Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML
Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML
Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML
Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML
Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML
Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML
Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML
Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
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Top comments
ILoveEggnog 7
I always do it in the model kitchens.
techweed 12
They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!
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Comments (179)
JSylvestre 6
Haha! That just made my day
LadyLexi 0
Shoulda made a porno and get rich instead of working in Home Depot.
homieskillet 0
lol out of a guy masturbating in home depot.. That's sure to be a big hit
ShaeeBaee 0
And thats why instead of ' No Smoking ' it should be ' No Masturbating ' itd only make the mosst sense ! (:
HomeAl0ne 20
"Clean up in Aisle 3!"
grands138 4
Well there are some pretty attractive hoes in the gardening department.
amberskyz 4
Thats great. The next generation. So much hope for the future. fml
drloves69 4
What future his kids just went down the drain
omggtfomi 1
64 exactly what I'm thinking
bloomspetals 0
I doubt the kid was embarrassed. He was probably proud of himself and thought he would get away with it.
mspeacock 6
I guess the public restrooms in the back don't do it for this kid. You should have waited till he was almost done then yelled real loud to throw off his groove. Blue balls my friend, the biggest punishment of all.
SkardeyKat 3
Man, what is wrong with that kid? If he has no more control than to be jacking off in the middle of Home Depot, he's probably gonna be a sex offender in the future. He's lucky nobody called the cops.
Ray_of_midnight 23
Yeah, I agree. My vote is for either "mentally challenged" or "suffering from some sort of mental illness" or possibly both. I hope he gets the help he needs before he ends up in jail.
perdix 31
I once was in a Home Depot and in the men's room, someone had shit on the floor, right next to the toilet. If I needed to rub one out and saw that, I'd take care of business in a model bathroom, too. Clean your toilets, Home Depot! And ban the floor-shitters!
DDpandaz 0
Did you give him some model tissues?