Intimacy, Awkward and Wanker: Overdoing it a bit

Overdoing it a bit

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 16:00

Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 1 123

Intimacy Awkward Wanker

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 12 November 2022 16:08

How close is your face to your dick when you're jerking off? And why?

mike3775 35

Saturday 12 November 2022 16:14

I guess you won’t be lying down to pleasure yourself anymore

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 12 November 2022 16:08

How close is your face to your dick when you're jerking off? And why?

mike3775 35

Saturday 12 November 2022 16:14

I guess you won’t be lying down to pleasure yourself anymore

Keywords

Miscellaneous Kids Weird Religion Parents Books Cops Pranks Annoying YouTube Health Dad jokes Love Bodyshaming My ex Relatable Sex Allergies Depression Awkward Housework Flowers Intimacy Alcohol Cheating Work Painful Accident Sleep Exhausted

The Top

Aujourd'hui, présentation de la future nounou périscolaire de mon fils. On fait connaissance poliment, puis n'ayant plus rien à ajouter, je demande à mon fils s'il souhaite lui poser une question. Il lui a demandé : "Pourquoi as tu le visage plein de boutons? Sinon, c'est bon, j'ai pas de questions." VDM

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 308

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 908

The Top

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 039

You deserved it 2 234

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 718

You deserved it 7 182

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 3 572

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 310

You deserved it 3 653

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 539 441

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 516

You deserved it 3 598