Miscellaneous

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 08:51 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 987

You deserved it 1 677

By weaknesspersonified - 10/11/2015 23:25 - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 391

You deserved it 3 722

By a non e mouse - 10/11/2015 22:34 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I tried to unlock my house's front door by hitting the unlock button on my car keys. It took me some time to realize my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 955

You deserved it 8 182

By anonymous - 10/11/2015 22:15 - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his taser at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tased him for acting aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 1 758

By CoffeeStained - 10/11/2015 15:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I set my cup of coffee down on the stall floor to take care of my business. A hand reached under the stall door and took my coffee. I yelled to give it back, calling them obscene names. Moments later, my fresh coffee came flying over the door. I'm burned from my head to my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 430

You deserved it 10 143

By Quendolin - 09/11/2015 14:07 - Germany

Today, I put one of those checkout dividers in front of my groceries on the conveyor belt in the supermarket. The guy standing in front of me turned around, looked me straight in the eye and said "I don't trust you." as he put a second divider between our groceries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 893

You deserved it 2 607

By TwirlyWhirl - 09/11/2015 08:17 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at a bar, I overheard two attractive men speaking in French. I went over and tried to introduce myself with what little French I know. They looked at me like I was crazy and then said in English, "What are you doing?" Turns out they weren't speaking French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 166

You deserved it 10 269

TwirlyWhirl tells us more.

TwirlyWhirl 8

Monday 9 November 2015 21:23

Hey everyone, OP here. This actually happened a few months ago when I was studying abroad in Dublin, Ireland. Yes, I had already had a few drinks. I was also with several other study abroad students who were from Spain and Italy and everyone unanimously agreed that the two men were speaking French. It probably didn't help that we weren't very close to them and it was loud in the bar. The two men were actually from Denmark and they were speaking Danish. I definitely learned my lesson never tried to do anything like that again.

By Anonymous - 08/11/2015 06:15 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I overheard my in-laws talking about me. It started off with light insults and ended with, "People like her are the reason murder ain't always wrong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 018

You deserved it 2 131

Creepshow

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 549

You deserved it 2 717

Thanks

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 13:02 - Canada - Surrey

Today, while walking to work with my best friend, he broke down in tears. I asked what was wrong, and he told me his mom passed away last night. All I could think to do was give him a hug and say I was sorry. Then some assclown walking past said "GAAAYYY!" and walked away laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 1 711

By LuxTheSarcastic - 06/11/2015 23:05 - United States - Apex

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 2 370

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 20:47 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, my roommate called me, but she's a cunt so I ignored her. A few hours later, I found out her mom and dad were in a serious car accident and she needed a ride to go see them at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 014

You deserved it 32 294

By mottephobe - 06/11/2015 06:19 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after days of cleaning out pantry cabinets and throwing away infested food, I thought I had finally gotten rid of my moth problem. Then I vacuumed, and saw several dozen larvae coming out of my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 351

You deserved it 3 126

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 04:38 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 224

You deserved it 2 155

By fijiflu - 05/11/2015 21:31

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 564

You deserved it 1 547

By Anonymous - 05/11/2015 21:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 878

You deserved it 2 071

By GoldenSteve - 05/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 2 552

By cassieleigh1 - 05/11/2015 05:05 - United States - Davenport

Today, my father, who is not familiar with keyboards, had me register his new email account for him at the public library. His username choice? "Wang dang sweet poon tang". People heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 200

You deserved it 1 967

cassieleigh1 tells us more.

cassieleigh1 8

Friday 6 November 2015 16:20

I'm laughing really hard at the comments! Yeah, my dads pretty awesome. He understands keyboards and computer basics but he seriously types with just his index finger, using both hands, just pick-poking around while squinting back and forth from screen to keyboard to see. Lol He's not a weird-pervert, but a 50 year old punk who wishes he were my age (18), and living in the 70s again. He actually snuck into the Mississippi Valley Fair in Iowa this recent year and didn't get caught hahaha. When I was a kid he used to "copy" entry stamps with pen to get us in free. 9th birthday he took me to a local heavy metal concert, not sure why they allowed 9 year olds in a mosh pit... Also saw Rush for my 11th or something.

By dBLIZZARD - 05/11/2015 03:32 - United States

Today, my fiancée thought that lowering the volume on her phone would lower the amount of data being used by her streaming songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 783

You deserved it 2 875

By ncbb5 - 04/11/2015 18:57

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 652

You deserved it 2 824

ncbb5 tells us more.

ncbb5 18

Thursday 5 November 2015 14:51

Hey, op here. I was supposed to spend the day with my boyfriend but I got called to work. I told him don't do anything stupid. We know how that turned out. Anyway he's fine now just whining like a baby.

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 699

You deserved it 1 472