By Alex - 05/02/2016 22:55 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML
I agree, your life sucks 22 024
You deserved it 2 952

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Women know everything. Don't you know that? If they want information they will get it!

When someone feels threatened by something they will put their investigation skills onto hyper mode - you might want to invest in some new passwords tbh if she's finding out everything.

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Women know everything. Don't you know that? If they want information they will get it!

If the genders were reversed (assuming OP is even male), people would be rightfully pointing out that it was unhealthy, borderline-abusive behavior.

Haha Better than private investigators, I'm sure.

I wouldn't call that abusive. Yes unhealthy and untrusting but not abusive. Definitely a potential signal of future abuse if she's that controlling, but not necessarily. Just something to work out in premarital counseling

At first I read this FML in a way that made it sound like the OP let her look through his stuff. Rereading it, though, her behavior is totally uncalled for and yes, it can be considered borderline abusive. Look at things over domestic abuse and the signs and you will see. I can understand her being upset but her practically hacking into your accounts is not okay.

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Being scared is in no way an excuse for such behaviour though. OP, you need to have a talk with her and put some clear boundaries in place, violating someone's privacy like that is not ok and sounds like a horrible base for a marriage.

What? She is violating his privacy by going through his social media accounts and emails because she had a DREAM about OP cheating. You don't just brush that off.

#2 The last girl who did this shit to me almost went to jail for domestic assault against me and was in court so I couod get a restraining order

Shut up boi lol

@2 Believe me, I'm not saying this with a patronizing or condescending tone, but that's not how genuine love works. Love is trusting, selfless, communicative, etc. If she was really upset about her dream, she could bring it up with OP and let him offer whatever reassurance he wanted to. However, simply barging into his personal accounts and information without his consent betrays a dangerously low level of trust. I wouldn't say their relationship is doomed by any means, but a foundation of trust and faithfulness is essential to a healthy, happy marriage. They'd do well to remedy that flaw in their relationship, in my humble opinion.

Um no. That's not why she's doing this at all. She's doing it because she had a dream and is super paranoid about it.

I can get that she is scared and doesn't want to fuck up by marrying a cheater but invading privacy is not the way to do it. She has a freaking dream! I'd understand if the heard rumours or something but it was just a dream. And I know I would start to doubt that I want to marry someone who does not respect my privacy and doesn't trust me.

Well since it was only a nightmare, you should be fine right? It'll be fine OP she's just worried, she'll be fine later

You need to have a calm, rational discussion with her and help her understand that you will never do that. If you don't trust each other, you're jumping into a tough marriage. She may not be ready yet.

This is a huge red flag in my opinion. If she gets this irrational and crazy over a dream, how is she going to react when you have to have a lunch meeting with a female co-worker or client? If she is having such severe trust issues now, I can't think it's just going to magically get better once you're married. You need to have a serious talk with her about trust and boundaries. Because if you can't get that stuff right now, you're in for a very long, crazy, emotional marriage!

Word I agree with 4, he needs to talk to her although if she had a toxic relationship before this one and she asked op to show her his phone and email, I think in certain situations op should maybe agree. I was hesitant on that last part because when you marry someone, that means you are willing to sacrifice somethings for happiness and if op's fiancée only problem is that she is insecure cuz of past toxic relationships where she was cheated on and the only way to feel calm is to once in a while be reassured however everything else about her is fine and she makes you happy, then as long as she asks you before looking then I would make the sacrifice if I was in your position, that's just my opinion but she did not ask so yah that is a huge problem that I would talk about with her.

without a better understanding of the history here, we cannot understand completely. it is often men who are prone to jealousy and possessiveness, but women can too.

Huge red flag. Tell her she needs to stop. She needs to decide if she trusts you, if she doesn't don't get married.

I hate those kind of nightmares, they feel so real and can make a girl do stupid things when she's in love.. sorry for you OP

See, I don't understand this kind of mentality. In love or not, a dream (nightmare) does not justify her behavior.

I understand the mentality feelings are very hard to ignore, BUT thinking it and then actually invading privacy are way different, imo. It's normal to feel jealous and worried and scared, especially before a big commitment, but the adult thing to do is to talk about it and not go behind someone's back.

I've had those dreams and never even as much as told my husband I've had them. They aren't real, and I know my husband would never do that. People need to separate dreams from reality.

I've had those type of dreams and woke up angry. or had dreams about celebrity crushes and felt guilty. dreams can trigger an emotional response haha

Good luck OP! That is definitely a tough predicament to be in..

Just let her go on her tangent and show her your I have nothing to hide, wife did this to me before our wedding too.

I don't know about you, but I would leave her.

No. I wouldn't out right leave her. I would demand her passwords for her emails and social media accounts. If she refuses break off the relationship and call the police for invasion of privacy.

"Yes, officer, my fiancee hacked me!" No, you don't fight fire with fire. That would just create a vicious cycle of distrust. OP needs to just have a talk with his fiancee about invasion of privacy and trusting each other, ESPECIALLY before they truly make a life commitment to each other.

Yes its a little extreme. About calling the police that is. (Work emails and such) But if she thinks its ok to hack into his accounts period, dream or not that should not be tolerated if she won't let you do the same to her. It's like a guy getting frustrated with his girlfriend for not taking it up the butt. For this example she would say ok, so long as she can put on a strap on wing wang and do it to him. It's only fair, but otherwise it's intolerable.

"Why not both?" -little girl from commercial

You really need to talk to her and ask where her fears are coming from. If I ever have a dream like that about my husband jus because I was thinking about the "what ifs" before we went to bed. I hope everything is okay! And change your passwords so she can't get back in there.