By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 14:00 Lightweight Today, I have a hangover. From one small glass of pink Cava. FML I agree, your life sucks 989 You deserved it 374 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mee - 5/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait Self-care Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML I agree, your life sucks 10649 You deserved it 39225 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jess - 20/12/2013 08:02 - United States - Modesto Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML I agree, your life sucks 35677 You deserved it 7761 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Foufinator - 4/10/2009 19:33 - France Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML I agree, your life sucks 49012 You deserved it 3543 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StillLoveMyDogs - 9/9/2015 07:34 - United States - San Francisco Today, I went to reach for a long piece of lint next to my dryer. It was a snake. FML I agree, your life sucks 26613 You deserved it 2289 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nickolas - 31/12/2011 05:58 - United States Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML I agree, your life sucks 35961 You deserved it 3708 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catgiraffegirl - 23/9/2014 18:30 - United States Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML I agree, your life sucks 39839 You deserved it 2927 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 17:01 - United States Kick the bum out, part 2 Today, my fiancé thinks that the only reason I innocently asked him how soon he wants to have kids after we get married is that he thinks I'm racing to beat a friend or family member. Now I can't even be excited about starting a family with this man without having ulterior motives. FML I agree, your life sucks 396 You deserved it 99 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Madmanmorton - 16/6/2011 18:34 - United States Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML I agree, your life sucks 13105 You deserved it 47080 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By justhatelife - 9/12/2016 14:49 - United States - Brooklyn Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML I agree, your life sucks 9209 You deserved it 1282 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By for better or for farts - 6/8/2020 23:01 The bed is lava Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML I agree, your life sucks 2216 You deserved it 172 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BW - 7/6/2009 21:49 - United States Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML I agree, your life sucks 79543 You deserved it 6250 203 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/12/2014 03:29 - United States - Roanoke Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML I agree, your life sucks 30864 You deserved it 2619 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By A-train - 13/9/2020 08:01 - United States - Wellesley Hills Not now, mom Today, it was supposed to be my wedding day. This is the second time we've had to postpone it. The first was due to COVID, this time the sudden passing of my fiance's mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 1482 You deserved it 125 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 12:09 - Canada Today, I baked a chicken pot pie in the oven. I pulled it out, and noticed a big piece of tasty-looking, flaky pastry had come loose. Without thinking I ripped it off and popped it into my mouth. I HEARD the skin on the inside of my cheeks burn. FML I agree, your life sucks 16427 You deserved it 85657 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By MY CAR - 15/11/2011 04:51 - United States Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML I agree, your life sucks 24802 You deserved it 11077 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 29/8/2009 06:58 - United States Today, I took the kids I'm babysitting to the farm to feed the animals. They were a little scared of the llama, so I showed them how nice it was by feeding it a lot of bread. Then, as I was telling the farmer how I loved the llama and wanted to take it home, it spit grass and bread all over my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 35122 You deserved it 10037 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By redisnotmycolor - 16/11/2009 01:46 - United States Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML I agree, your life sucks 38833 You deserved it 3524 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/10/2009 16:32 - United States Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML I agree, your life sucks 12177 You deserved it 36759 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sean - 3/3/2012 07:33 - Canada Today, while my plane took off, I was forced to sit and watch as somebody rear-ended my car in the parking lot. FML I agree, your life sucks 34536 You deserved it 4709 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By deadandwasted - 20/2/2010 08:20 - United States Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML I agree, your life sucks 34437 You deserved it 2430 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jacquelinez - 20/5/2012 18:20 - United States Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML I agree, your life sucks 27953 You deserved it 3092 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML I agree, your life sucks 37386 You deserved it 3482 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:05 - United States Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML I agree, your life sucks 30970 You deserved it 2788 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StewPit - 16/4/2009 19:44 - United States Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 15219 You deserved it 74876 159 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 17:59 - Singapore - Singapore Today, as usual, I got to my internship early, did everything my bosses asked. At the end of the day, I was fired after 3 weeks of working unpaid overtime because they found an applicant with more experience for the job I applied to and they wanted to cut costs. FML I agree, your life sucks 10828 You deserved it 659 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotTodaySatan - 7/7/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML I agree, your life sucks 1850 You deserved it 175 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sarad206 - 19/2/2014 21:09 - United States Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML I agree, your life sucks 41360 You deserved it 3814 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By GT716 - 7/4/2009 12:50 - United States Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML I agree, your life sucks 61917 You deserved it 13883 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By a7xforever - 14/9/2010 08:31 - United Kingdom Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML I agree, your life sucks 26785 You deserved it 3380 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By titkip - 2/4/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML I agree, your life sucks 18667 You deserved it 9456 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohdearyme - 9/1/2015 12:06 - United Kingdom - Guildford Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 37328 You deserved it 3056 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hoo flung pu - 3/10/2013 08:26 - United States Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML I agree, your life sucks 43151 You deserved it 3697 58 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By itrustedsnapeallalong - 28/8/2009 04:23 - United States Today, for the first time, I hugged the man I have been in love with for four years. It was a congratulatory hug at his wedding to my best friend. FML I agree, your life sucks 61812 You deserved it 14414 173 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/9/2009 16:27 - United States Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML I agree, your life sucks 44302 You deserved it 6055 88 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fack - 29/7/2015 14:41 - United States - San Francisco Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML I agree, your life sucks 22564 You deserved it 10700 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By holyshitbatman - 9/11/2012 04:53 - United States - Toledo Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML I agree, your life sucks 26803 You deserved it 2996 196 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mel - 18/1/2011 07:05 - United States Today, I had to blow my nose. Trying to be a considerate roommate, I tiptoed over to the bathroom in the dark, which would have been fine, if I hadn't tripped over a chair and crushed the art project that she's been working on for the past month. FML I agree, your life sucks 30865 You deserved it 8262 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By power corrupts... - 7/8/2011 20:29 - Czech Republic Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML I agree, your life sucks 33959 You deserved it 12008 296 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OopsKid - 30/5/2011 18:14 - France Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML I agree, your life sucks 38203 You deserved it 16493 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By amilia - 7/11/2018 12:00 Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML I agree, your life sucks 3233 You deserved it 298 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my... I agree, your life sucks 860 You deserved it 170 6 Comments
Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less... I agree, your life sucks 802 You deserved it 199 6 Comments
