Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML
Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML
Today, my boyfriend's tooth got caught on my nipple ring and ripped it out. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I was showing off my sexy new lingerie set to my boyfriend. While we were getting frisky, he got really into things and ripped it completely off my body, destroying it. It cost me $110. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML
Today, my boyfriend snuck up behind me while I was naked and whispered in my ear to bend over. I thought this was a lead up to doggy style but nope, he slapped a waxing strip on my exposed bum hole and ran off yelling, “No more hairy hole! No more hairy hole!” FML
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Top comments
Blackmail111 9
He's climbin in yo windows..snatchin yo people up
Bblock 5
Hmm i wonder why he wanted your ass crack numb....
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Comments (176)
hayleyydean 0
hahaha ass crack
HowAreYouToday 34
It's an atomic wedgie
KronikSplakkn 4
"love hurts" "No no. Love makes my asscrack numb"
CanadianPuckHead 4
What a champ
Blackmail111 9
Your boyfriends an "ass" I think you should take a "crack" at finding a new one. There's a "whole(hole)" bunch of dating sites 'but(Butt)" don't worry you'll find someone else
Savra_fml 17
Thank you (# 20) for pointing (out) your "play" of words otherwise we **** UNDERstand what [yo]u wanted to say
DanGleesak 11
Put Oragel on his toilet paper so he has a numb ass crack.
derper71 3
41 - putting hot sauce on his toilet paper would work too. :P
Mean_Mr_Mustard 9
52- I think he would notice hot sauce on his ass tissue.
phoenixslayer69 4
So numb ass + butt sex = good time had by all.
YacL 15
14- Love hurts? Not enough lube.
_Oblivion_ 12
20 you aren't funny, you tried way to hard.
nalia18 8
Next time ....edible thong...
Honda288 2
Win!
adam_mylife 3
This actually made me laugh lol
Synixia 6
Ouch D:
FMLandurstoo 9
Lemme guess. It wasn't the the thong that made it numb. :D
22cute 17
You need to get away and STAY away from any guy who is that violent or just rough & careless.
skullcandifiedDJ 5
is your thong alright?
stephan18 23
Well technically there was no ouch her ass went numb, bet she even let her boyfriend do anal since she couldn't feel anything? :D he thought it through
Blackmail111 9
He's climbin in yo windows..snatchin yo people up
SanDiegoGirl111 3
Hide yo wife, hide yo children!
Blackmail111 9
No no no no no It's "Hide yo kids,hide yo wife and hide yo husband cause they rapin erbody out there"
SanDiegoGirl111 3
Damn I ****** that one up!
thefirstAvenger 6
you dont have to come and confess we lookin for you!
lotrgeek 10
Hahaha!!! He's rapin' people up in here!
NoWarranty_fml 14
we're gonna find yo! we're gonna find yo!
Lily_lops95 0
And some WAffle fries...with some..with some Coke or somethin..
nalia18 8
We got your t shirt You left fingerprints and all You are so dumb you are really dumb For reals The man got away leaving behind evedance I was a attacked by some idiot in the projects So dumb so dumb so "ALL TOGATHER NOW"
elilucas55 0
lol.
KYLAisaBITCH 4
I seen the local news on that before it became famous!
You_Need_Soap 6
Great, now I gotta go to my YouTube favs and watch it again. Song's gunna be stuck in my head all night.
ukrage 1
You mean he's climbin in yo snatch rippin yo panties up
blackheart24 10
I love that song. Plus the dude in it looks like he like he just got done rockin a large bowl of white widow :)
satph 12
bout 5'9 5'10, coffee complexion, low cut like a ceaser, with some little waves in his hair, smooth skin, very smooth face, seeing my sister, when i walked in, he had his arms around her neck. first thing to do, was to pull him off of her... and that's what i did :D
Daralea 21
rofl. Did they ever find the guy?
sweetiepie2378 0
so run and tell that run and tell that run and tell that homeboy home home home boy
Bblock 5
Hmm i wonder why he wanted your ass crack numb....
Brice28_fml 10
Sounds like a fun night!
DrDilllonReese 12
4- to make it easier going in
flockz 20
no no no *clears throat* the boyfriend wanted her ass numb because he was planning on taking her to a picnic in the middle of an enchanted forest by horseback. this is where he was going to propose. but since his little pansy ass was going to inevitably get rejected, he instead hired a hoard of forest creatures that he planned on slaying one by one in front of her to show his love. this would impress op so much that she would HAVE to say yes! but what he did not expect was i, the great flockz of FMLtopia, will foil his plans! i will kidnap his soon to be wife and marry her myself!! hahaha *exhales* ya that's some gooooood shiiit.
GwarKitty 5
Tl;dr
Bblock 5
Or #45...
flockz 20
haha haters gonna hate.
tnlander 20
Surprise butt sex. Mmm mmm
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Sure, it was the thing that made it ass numb ;)
Ginkle45 1
Great time to try, you know, goin in the back enterance?
avatar0810 15
Wedgie fetish?
loroxe 6
Every guy has a fetish, maybe her ass is the most attractive part about her, heck I would of done it
yesio12 13
He likes that kinky sh!t
SanDiegoGirl111 3
Literally
KiddNYC1O 22
Do you, 7? Call me.
yesio12 13
Depende 44. Tengo mis limetes ; )
yesio12 13
But if you really wanna find out. You can ask my boyfriend.
danny0094 0
Hey
TH_Insomniak 15
I'll ask ur Bf for him, what's his number? ;)
codizzzle 4
Takes the term "butt floss" to a whole new level
blondie1208 17
im guessing things quickly cooled down after that.
CWright1994 0
I would message you, but my send message button is no longer "findable."
Smiff80 0
Hey Claire
fmlist99 0
that just sucks ass..
every1luvsboners 11
I really can't blame the man, thongs anger me also. They're just another obstacle in the way of the prize.