At least you can get the police involved for theft, public intoxication and property damage so it's not a complete loss.

Technically that's not theft, sounds like they didn't make it off the property before ruining the bike so it would be vandalism.

Some states in the U.S. even stretch a DUI to riding a bicycle while intoxicated. My brother was unfortunate enough to find out that my state is one of them.

i was bout to say dui lol

Call the police, no one should do that

Really Cap?

Holy crap I hope you called the cops. Sorry about your bike and porch OP, that really sucks. Hope they buy you a new bike after all that!

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. I hope you got the chance to record him in order to publicly humiliate him on youtube.

Sorry OP.

Wow, that's pretty bizarre. I hope the police will work with you on this. Good luck OP!

Now you can use the lock you should've used on the bike to keep them there till the cops arrive

Can you really blame them for wanting to ride the Spud Mobile, Potato Lord?

It was you, OP. Wasn't it?
You stole your own bike after getting plowed and wanted to do tricks off the couch.

.not that I would know anything about doing something like that.

OP, that truly suck! I feel your pain, I too have been the victim of bike theft, but to add property damage into the mix, that's insult to injury.
I hope it all works out ok though!
Try not to let the bastards grind you down.