Intimacy and Health: You want a piece of me? - FML

You want a piece of me?

By littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

agreeclassic 5 135

vote type 1 451

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

My chocolate

By oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

agreeclassic 1 048

vote type 1 1 810

Like in the movies

By alltern8ive - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

agreeclassic 30 647

vote type 1 5 166

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

agreeclassic 29 456

vote type 1 9 338

Major red flag

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 17:15 - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

agreeclassic 39 630

vote type 1 10 503

By bitten - 15/05/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

agreeclassic 29 102

vote type 1 2 797

By coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

agreeclassic 47 119

vote type 1 6 084

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

agreeclassic 13 052

vote type 1 1 108

By jacobscrackers - 01/08/2010 18:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

agreeclassic 47 935

vote type 1 5 888

Thirst trap

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

agreeclassic 32 932

vote type 1 4 283

By buttpain - 01/12/2016 18:29

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

agreeclassic 9 630

vote type 1 845

Next

TOP COMMENTS

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 January 2018 1:39

You said “Eat me” and he took you literally?

Mega Firebeast 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 2:43

what the ****

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 January 2018 1:39

You said “Eat me” and he took you literally?

Mega Firebeast 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 2:43

what the ****

Glowworm56 26

Tuesday 30 January 2018 3:11

The emergency room must have has a field day with this one!

crims0nangel 16

Tuesday 30 January 2018 14:00

On this episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER...

leeloo7 22

Tuesday 30 January 2018 3:52

Awch!!! wtf

boopingsnoot 24

Tuesday 30 January 2018 4:55

At least it wasn't your labia

carlosATX 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 8:16

Is your boyfriend a shark?

Lobby_Bee 17

Tuesday 30 January 2018 9:37

I love it when women smell so delicious I cannot help myself but to take a bite.

dwight7476 11

Tuesday 30 January 2018 20:09

He needs to take his time haste make waste

pjsr 32

Tuesday 30 January 2018 20:17

Or lunch

5th_point_of_contact 8

Wednesday 31 January 2018 5:32

Just curious. Does this guy have a large tag on him somewhere? Something that could look like a beacon? Possibly for tracking predators like um I dunno a shark?

DanielleinDC 33

Wednesday 31 January 2018 20:42

How sharp are his teeth that he could do that? Ouch!

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

agreeclassic 642

vote type 1 233

Today, I finally found out my suspicions about my 12 year-old daughter were correct, and I don’t know which one is worse: She's had a boyfriend and has denied it for the last 3 months, or the fact that my partner thought it was a good idea to let it go on for this long without telling me. FML

agreeclassic 385

vote type 1 752

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

agreeclassic 37 731

vote type 1 2 764

Today, I went to the bar because, I like to go to the bar every Saturday, but wearing a wedding ring so people wouldn't hit on me. But when I went this time, I forgot my ring and people still didn’t hit on me. So now I know it has nothing to do with the ring at all. FML

agreeclassic 289

vote type 1 1 033

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

agreeclassic 4 539

vote type 1 227

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

agreeclassic 28 938

vote type 1 5 077