Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
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Top comments
MisterJD 0
Gravity - you fought the law, and the law won.
Inkspell 2
wait-wtf? why is barely anyone messing with this guy about an attempt at giving himself a *******, that's...friggen disgusting..wth? some of you even ask how to do it and ..wtf?! Well.. i'm only 15..so i woudn't know..but jebus guys, what the blazing balls.
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Comments (202)
twitteraddict 0
sad git sad git sad git
TheAlxEnigma 0
autoFAILatio
gatorclay97 28
I laughed way to hard at this...
youhavenoidea 0
wowww lmao you know i t hink you gotta get your ribs removed for that 2 work, some celeb di it just 2 suck his own dick, i think it was marilyn manson idkk
buttercup1998 5
Yes it was
yikes_fyl 0
I tried for 3 days straight when I was 14 and I did it the 3rd time. 8th best head I've ever received. lmfao at this though def fyl emergency room & stitches?? that must have been fun to explain
zillia_fml 0
wow what a fag.....u desevre that.....freak
Mexicana243 0
is it realli possible? lol.
silentfirefly 0
This is one of the best ones I've read @21 Good call
Laid2Rest6661 0
Lol lets hope you learned your lesson
ramonajay 0
disgusting...you must be desperate. what are you gonna do skeet all over your own face?
chillgamer 0
Merlin Manson could teach u something haha