Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went on a walk. I like to crush acorns as I go. One nut was actually a piece of dog poop. FML
Today, on the way to work, I was punched in the balls by a complete stranger. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Blacksxe 1
I assume they yelled: "Eat my nuts!!!!"
moonmonkeyman 6
So u are complaining that u got hit withs nuts instead of being shot with bullets??
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (93)
gonad_gobbler 1
The horrid memory of this event is going to....drive you insane.
PaulB123 11
Least you're worth something, right!?
pslcdsl 9
At least OP wasn't worth a watermelon.
traze 7
Suck my nuts?
pookberry 4
Fail.
traze 7
Was this a test?!...(-_-)....
perdix 31
You were a-salted!
Krirn 21
It was cashew were wearing the wrong colors.
nofearjenshere 12
Hopefully it walnut happen again.
rcgirl2 11
Ah Nuts!
SpottedZebra42 14
Just be glad those were the only nuts thrown at your face....
HaraAishi 8
32, the mental images from your comment...
biggerthanlife 0
Comn! Free food in todays economy, ill take a bag of nuts in the mouth! Teabag style (:
OffToTheGayBar 9
I've got a sack of two, that work out for ya? -.-
perdix 31
If you wore those sexy short shorts like I told you, they would have been cashews! (If you were female, macadamias.)
br0ccoli 15
I think gay people should band together and do drive by redecorations. They can come to my block any day! As for you, you'll have to settle for drive by peanutting by those damn runaway elephants.
kerr888 0
Stereotypical much?
br0ccoli 15
I wouldn't be offended if someone said I had fabulous style.
shinshoku13 19
Hope ur not allergic :3