Health: Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot,...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 81

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 1 160

20/08/2010 18:40

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 785

You deserved it 3 141

Health

Empathy lives

OCD

Thanks guys

28/08/2012 00:09

Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 279

You deserved it 1 697

20/06/2012 05:22

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 953

You deserved it 3 524

06/03/2010 06:16

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 027

You deserved it 8 583

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 107

16/08/2017 20:00

Today, there was a baby shower for our first child. My hostess invited 75 people. Only 3 people showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 420

You deserved it 436

11/04/2009 06:36

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 629

You deserved it 5 557

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2011 05:50

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 3 708

03/05/2009 05:35

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 686

You deserved it 48 448

27/02/2012 23:09

Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 671

You deserved it 2 963

19/10/2012 17:05

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 672

You deserved it 6 587

TW: gross

By Unimpressed - 03/06/2009 10:40

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 494

You deserved it 58 876

03/03/2015 02:43

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 264

You deserved it 4 797

05/12/2014 06:17

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 525

You deserved it 2 829

Hot stuff

By Liam. - 01/02/2010 05:15

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 621

You deserved it 51 864

09/03/2010 08:57

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 528

You deserved it 2 622

08/03/2009 23:57

Today, I woke up at my grandparents house since my mom was out of town, still half asleep i went to brush my teeth. Mid brush my mouth started getting numb I looked again at the tooth paste I used..turns out it was my grandpa's anti-itch anal cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 890

You deserved it 22 060

20/03/2017 12:00

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 749

You deserved it 393

22/07/2012 06:54

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 2 125

02/02/2013 14:41

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 082

You deserved it 9 862

16/11/2014 03:44

Today, I had to endure my father going on a sexist rant about how women shouldn't be allowed to go to university because it's "unrealistic" since "all women" become stay-at-home mums. This is the same man who threatened to kick me out if I dropped out of uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 518

You deserved it 2 874

12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 207

You deserved it 1 903

05/12/2010 13:53

Today, I came home from work to find my five year old daughter drawing unicorns on the wall. The same wall that I had to repaint last week because it had puppies on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 599

You deserved it 11 050

Bougie

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 08:01

Today, I went to the Louis Vuitton store to repair the broken handle on my handbag. Upon review, they told me that my handbag was not an authentic Louis Vuitton. I essentially paid $1600 for a fake that I can no longer use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 351

10/12/2008 03:09

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 2 846

03/02/2015 03:14

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 559

You deserved it 44 956

09/10/2011 08:30

Today, I realized that I can tell how long it has been since I have been with a guy, by the length of my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 211

You deserved it 13 376

07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 613

You deserved it 234

09/01/2013 19:23

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 503

You deserved it 2 718

18/11/2008 07:36

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 903

You deserved it 9 377

No justice

By Anonymous - 04/10/2020 20:01

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 122

03/03/2009 00:09

Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 579

You deserved it 16 393

08/04/2012 02:10

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 964

You deserved it 3 692

12/12/2016 06:10

Today, I dyed my hair back to pastel pink, which it hasn't been in over a year. It goes well with my skin and I was super excited about it so I decided to Snapchat my friend about it. Her response? "You were thinner last time your hair looked like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 1 074

10/12/2013 17:26

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 467

You deserved it 4 775

02/11/2009 11:05

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 306

You deserved it 3 132

27/06/2013 15:17

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 792

You deserved it 4 042

13/06/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 925

Where are you? Oh, there you are

By stood-up - 12/09/2010 05:22

Today, I filed a missing persons report on my boyfriend. He was out fishing and then was supposed to meet me for a romantic weekend getaway. He never showed up and didn't respond to my texts. I found out, courtesy of a voicemail from the sheriff's department, that he'd broken up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 585

You deserved it 4 960

09/07/2011 15:19

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 949

You deserved it 10 481

Salad days

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:28

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 533

You deserved it 763

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Top comments

Artsygirl90 14

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:03

well that sounds shitty!

justsayfuck 5

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:05

Oh that is awful! How can the people you work with be so cruel to remind you of it? :o I feel sorry for you.

