Intimacy: False alarm

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 764

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 242

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 263

You deserved it 3 504

Noise complaint

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 105

You deserved it 3 956

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 2 866

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 665

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 3 323

Keep your wits about you

By Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 472

You deserved it 11 685

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 907

You deserved it 11 994

Horny_Christian 0

Thursday 19 February 2009 3:15

At least she didn't pick up that you were masterbating.

AliSama 17

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

be happy, she was worried and loves you. also.. umm. being caught masturbating, and being comforted is not a fml. It is just a comedy, which ended with you knowing you are loved. A fml would have been well, far worst. lol.

Comments

AliSama 17

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

hayleyjames 0

Thursday 13 May 2010 9:20

allsama scares me... anyone else sit it will be embarressing if he scares no one else

hayleyjames 0

Thursday 13 May 2010 9:22

**shit

i8thelastcookeii 0

Wednesday 24 November 2010 1:56

hayleyjames, ur a douche. alisamas comments are usually smart and helpful.

DoctorKyda 5

Monday 10 October 2011 17:12

^ Kiss-ass.

blacklagoon_fml 0

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:58

Girl or guy? Either way that sucks. Did she know? Lol

HeavyTank 0

Friday 3 July 2009 12:00

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - sex - by dirtyhands (WOMAN) - United States (Florida) Do you know how to read?

zac12345 0

Monday 15 March 2010 22:41

it's a girl masterbating, her mom walks in thinking she's crying, and grabs her juice covered hands thinking they were tears, indeed an fml. ydi for doing it in a loud place

stephanieeDawnx 0

Sunday 30 October 2011 3:00

^^ maybe they're on a phone? It doesn't say on mine. Do you know how to not be a douche?

WaterPoloLove3 0

Saturday 19 November 2011 23:36

It doesn't even matter if you're A dumb ass, the symbol is pink...

gman123999 14

Wednesday 20 June 2012 16:50

Really? That looks purple to me.. Although that could just be me.. Oh wait I'm commenting on a fml from four years ago, not like anyone is going to see this..