By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 14:00 Lightweight Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 362 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jaybird1587 - 3/8/2009 12:43 - United States Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 50873 You deserved it 2477 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jamiedevin - 6/11/2010 04:04 - United States Today, I was feeling really sick when I was with my boyfriend at the park. When we were walking, I got really dizzy and collapsed. My boyfriend didn't catch me. His mom took me to the hospital. While I was being poked with needles, he was at home playing COD. FML I agree, your life sucks 34407 You deserved it 4793 149 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/4/2012 04:18 - United States - Burnsville Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML I agree, your life sucks 29194 You deserved it 4205 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonely - 21/3/2011 19:15 - United States Today, I posted an event to have a get together with friends. Most of them put "not attending". I hadn't even set the date. FML I agree, your life sucks 39563 You deserved it 5936 227 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Chey - 22/3/2012 22:13 - United States - Bakersfield Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 26116 You deserved it 3324 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xXangelaXx - 21/8/2011 18:23 - United States Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML I agree, your life sucks 33093 You deserved it 6063 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mental - 25/10/2012 23:09 - United States Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML I agree, your life sucks 25496 You deserved it 6017 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML I agree, your life sucks 49996 You deserved it 3731 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TukTuk - 27/10/2014 21:18 - Germany - Weinb?hla Today, I spent an hour painstakingly disassembling my antique mirror after discovering a stack of papers behind the back board. I finally got hold of one corner, and pulled out - a newspaper from 2007 and instructions for an IKEA bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 30083 You deserved it 4990 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By badmom - 25/2/2012 11:25 - Ireland Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 37975 You deserved it 8623 210 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Robert - 1/1/2018 20:00 - United States - Anchorage Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 7440 You deserved it 2561 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By newyorkers - 17/6/2013 12:46 - United States - New York Today, getting off a bus, it was pouring rain so I got my umbrella out. A man elbowed me in the gut and grabbed it. When I told my mom about it she said, "That's New York, get over it." FML I agree, your life sucks 45803 You deserved it 5645 84 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 1/7/2017 06:00 - United States - New Hyde Park Today, I was driving when a woman started crossing the street against the light at the upcoming intersection, so I slammed on the brakes and stopped short of hitting her. That's when she intentionally jumped onto my car and started screaming that I had "mowed her down". The cops believed her. FML I agree, your life sucks 6078 You deserved it 283 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML I agree, your life sucks 28466 You deserved it 58797 154 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/12/2014 07:07 - Canada - London Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML I agree, your life sucks 39730 You deserved it 5022 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dad41 - 21/6/2019 12:00 Toynado Today, I came home from work and found that my son had taken every single one of his toys out and left them on the floor. Plus some goldfish crackers. FML I agree, your life sucks 1287 You deserved it 273 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By guh - 31/8/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML I agree, your life sucks 18585 You deserved it 4218 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By embarassedmuch - 30/10/2012 04:05 - United States Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML I agree, your life sucks 7679 You deserved it 27546 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tenniemo - 11/6/2018 17:39 - United States - Green Valley Today, I’m pet-sitting for my parents while they’re on vacation. So far, one cat has projectile vomited all over the living room, and another has pooped in their bed. Twice. My parents were not concerned when I called, and said this is normal behavior. FML I agree, your life sucks 3705 You deserved it 276 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/7/2019 05:00 - United States - El Paso Today, I was cutting potatoes. I was cutting them slowly, being careful, but my mom told me to cut faster, that I wouldn't cut myself. I cut myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 1368 You deserved it 299 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 12/1/2017 14:00 Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML I agree, your life sucks 6689 You deserved it 586 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By somewhatlucky - 27/12/2011 09:42 - United States Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML I agree, your life sucks 36929 You deserved it 3846 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML I agree, your life sucks 62501 You deserved it 9247 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By iross - 23/10/2009 19:19 - United States Today, I was driving on the freeway. I shut my windows and sunroof when I started to feel heavy rain hitting me in the face and shoulder. I was confused by the rain because the sun was bright and there was blue, cloudless sky. Then I saw the large trash truck in front of me spewing "trash juice". FML I agree, your life sucks 38563 You deserved it 3282 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thisblows - 11/4/2009 20:42 - United States Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML I agree, your life sucks 72934 You deserved it 5543 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 36727 You deserved it 4003 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mr. King - 16/3/2016 08:28 - United Kingdom - London Today, whilst walking past a large pond-sized puddle, a double decker bus and a van slowed and drove around the puddle so as not to splash me. Thinking luck was on my side, I began walking more confidently, only for a tiny smart car to come hurtling past, causing a huge wave of water to hit me. FML I agree, your life sucks 17800 You deserved it 1783 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Savannah - 7/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Spring Hill Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML I agree, your life sucks 7736 You deserved it 566 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoComparison - 14/5/2009 00:59 - United States Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML I agree, your life sucks 58724 You deserved it 5156 252 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Myballshurt - 3/8/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML I agree, your life sucks 45324 You deserved it 22077 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By coolcucumber - 10/9/2010 20:40 - United States Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML I agree, your life sucks 20030 You deserved it 24311 127 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cyantist - 23/1/2009 08:24 - United States Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML I agree, your life sucks 24766 You deserved it 5145 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jugan - 19/10/2012 21:44 - France - Vaulx-milieu Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML I agree, your life sucks 5418 You deserved it 39122 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charles - 18/5/2011 17:13 - Norway Today, I finally found out who has been hacking my email account to send dirty messages to my teacher. My dad. FML I agree, your life sucks 44950 You deserved it 3890 167 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monkeywrench - 1/5/2012 05:14 - United States Today, I got some spam stating that I'd have no love life in the coming 10 years if I didn't reply to it. So, no different to the last 10 years then. FML I agree, your life sucks 24358 You deserved it 2867 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whattheactualfuck - 22/1/2016 12:50 - South Africa - Durban Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML I agree, your life sucks 22684 You deserved it 3371 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 25/7/2009 14:55 - United States Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML I agree, your life sucks 48855 You deserved it 4458 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML I agree, your life sucks 37835 You deserved it 7600 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bulldogs09 - 1/7/2009 04:41 - France Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML I agree, your life sucks 46610 You deserved it 12410 198 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hahahah111 - 25/5/2009 07:43 - United States Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 54608 You deserved it 4235 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my husband got home and shouted he had a surprise for me. I shouted back that I hoped it was his tasty knob with strawberry lube. Nope, he'd picked... I agree, your life sucks 419 You deserved it 172 3 Comments
Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend takes so long in public toilets. He admitted his ex was such a nasty ho, she would drag him into public toilets... I agree, your life sucks 1037 You deserved it 159 6 Comments
