small, I'm having a hard time seeing how he would have gotten them on. I know I've struggled when trying on my wifes.... OOPS! Did I type that out loud?

dontpanic_fml 32

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Monday 4 March 2013 17:30

Panties are very stretchy. You should know.

mansen 15

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Monday 4 March 2013 21:14

maybe he was curious how a thong felt on, as to how most girls wear them all the time. It isn't a big deal. He tried them on, wanted to see or feel what it was like, why not? Fun part would be him giving a show. I had an ex do that once with panties and bra...of course the rocky horror picture show vamping didn't help with not laughing...

Phoebe_Buffay 14

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Tuesday 5 March 2013 0:34

He just looked so sexy in them.

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Friday 8 March 2013 1:28

I got -15 for thinking it wasn't normal, it's ok, we're in this together !

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:07

Foreplay switch up?

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:07

He could have been more careful.. I would have been if I borrowed my significant other's panties

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:08

I think it's time you two have a talk... It seems there might be some issues that seriously need resolved.

29dear 16

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Monday 4 March 2013 13:52

Agreed.

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Tuesday 5 March 2013 3:05

Like him borrowing clothes without asking.

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:08

I feel pretty, oh so pretty! I feel pretty and happy and... Was he singing that song as tried to slip them off?

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Monday 4 March 2013 19:29

I sang that

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:09

I'd really like to know how he tried to explain that one...

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Monday 4 March 2013 12:10

Looks like it's time for a long talk...

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Monday 4 March 2013 14:00

Or a short goodbye!

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Monday 4 March 2013 15:06

Or something silky and lacy in a bigger size

zombieslayer83 19

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Monday 4 March 2013 15:34

But, #44, The smaller ones make him fell better about him self.

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Monday 4 March 2013 20:59

It's either self esteem and larger panties or ripped panties and a more interesting sex life

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 8

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 125

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 55