Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML
Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
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Top comments
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
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Comments (179)
every1luvsboners 11
The urge can strike you at any time. You want the kid to walk around with a raging boner all day? Now he has blue balls, and you're the one to blame. I don't know how you people sleep at night. One day masturbation in public will not be frowned upon and I hope that I live long enough to see that day. Long live the handy man.
SixthSinEnvy 39
Your username makes it perfect.
mrahhhhh 21
Reminds me of the Jackass stunt where Dave England took a dump in a model toilet in a plumbing store... right in the middle of a show room. Ah, Jackass, one of my guilty pleasures, along with certain Limp Bizkit songs.
KiddNYC1O 22
Classic.
coltsrock37 15
he was modeling his pimp hand along with the linens
robertlovespi 3
What? You don't let handy men shop in your store?!
TomPusslicker 21
At least now he can say he made it with a model.
All_Blacks 2
you're pissed because he came on you, right?
Coolguyt2 0
I always do it in the ceiling fan area
Omfgitsmia 15
That had to be awkward lol. Maybe it was on his bucket list.
lolmigosh 15
Musta been hottt :D
lolmigosh 15
Ohh two thumbs down?! You guys are real nice!!
lolmigosh 15
Three thums down?! REAL NICE
rawrr61 4
That was you??