Comments

RedMiniStapler 1

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:02

awww sorry that happened to you :(

Shystai 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:06

SHIFT HAPPENS

BahahahLOL 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:08

Oh thats just nastaaay!

afdude87 6

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:08

at least it wasn't on video or infront of customers :) but yeah, shit happens, just sometimes in your pants.

soccerguy77 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:10

Mrs. Poopy pants shall be your new name =]. []D[][]/[][]D

OreosBeGooood15 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:10

It's cause OPs a bitchhh !

FaberDriveLuv 5

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:14

FYL that really sucks...hope you feel better though, OP :]

Stupified 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:17

Oh shit!

2kool4skoolyo 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:18

[email protected] 28

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:37

Must've been a huge dump to have knocked you out

Stupified 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:40

^No, op is just a hypochondriac who watces too much Scrubs.

rushiee 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:45

ahahahaha sorry nothing to say now everyone took the good comments.

bobmandude 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:45

Shit just, you know..... happens.

MykeLytorus 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:48

It's funny because it could have been worse and it's moist ftw dur dur.

Josk95 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:55

did you have diarhoea?

Stupified 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 1:04

Op what's your new nickname? Old Poopants? Mrs. Hankey? Pooper Dooper? That girl who's ass is so loose she can't keep her shit in? Obama?

WTSchool 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 1:33

I laughed so hard when I read 'and pooped myself'. Hah. FYL.

MyLifeIsGreat_ha 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 5:20

#37. that would have been funny if 10 people didn't already say it......???

pink_mx_braap 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 6:14

I have spells like that bc of a stupid dentist but I'm thankful I don't poo... I hope you get better!

SCARYMUSIC 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 4:28

well next don't leave something you love with a irresponsible person stupid

LolAtYourFail 12

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Sunday 22 August 2010 23:55

shit*

linkinpark98 23

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Friday 10 February 2012 11:16

14 - Go die. In a hole.

Artsygirl90 14

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:03

well that sounds shitty!

Jprocky 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:03

Shit Happens!

ellephaba101 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:06

win

xChrista1xx 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:19

Epic win, #3

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:34

It's like I've heard this saying a million times, let's make a million and one

nmsm 1

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Saturday 21 August 2010 1:03

3 isn't a win 3 is just another comment like the other comments on an FML about crap.

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 21 August 2010 1:06

Agree with 42. You see the same puns on all fmls about poop.

Brittney_E 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 3:12

i laughed at it... ._.

justsayfuck 5

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:05

Oh that is awful! How can the people you work with be so cruel to remind you of it? :o I feel sorry for you.

MattC13 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:07

Wait until someone does something worse. But in the meantime, FYL.

alexangel33 18

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Thursday 25 April 2013 18:08

When is something gonna happen that is worse that shitting urself while passed out lol

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:08

That's WAY worse than jizzing in your pants. I think The Lonely Island should write a song about this...

Thats_Mclovin_2U 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:16

Nice one :p

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:09

Op what caused this? Heat stroke?

birdmansangel 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:16

do you really think she will answer?

illmatic2 16

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:18

Sometimes they do. But you're right probably not.

unichrist 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:10

shit in their lockers.

ifyouwereasheep 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 9:13

fucking mods

KRYPTON1T3 5

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 21:44

win! and shit on their desks and everywhere else they go.

DogmaT_fml 4

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:15

man you must have been pooped out!

Toggybbz 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:23

Awh, poor you. Some guys can be total dicks. Next time fine someone you can trust, but until then, good luck.

Stupified 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 0:29

Lol

SomePeoplesChild 0

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Saturday 21 August 2010 10:25

ugh, did I miss something here?

Fmelikeuhateme 24

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Sunday 20 December 2015 4:38

Find how? Fainted? OP had no options but to do what was done. No one could know that this would happen.