Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML
Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
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Top comments
supersmeg12345 10
Next time install A few guard dogs and a machete
BlueEyed1019 12
That sucks, sorry! I have a sign that says "property monitored by security cameras" even tho it isn't, and it seems to work!
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Comments (135)
supersmeg12345 10
Next time install A few guard dogs and a machete
SkoomaKi 27
And a gun, can you shoot people in self defense in America?
mwrc8man94 1
No no no I'm not sure you understand, you see this was their plan all along, they want OP to keep putting up defense mechanisms so that they can take them and use them around the house. So OP if you want to buy them a family pet and an all-purpose knife then by all means, get a dog and a machete.
NokeyPlc 1
It doesn't seem like a very bright idea.
daisy963 4
Hey supermeg your display pic is hilarious! ..I hate autocorrect lol
taco_bender 12
Thats what happens when white people move into the hood. Get some mexican friends. Feed them 1 every 2 weeks and they will stay loyal. I know i would.
chitown23 4
That's not self defense dumbass
rach2010 0
He took the freaking beads! (Dane Cook anyone?)
rach2010 0
Sorry if this shows up twice.
Cad6 24
These are methods you could try, level notes the intensity or danger of the method. Level 1 option: Install tall lamps, like street lights. (Dumbass.) Level 2 option: Buy mousetraps. (Might cause a slight disturbance.) Level 3 option: Install security cameras. (Just gave a thief some new cameras.) Level 4 option: Hire a security guard. (You're a pussy.) Level 5 option: Install electric trip wires. (A little worse than a bee sting.) Level 6 option: Dig holes in your lawn and fill them with snakes. (Medieval strategy ftw.) Level 7 option: Vicious attack dogs. (Make sure to clean the blood.) Level 8 option: Automated metal bb turrets. (Ouch.) Level 9 option: Play Justin Bieber music when noise is heard. (It is sure to scare away any creepers.) Level 10 option: Landmines. (Short 'n' sweet, get the job done.)
shovelface1990 4
Women, nuff said. *****.
Wisc 0
Perhaps an Airsoft Automatic Sentry would do the trick. Oh, and a 24/7 aerial UAV.
ladyLALAA 28
Guard dogs that shoot bees out of their mouths?
omgcookeys 15
Put up a sign that says "if you can read this sign, you're in range" with a picture of a sniper under it.
RaggleFrock 13
Wasn't the skull Banksy enough for you?
thisiscat 14
Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't the FML say "it's wouldn't be a bright idea" not "it would be a bright idea"?
metalwolf 17
Dont forget a hidden laser pointer with a motion tracking system.
dominic1221 6
Uh, 105? It says "bright AREA". Need glasses?
thenoobftw 3
75- I doubt anyone will get pass level 9... Unless it's a 10 year old girl who keeps robing her.
bingababe 16
105 what the hell are you smoking??
LolFMLnot 10
Someone is out there to get you . . .thats creepy shit
ladyLALAA 28
You all need to watch more Simpsons, Mr burns quote duh!
thisiscat 14
109- thank you... And yes, staring at a bright screen all day kills eyes.
sm0kinBCBudz 0
#75 I want you to know I screen shot that and Facebooked it
smump 0
Or guard dogs with machetes
twaumat 28
dogs should be enough
BlueEyed1019 12
That sucks, sorry! I have a sign that says "property monitored by security cameras" even tho it isn't, and it seems to work!
agm77 9
Op should just steal one of those "protected by ADT" signs.
alycion 38
I have a few cheap cameras up. Works like a dream. Adt and a doggie are a bonus. Actually the cameras and alarm system lowered my insurance rates. Foscam makes decent ones and if searched for someone has them on sale usually. An iPhone app makes it so I can watch wherever and vitamind let's me record in case something happens. There were a few incidents nearby so we put them up. Recently a neighbor started acting up and destroying people's cars. She knew I had the cameras and my stuff was left alone.
Cad6 24
The thief would probably steal the damn sign.
coffee_man900 16
Best sign to post; HOUSE PEOTECTED BY SHOTGUN 4 DAYS A WEEK. GUESS WHICH DAYS. Just sayin' :)
guitarbeast 22
What you need is a security camera
olpally 32
Agreed... Or just camp outside with a gun and lay low in the trenches, Then surprise the bastards when they do this and ***** your shotgun* and say "let's rock, bitches!" hahahaha I'm evil >:) that'll scare them for sure! :)
olpally 32
Okay... I failed at that comment... I watch way too much family guy...
Torva_fml 16
It would have been fine, had you not tried to justify your fail comment... With yet another fail comment.
curryisforGs 2
Agreed
Rinat_fml 26
Sounds to me that OP is living in the ghetto.
lifeguardd 0
Why are y'all thumbed down??? FML users are idiots
laden_swallow09 34
You don't need to yell anything, 25. A pump-action shotgun will do all the talking for you. "cha-CHUCK!"
TaylorLynn462 10
Damn hoodlums.
Nevereverland 8
"welcome to the ghetto , where all your dreams become reality and will eventually get robbed of your property!"
Vulpes21 6
Take solace in the fact that they are poor and worthless.
runnamuk 6
Uh, this is God's way of telling you to move
THE_A_TEEN 27
Yeah, god would make someone steal someone else's property just to make them move away. I'm kind of religious, but this is rediculous.
octopusxO 3
Umm. Just wondering. Why are you on FML if you're a nun?
Sebastian_NG 17
Instead of asking a question, and waiting hours for her to respond, you could've, i don't know, click on her profile?
runnamuk 6
Teen- Obviously this wasn't serious, ever heard of being facetious? Quick way of checking if something is serious or not: Does it sound too ridiculous to be true? If so, how about you just assume it is.
thenoobftw 3
I bet she lives in Los Angles. I used to live there until my neighbor was shot and killed.
zakk59 1
hmm....ever heard of security cameras?
R3TROxLOV3 32
Because they totally wouldn't steal, break, or vandalize those either....
MrSassypants 33
No, OP has never heard of video cameras or any type of video recording device.
DontForgetMe4 0
ever heard of the price of a security camera?
metalwolf 17
old computer: 50 dollars cheap webcam: 20 dollars Linux os: free knowing you built a camera with the same features as a high end camera with scrap parts: priceless
mzmush 2
Lure them in with something and have a camera on ready to record
sbducks 5
Maybe you should move...
BunBunBabe 8
Leave a camera facing that area out and catch them, plain and simple. Either spray paint back for revenge, or be mature and turn in the tape to get them for it.
The_Troller 14
Unless they steal the camera.
taco_bender 12
19- i like your picture bro. Makes me laugh everytime. Hahahaha. Anyways. What we do in the mexican side of town is get a whole bunch of friends and make a cook out. The essays will appreciate the free food and they will take care of your house for a couple of weeks.
DirtyMike911 0
Dear god 43. I hope you aren't trying to spell "ese" when you say "essay".
pokefan813 16
I think he was on his iPod/iPhone and it auto corrected him...
nofearjenshere 12
Autocorrect can be a bitch.
BunBunBabe 8
95, I think he is
taco_bender 12
Sabes que es este maldito Ipod. It does correct all my words.
Redoxx_fml 22
Should have left the skull so pol would think the Punisher lives there