Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML
Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, I masturbated so hard I got a cramp in my forearm muscle so unexpectedly that my hand spasmed, slipped off my penis, and I punched myself in the face. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I had to get stitches on my nutsack. I didn't know my mom had waxed the bathroom floor, and while I was stepping into the tub to take a shower my feet slipped in different directions. I landed crotch-first on the metal door frame. FML
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
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Top comments
MisterJD 0
Gravity - you fought the law, and the law won.
Inkspell 2
wait-wtf? why is barely anyone messing with this guy about an attempt at giving himself a *******, that's...friggen disgusting..wth? some of you even ask how to do it and ..wtf?! Well.. i'm only 15..so i woudn't know..but jebus guys, what the blazing balls.
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Comments (202)
Windextor16 0
you must have no life man. im a girl and i find that completely un-attractive. please never do that again lol
NIC_R00LZ 0
why would you wanna taste your own dick? sick, man. i hope you end up cumming in your mouth. (; good luck.
deannababy 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHAHAH omg i laughed so hard after i read that. I just got an image in my head of you trying to do that and failing and just falling over. That is SOOOO hilarious!!!! and sooooo sad!! getttttt a giiiiiirl!
UncleverName_FYL 0
If you do this, whIf you do this, whether you enjoy it or not, IT MEANS YOU’RE GAY! Wow I can’t believe the males in the first 50 comments, such fags. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should, do you also drink your own cum you flaming homos?. I don’t know what kind of straight male wants a dick in their mouths. Thank you! #52 LOL Autofellatio= disturbed gay
Karma495 0
I agree 100%
Jllybn 0
It's pretty funny and ironic that all of these guys keep saying that doing giving your self a ******* is nasty and that you are sick to try that but you expect girls to do it. No one wants cum in there mouth and you'd think that you wouldn't want something that you pee/bleed (for girls) out of in or near your mouth. But people have strange preferences.
LSeb 0
LoL at all the little kids that comment on here, saying that auto-fellatio is 'gay'. When you **********, you're wrapping your hand around a **** so I suppose that makes you gay as well?? Auto-fellatio is no different than masturbating, you're just using your mouth instead of your hand. Stupid kids.
ocho117 0
why the **** would you want to suck your own dick?
deadpoetic333 0
#75. When i go down on my girl or finger her and then come up and make out with her or let her suck on my fingers, i think it's sooo ******* hot. Thank god that she doesn't find it hot if after going down on me she kissed me, cuz blahhh. haha. To everyone else, wtf you get precum in your mouth and all. Yeah its like whackin it, but when you whack it you don't taste your own cum. If you think its whatever, cool whatever floats your boat but the thought of gettin even a drop of semen in my mouth keeps me from even seeing if im flexible enough.
awesomeperson 0
how the frick did you manage that?
thefucked 0
thats sick. you sick horny ****.