Miscellaneous: You wanker!

You wanker!

By Nik - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 255

You deserved it 4 514

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Same thing different taste

By kinky - 05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 640

You deserved it 37 988

By whovian221b - 25/08/2015 22:46 - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 959

You deserved it 2 141

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 036

You deserved it 2 657

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 165

You deserved it 37 092

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 000

You deserved it 27 420

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 362

You deserved it 4 047

You OK hun?

By notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 3 329

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 199

You deserved it 56 602

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 518

You deserved it 62 891

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 422

You deserved it 739

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

Comments

BellTink 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 23:15

well....did you?

cthulhu_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:49

Yes, did you?

julzziee 0

Friday 13 March 2009 0:44

is that how you broke it? if so... your retarded. and sux cant do itanymore til its better.

Rickilynn1 10

Wednesday 25 January 2012 3:17

You're * sucks * can't * till *

andyyroxx 20

Saturday 29 September 2012 9:44

It's*

TrippingOnAcid 29

Sunday 23 November 2014 13:19

Wouldn't an abbreviation of until be 'til instead of till?

lmfp 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 10:05

A) how would she know? B) how is that even possible?

tacojauns 45

Friday 23 November 2012 21:46

while in handcuffs

RenRen_fml 0

Monday 20 April 2009 17:35

Hahahha....your mom is so cool. Next time, take it easy so you don't end up in the hospital again.

Lamesauce_Lala 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 7:56

Hth is that even possible? Minus the fact your mom probably just said it for the 'ell of it, Does she realize that's ALMOST impossible?

dearViena 0

Monday 25 May 2009 18:38

if you think about it.... that can be a compliment :D

turtlellama 0

Monday 1 June 2009 8:05

A) How come this only has 15 comments? B) How come the post thinks it has 5?

snorlax422 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 2:12

Wow. That's some intense masturbating there...

chanchito 0

Tuesday 2 June 2009 21:49

Well damn, I love ur mom if my mom was like that it would be awsum

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Health Awkward Jewelry Kids Fight Family Love Relatable Students Work Sleep Noise Animals Birds Mental health Medication Contraception Racism Cheating Pregnancy Relationship advice Teenagers Friends Intimacy Sex Embarrassing Revenge Food Cats

The Top

Today, and every time I try to talk to my mother about being a lesbian, she just says in the most condescending way, "Oh no you're not sweetie, it’s just a phase." The "phase" has lasted 17 years, including marrying my wife and adopting twin sons, but sure, it’s “just a phase.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 229

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 731

You deserved it 489

The Top

Today, after I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t text my boyfriend first in the morning, I haven’t heard from him in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 333

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 450

You deserved it 7 987

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 093

You deserved it 47 680

Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 101

Today, now that I've lost a significant amount of weight, all the guys that turned me down saying they “liked me as just a friend” all of a sudden are in my DMs saying, “Hey beautiful” and asking me out on a date. Nice to know I’m only liked for my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 300

Today, I woke this morning to my girlfriend asking me how many calories are in her deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 193