By OptimusVader - 13/03/2013 13:36 - United States

Spicy
Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 774
You deserved it 4 770

OptimusVader tells us more.

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.

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Top comments

perdix 29

Instead of you trying to turn it off, why don't you let it try to turn you on?

Quick! Hide it before they know you tampered with it! Butt, where?

Comments

perdix 29

Instead of you trying to turn it off, why don't you let it try to turn you on?

Devilpuppy0861 7

Cause when life gives you lemons....

RpiesSPIES 27

You make rice balls. And when life gives you rice, you make jelly-filled donuts.

xblair 11

5 - squeeze them at people's eyes

I usually make lemonade, but I guess rice balls and temporarily blinding people are two viable options as well.

Unless life also hands you water and sugar your lemonade will suck..

Perhaps I could have. You know, if it wasn't owned and operated by a 70-year-old woman.

@OP: Oh god D:

So you're saying its okay but you gotta wash it first? Good advice OP!

I never knew the op could respond! Mind blown! I here by declare all fml to be scavenger hunts. Name: FIND! THAT! O! Peeeee!

@61: it's a new update.

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

64: not very new at all.

5- You don't take it! You take those lemons and squeeze them in life's eyes! You have the lab boys come up with some combustible lemons, and then you burn life's house down!

Devilpuppy0861 7

No 71, when life gives you lemons... You fuck it cause life's a bitch. How has no one heard this?

#71 you stole that right from my mind; portal rocks! Now more on topic, OP, dildon't be so quick to skip a perfect opportunity.

59, I honestly have no idea how you got that message out of my comment. The fact that it's owned by an old woman makes it not okay to use it under any circumstance. There's not enough boiling water in the world that could make it clean enough for me to even consider using it after her!

That's a horrible idea. Who knows what kind of hygiene the owner has... smell it first!!

you make vodka and sit back and relax while life tries to figure out how the fuck you did that.

Stuff it back into the drawer, hopefully it will run out of batteries before the people come home! Haha FYL

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iOceanus 18

Which she couldn't find.

If it doesn't, I picture this: "Dear. Do you hear that? It's a faint buzzing sou - OH GOD!!!"

Hmm. Since you dont want to play around with it too much I assume (no pun intented), toss it back in the drawer and hope the batteries die. :p Good luck with that! ;P

Or hide it. Deep.

Bow chicka bow wow

Hide it? :) Would You want to be questioned by someone reguarding their missing dildo if you were Op? Or even silently suspected? ;)

Or OP could be honest, and say that while she was cleaning, the nightstand fell over and the dildo fell out and turned on, and she couldn't figure out how to turn it off, I doubt she'd get in trouble.

challan 19

When my home was broken into, among the many things missing (TV, computer, xbox) one thing was greatly missed.... BOB. I was extremely disturbed that someone would steal that. Just, why? So, don't hide it, take the advice and let those batteries run out.

That's gross considering that it wasn't yours.

hide it and hopefully it will run out of batteriesand then put it back where it came from problem solved atleast i think

What a brilliant yet obvious idea -- I can't believe no one thought of it before you! Oh, wait... Twatwaffle.

use it before the batteries go to waste

perdix 29

#9, ideally, slightly below the waist ;)

tsent8 15

Damn Perdix your on a roll!

Yikes!! Rip the batteries out and put them back in, that works sometimes. Then scrub your hands!

Quick! Hide it before they know you tampered with it! Butt, where?

thisgirl_cassie 1

I see what you dildo there (;

BradTheBrony 19

Dildid. You should have said dildid. But it's already dildead. OH AND I JUST RESURRECTED IT! Or rather, res-ERECTED it.

Why hide it? She should let it light up her day!

Give it to the dog (if there is one) then claim it must have found a bone.

They might accuse OP of giving their dog the bone... wait...

That's nasty. Put it way in the back of the drawer and leave quickly.