Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
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Top comments
Blacksxe 1
I assume they yelled: "Eat my nuts!!!!"
moonmonkeyman 6
So u are complaining that u got hit withs nuts instead of being shot with bullets??
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Comments (93)
DocBastard 40
Someone throws food at you in THIS economy and you're complaining? What's next, they throw money at you and you complain about them littering?
mandy_2480 21
That's right OP how dare you let a good meal go to waste in today's economy.
Senseless_487 29
No, they would complain about only being worth quarters, instead of dollars.
Fortitudine 3
Too bad it wasn't a drive by fruiting! (whoever gets this quote WINS)
sqeakyclean 7
Mrs. Doubtfire! I win!
ADuckOnQuack_fml 0
Hell I'd do it!
BrownSugar10940 2
Well an afternoon snack is better than a bullet in yur face
kerr888 0
Hey tht happend to my uncle, unfortunately he was allergic to peanuts....
MsConfusedd 27
Eat them. You have no chance of throwing them back.
HaniahAhmad 0
Just be grateful you weren't hit by eggs!!
doglover569 0
Planking, Coneing, now Peanutting? And this is where I live...
linkinpark98 24
What kind of nuts? Where they pistachio nuts? Those are delicious.....
perdix 31
Peanut-flavored pistachios, if you bothered to read the story.
linkinpark98 24
Meh, I just saw the word 'nut' and thought about pistachios.
Zangetsu67 5
Dafuq I only got pelted with asparagus