Miscellaneous: Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up...

By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

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Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

Own it

The sweet smell of success

By skyhigh - United States

Today, I discovered my parents have spent my college fund because "2012 will happen" before I graduate. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2021 19:31 - India - Bangalore

Looking for a job?

Today, the guy we'd offered to hire, who had a 2-month notice period, emailed to say he couldn't come after all, because his employer offered to retain him. In this two-month timeframe, we didn't interview anybody else and now we're in deep shit. FML

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By Sam - United States

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

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32955

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By mbesameh - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

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43640

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By _whyy_mee - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML

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By but why

Today, when it started raining, I remembered that I'd left my kitchen windows open. I hurried to close them, but slipped in a huge puddle and slid into the wall, making a huge hole in it with my knee. FML

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2469

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By ALetterADay

Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML

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By Shantoya - United States

Today, the guy I've secretly been in love with for years told me how hot my brother is. FML

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30800

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By Backseatseller - New Zealand

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

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29485

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

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By HillaryAngelic - United States - Flint

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

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50435

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By WTFFAIL - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

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By coloring is not for me - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

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22058

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 05:02

Unprofessional

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

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2042

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By argh - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

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34627

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By milf - United States - Muncie

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

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27108

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

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29025

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By Anonymous

Today, my 6'8" Russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML

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3023

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

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22304

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By Noname - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

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60869

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By Anonymous

Not a girl, not yet a woman

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

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By mike - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of one week is suicidal and crazy about me. She showed me that she carved her old boyfriends name in her arm and she threatened suicide if I ever left her. FML

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45417

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By "Caroline Ballard Turner"

Chili beans

Today, I woke up to find that there has been a water main break in my neighborhood and there is no running water until the break is located and fixed. I had chili with beans late last night and it is wreaking havoc with my lower gastrointestinal track, and the toilet won't flush. FML

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2001

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212

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By lizzzie - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

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53017

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By The Christmas Grinch - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

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28354

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I walked into two things. The first was a spiderweb. The second, due to blind panic, was oncoming traffic. FML

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26865

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By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

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27840

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By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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44308

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By scruffy - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

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16003

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By Clumsy

Today, while baby-proofing the stairs so that my toddler wouldn't fall, I slipped on his toy car, broke the brand new gate while grabbing it so I wouldn't fall down the stairs, and broke my wrist and a rib. My husband should mom-proof the house for me now. FML

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3148

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By mcds2 - United States

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

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48714

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By burrito kid - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, as I was taking the driver's test to get my license, I backed into a car. It belonged to the instructor sitting in my passenger seat. FML

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7004

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By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/9/2020 05:02

Great move

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

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426

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By embarassed - United States

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

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27847

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By sonja_n - Australia - Kew

Pentaxed

Today, I lost my balance while crossing a creek and fell in. I had my camera on me at the time. It's fried, and I don't have the $2K I need to replace it. FML

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1326

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514

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By Anonymous

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

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26553

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 15:06 - United States - Albuquerque

You tried

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

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1003

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By shitlicker - United States - La Verne

Today, I lost my balance trying to get my bag out of my car. In doing so, my lips came in contact with some bird poop. FML

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Top comments

By bonbon1559 | 19

#6532441 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:32

Hammer time!

By NoOrdinaryNZer | 28

#6532440 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:31

FYL op, alarms are annoying as hell.

COMMENTS

By NoOrdinaryNZer | 28

#6532440 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:31

FYL op, alarms are annoying as hell.

By bonbon1559 | 19

#6532441 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:32

Hammer time!

GAJones4221 | 10

#6532452 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:22

obviously they don't use it ever, bludgeoning with a hammers justified.

BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532463 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:31

As Nicki Minaj (god I hate even typing this) would say: pound the alarm

JKPwnage | 25

#6532822 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 20:36

I read it in the voice of MC Hammer

By may14th | 26

#6532442 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:35

Light it on fire

GAJones4221 | 10

#6532454 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:24

No, we smash it with a hammer until we can move it outside and then light it on fire with gasoline.

BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532458 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:28

Wouldn't that just set the fire alarm off too?

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6532443 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:39

Hopefully everything will start getting better OP!

By PO_linesman | 4

#6532444 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:46

Open the cover/lid. Disconnect the battery.
If the outside strobe has a separate battery you might need a ladder to do the same outside.

Then get an alarm technician to reset the PIN so you can start using it again.

By Furcorn_57 | 17

#6532445 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:55

Hope everything gets better, OP! That must be annoying. FYL.

By cheeeksss | 29

#6532447 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:02

Beyonce yelling "ring the alarm" started playing in my head.

MsFit | 17

#6532823 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 20:39

I started hearing, "Ring the alarm and I'm throwin' elbows" in mine. Now it's stuck in my head and I just want it to stop. Thanks a lot for the very literal Dirrty mind, OP

By ananicosia | 28

#6532448 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:07

At this point your only option is destruction

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532449 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:11

RIP everyone's ears

By elcee1987 | 18

#6532457 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:27

Dude. Remove the batteries.