Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
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Top comments
Blacksxe 1
I assume they yelled: "Eat my nuts!!!!"
moonmonkeyman 6
So u are complaining that u got hit withs nuts instead of being shot with bullets??
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Comments (93)
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
What a *puts on sunglasses* nutty thing to do!! ^Ok, someone had to say it, so why not me?
pokefan813 16
Don't you mean why 'nut' me?
funnynesh 10
12- look at comment 5... someone had to say it.
daisy963 4
That was funny!!!!!!
frozenfreeze 5
At least a "drive-by peanutting" didn't involve anyone's testicles!
madiwoods012 6
Touché ^
baseballplaya5 7
They busted a nut all over you
tennisrapper1 14
Theyre going nuts for you! :D
tennisrapper1 14
Yes I know this pun was irrelevant to the fml considering he literally said he thought he was worthless. :3 You always see you're stupid mistakes in hindsight. Otherwise, you would never learn from them. :)
linkinpark98 24
Actually, they're THROWING nuts for you. :3
fuzz97 23
Life in the 'burbs is hard, isn't it
sparkrok 8
Don't worry too much, I thought it was funny too.
pookberry 4
As did I. :)
march_17 0
ppl these days...
ankoku 2
At least it wasn't a drive by argument! Ive heard those can get pretty ugly..
ankoku 2
Downvoted and no one even bothered to say "I disagree.." My life has now reached an entirely new low :(
Swiko 11
Oh God, that would be dangerous for me... I'm allergic to peanuts and just touching them gives my hives. D':
zingline89 18
Gives your hives what? Leukemia?
Birdie_Sage 0
Hives.... Bees? You.... Bee sting? Bee sting.... Allergic? Allergic.... Reaction? Reaction.... Hives? Urgh!! My head hurts!!!
micahsmommy 13
It gives her hives a frowny face that cries. She just put the period too soon.
soupisyummy 13
It could've been peanut butter. In that case you could've made a yummy sammich!
PandaPandamoneum 0
But I thought that you think soup is yummy D:
salsa324 0
Only when you're sick or a appetizer at a restaurant!
buckeye08 10
You would make one happy Squirrel.
sparkrok 8
What happened to that epic squirrel guy that was always leaving the *scratch scratch scratch* stuff? This would have been a good opportunity for him to troll a little bit. Too bad...