Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML
Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
Today, when I locked my newly repaired bike up, I carefully took the new rear light off it so that nobody could steal said light. Somebody stole my bike. At least I have a red light to play with. FML
Today, I finally managed to sleep, after two days of being kept awake by the miniature floodlights my neighbors have installed to scare off burglars. Only a couple of hours into my sleep, I woke up to the sound of their car being broken into. FML
Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML
Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML
Today, after having my car been broken into the day before because I didn't lock it, I made sure I locked my doors. When I got off shift and entered the parking lot, I noticed a brick had been thrown through my windshield and a note that said, "Nice Try". FML
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my house egged, and bricks thrown through my windows. I called the police, and submitted a report. Later that night, I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody was at the house, but there was a note saying "Sorry, wrong house". FML
Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
supersmeg12345 10
Next time install A few guard dogs and a machete
BlueEyed1019 12
That sucks, sorry! I have a sign that says "property monitored by security cameras" even tho it isn't, and it seems to work!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (135)
btnhdude 0
Lol, you funny lady
DirtyMike911 0
I would wait until they strike again, then follow them to wherever they go and beat them and steal all they own.
Spectre529 12
I think you're dealing with troll thieves
PaulB123 11
That probably wasn't the brightest idea.
curryisforGs 2
No, no more of these punny jokes.
Wtfeezy 5
And I thought the city I live in was ghetto.. Smh
THE_A_TEEN 28
In this day and age, military equipment is the way to go. I recommend an MQ-9 Reaper with elite ground soldiers.
THE_A_TEEN 28
*soldiers
j_cat187 20
Or a baseball bat
florido_fml 10
Someone doesn't like u....
DocBastard 40
Next you'll have to reinstall the lights and buy some guard dogs to protect the lights. When the dogs are kidnapped, you'll have to buy more and then install a fence to protect them. After the fence is stolen, you'll buy another one that is electrified. THEN you can fry the motherfuckers.
Nevereverland 8
Someones probably gonna steal the fried bodies as well..in the ghetto anything can/will be sold :)
supersmeg12345 10
It could be the ghetto KFC KILLED FRIES CRIMINALS
coffee_man900 16
Electric fence might only fry their nuts. No offense to the other OP that fried his nuts. :)
kat2812 1
Don't move, you would be letting them win. here is what you do: put up new lights, and a hidden camera, but don't put any signs saying you have a camera, then just wait...maybe even park your car elsewhere when you are home (so they think you aren't home), oh and a fake gun (and any other weapons you choose), blood shot eyes (which might be difficult since you don't know when this will go down), a 40oz...ok, got all that? alright-when they come stumble out of your house with gun in one hand 40oz in the other, act like the craziest mother ****** one could imagine, scream random crazy shit, threaten to kill them, tell them you have been watching them, yell out some religious nonsense (its like the frosting...) all done. im sure they will never be back! good luck!
olpally 33
Very well thought out!! :) love the idea!
jojoboy 0
I agree.. but sounds like it was thought up on an acid trip
TrippingOnAcid 29
Ew
THE_A_TEEN 28
Lay off that acid bro. I didn't read anything nasty on the FML. Unless you shit yourself and posted "ew" for some reason...