Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I sent my boss a picture of my cat instead of the report I was supposed to send. He replied, "Maybe I should've hired him instead of you." FML
Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML
Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML
Today, in what was probably a freudian slip, I 'accidentally' sent my boss a text message meant for my therapist, containing an elaborate plan to sneak my cat into the office as my "emotional support animal." My boss replied with a simple "Denied." My dreams of a feline-fueled workspace shattered. FML
Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML
Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
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Top comments
inner_peace 19
Loose lips sink ships, OP.
Cameron257 14
That's a good way to get fired.
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Comments (96)
inner_peace 19
Loose lips sink ships, OP.
ukeandfoodislife 19
I really hoped OP didn't get fired... Although with the circumstances, he probably did. Let's just hope his boss has a good sense of humor!
evilscorpi 29
he can't fire her over that! ...right???.. And if I was listening to the convo, I would have automatically said to the boss....."oooo she burned you. " lol force of habbit
fuckedPriceless 17
Well she isn't wrong, people's pets often describe personalities. She is impulsive and spontaneous, just like a dog. :)
KingreX32 21
good save there @62
sjbartholome 14
you guys realize that OP is a guy right?
Cameron257 14
That's a good way to get fired.
BSnapZ 21
Or warned, at least. I don't know what the employment laws are like in other parts of the world, but in NZ you can't get fired for one statement like that...
nlm92 15
Dog people... Smh
mageepaigeee44 15
That can't be the technical reason an employee is fired but you don't want to be on your boss's bad side because they might look for a reason to fire you.
Brandi_Faith 33
Can't they fire him for "inappropriate behaviour" or a "bad attitude"? I though that those were 2 reasons a boss was allowed to fire someone? Could be wrong or maybe it's only in some places.
RedPillSucks 31
This is US, Texas. They can fire you for breathing the wrong way.
vic55jets 13
That's why they're the boss, they worked their ass off to get there. Hopefully he found it funny.
Phooey 22
not true, some climb the ladder by kissing ass.
zebrainthenight 13
Or by knowing someone who can get you there whether you deserve it or not
LittleRed79 39
3, you win the Internet today for managing to use all the correct forms of they're/their/there in one sentence. Thank you!!
drmisin 5
way to go 3, now u poot da gramma natsees out of work!
PegLegRacing 34
A lot of people fail up, actually. For some reason their bosses think "they'll apply themselves if I give them more responsibility." They are usually wrong, but I've seen it a million times.
titandesu 14
32-nazis*
drmisin 5
I just gave one person back their job!
singer0421 32
#24, He may have used there, they're, and their correctly in one sentence, but that sentence is also a run-on. So close.
hxnnxh 14
Got to hate them grammar nazis right #42?
False_Stupidity 41
What are you on about #68? I see a comma and period used correctly in #3's comment. No run-on there.
wGx14 12
The comma should be a semicolon #75. It's separating two phrases that can stand alone as sentences, making #3's comment a run on. The comma could also be changed to a colon and it would still be grammatically correct. It all depends on how you want to phrase things.
mvc3ftw 17
Is this English 101?
JMichael 25
So do you still have a job?
Nevermind212 11
This FML is not complete At the end the manager said: just like you now
Sebastian2022 22
I hope he has a sense of humor, OP. :/
zebrainthenight 13
I do stuff like this way too much! The worst part is trying to unawkwardly make it sound like a compliment after... This needs a follow up!
cakefete2 30
Imagine this follow up. "Hey, this is OP, I wrote this FML in line at the unemployment office when a guy asked me how I lost my job. Well at least I have my own FML. Look for the silver lining, right?"
hdecorah 7
Fired? Sounds about right.
NITEMARE4U 9
A
Mattribute 13
Think before you speak.
SarahDoll018 7
I think he made the right choice of speaking prior to thinking. This is amazing.
threer 30
Hey, that was a pretty good burn anyways. Like, damn.