Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML
Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
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Top comments
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
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Comments (179)
kemando 22
Hmmm must have been a nice model.
FFUU 0
*fap fap fap* LOL. You won't be able to once the Masturbation Proclamation is signed and passed!
xxxsupermedicxxx 3
You didn't take him by the hand did you?
Jesse_D83 0
What a dumb ass. Everyone knows the best place to beat it in home depot is the staff break room because once you finish you can get a cup of coffee and pastry to go.
gruvychild 17
You could've had cleanup duty!
il3160 2
clean up on isle 1
Calyx_fml 22
Get him a tug toner.
betterbiteme 0
Look how would he had know if he wanted to buy it jokes on you . Lost sale
evilteddybear 0
Help him out!
sxdryv 14
That's one of the most serious and psychological presence indicative of a serial rapist/murderer. I hope he was reported and evaluated by a shrink. No joke!!