By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown
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Women know everything. Don't you know that? If they want information they will get it!
At first I read this FML in a way that made it sound like the OP let her look through his stuff. Rereading it, though, her behavior is totally uncalled for and yes, it can be considered borderline abusive. Look at things over domestic abuse and the signs and you will see. I can understand her being upset but her practically hacking into your accounts is not okay.
@2 Believe me, I'm not saying this with a patronizing or condescending tone, but that's not how genuine love works. Love is trusting, selfless, communicative, etc. If she was really upset about her dream, she could bring it up with OP and let him offer whatever reassurance he wanted to. However, simply barging into his personal accounts and information without his consent betrays a dangerously low level of trust. I wouldn't say their relationship is doomed by any means, but a foundation of trust and faithfulness is essential to a healthy, happy marriage. They'd do well to remedy that flaw in their relationship, in my humble opinion.
I can get that she is scared and doesn't want to fuck up by marrying a cheater but invading privacy is not the way to do it. She has a freaking dream! I'd understand if the heard rumours or something but it was just a dream. And I know I would start to doubt that I want to marry someone who does not respect my privacy and doesn't trust me.
You need to have a calm, rational discussion with her and help her understand that you will never do that. If you don't trust each other, you're jumping into a tough marriage. She may not be ready yet.
This is a huge red flag in my opinion. If she gets this irrational and crazy over a dream, how is she going to react when you have to have a lunch meeting with a female co-worker or client? If she is having such severe trust issues now, I can't think it's just going to magically get better once you're married. You need to have a serious talk with her about trust and boundaries. Because if you can't get that stuff right now, you're in for a very long, crazy, emotional marriage!
Word I agree with 4, he needs to talk to her although if she had a toxic relationship before this one and she asked op to show her his phone and email, I think in certain situations op should maybe agree. I was hesitant on that last part because when you marry someone, that means you are willing to sacrifice somethings for happiness and if op's fiancée only problem is that she is insecure cuz of past toxic relationships where she was cheated on and the only way to feel calm is to once in a while be reassured however everything else about her is fine and she makes you happy, then as long as she asks you before looking then I would make the sacrifice if I was in your position, that's just my opinion but she did not ask so yah that is a huge problem that I would talk about with her.
I hate those kind of nightmares, they feel so real and can make a girl do stupid things when she's in love.. sorry for you OP
I understand the mentality feelings are very hard to ignore, BUT thinking it and then actually invading privacy are way different, imo. It's normal to feel jealous and worried and scared, especially before a big commitment, but the adult thing to do is to talk about it and not go behind someone's back.
"Yes, officer, my fiancee hacked me!" No, you don't fight fire with fire. That would just create a vicious cycle of distrust. OP needs to just have a talk with his fiancee about invasion of privacy and trusting each other, ESPECIALLY before they truly make a life commitment to each other.
Yes its a little extreme. About calling the police that is. (Work emails and such) But if she thinks its ok to hack into his accounts period, dream or not that should not be tolerated if she won't let you do the same to her. It's like a guy getting frustrated with his girlfriend for not taking it up the butt. For this example she would say ok, so long as she can put on a strap on wing wang and do it to him. It's only fair, but otherwise it's intolerable.
You really need to talk to her and ask where her fears are coming from. If I ever have a dream like that about my husband jus because I was thinking about the "what ifs" before we went to bed. I hope everything is okay! And change your passwords so she can't get back in there.