Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
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Top comments
Blacksxe 1
I assume they yelled: "Eat my nuts!!!!"
moonmonkeyman 6
So u are complaining that u got hit withs nuts instead of being shot with bullets??
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Comments (93)
linkinpark98 24
Or you could make strawberry jelly and confuse the shit out of everyone.
MR_RODSQUAD 11
So you'd rather be worth bullets than peanuts?
doglover569 0
Hey, squirrels would call that a lucky day!! ;)
jerseyboy732 16
better nuts than bullets
Rainbow_dumpster 28
I agree. :) Better than getting shot at.
TSN619 7
Well it would have been bullets but see the way my account is set up...
RikkiRoxxx 0
Wow, I guess you weren't that important to get shot at? Lol
asherm 15
I got a cookie thrown at me once. Wish I caught it so I could have eaten it while flipping the little ***** off w/ shit eating grin
Luckypringles 4
The bright side FREE PEANUTS!!!!!
DocBastard 40
I can't believe no one has pointed out the glaringly obvious error in the FML - you did NOT have a bag of nuts thrown at you. Peanuts are not nuts.
sqeakyclean 7
Legumes.
VaanBasch 1
Obviously they're peas made to look like nuts, hence the name.
nikkitete 1
You should be grateful that's all you got hit with.
abbyabb 4
FREE NUTS!!!!! YAY!!!!!!