Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
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Top comments
Blacksxe 1
I assume they yelled: "Eat my nuts!!!!"
moonmonkeyman 6
So u are complaining that u got hit withs nuts instead of being shot with bullets??
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Comments (93)
McNerdyNerd 8
I'm sorry, would you have rather gotten shot and bled to death? Damn the luck...shucks
ihavenosoul 4
Yeah, they could have thrown cashews!
desidude 0
Hey look at the bright side , you got some NUTS lol they should have thrown some beer along would be perfect!
skywalkluke85 6
Too poor for a gun, the culprits were, I see...well at least you walked away with just a few nuts in your face
Ghostrhyder12 0
you act like you would of rather been shot
daisy963 4
Haha seriously as if nuts are the worst thing ..although I must admit this is a rather embarrassing situation
jaredgiese 0
this is a pretty weak fml
awesomeduckys 7
so your actually offended that they only threw nuts at you?
yeongji 31
I would rather be hit by peanuts than say garbage, eggs, or something life threatening.
cmoney123123 0
Maybe you shouldn't suck so bad
THE_A_TEEN 28
The amount of nut puns are too damn high.
Birdie_Sage 0
They are driving me nuts!!!