Miscellaneous: Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up...

By James - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, the power in my village went out. This caused the back-up battery powered alarm to go off. Nobody in the house even knew our alarm worked, let alone how to make it stop. It's been going off for over an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18312

You deserved it

1757

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

The smell detective is on the case

Monetize your shit life

By Anonymous - 16/1/2021 04:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Hello?

Today, my friend's phone rang in class and my teacher thought it was me, so now I have detention for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

742

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61737

You deserved it

14965

Favorite

By avalanche719 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17716

You deserved it

24480

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2020 20:00 - India

Mask off

Today, I found out that the guy I've been dating for a year is and always has been gay. I was apparently "an amazingly convenient beard" for his ultra-religious family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1794

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By TJ - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26115

You deserved it

10345

Favorite

By overly nationalistic redneck - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48218

You deserved it

5290

Favorite

By jamblasticus - United States

Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56880

You deserved it

6152

Favorite

By Lockedinroom - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47257

You deserved it

13836

Favorite

By not telling you my name - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23567

You deserved it

5755

Favorite

By aishahahaha_ - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14688

You deserved it

754

Favorite

By InDisbelief - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50258

You deserved it

15449

Favorite

By hexphoenix - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34210

You deserved it

2675

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15370

You deserved it

54663

Favorite

By Jake - United States

Today, I was going to hang out with the girl I like, because she was leaving for the rest of the Summer. She had to cancel to go shopping with her grandma "all day." At 1 o'clock, she came online and told me how much fun she had with this guy I really don't like. She forgot that she lied to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55173

You deserved it

3656

Favorite

By duckthehack - Poland

Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42872

You deserved it

8860

Favorite

By what the actual fuck - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25796

You deserved it

4038

Favorite

By Thomas - Canada

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing happy birthday with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31647

You deserved it

2707

Favorite

By Pseudo - France - Vitry-le-fran?ois

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13230

You deserved it

1523

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Compton

Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

3091

Favorite

By TappedAnts - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19008

You deserved it

1315

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 23:01 - United States

Paternity test before the rest

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

860

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33638

You deserved it

2767

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59648

You deserved it

5824

Favorite

By CallMeMrFunny

Today, I mentioned to my parents that Sunday is going to be awesome because it's Christmas. They responded with "Wait, this Sunday? In 3 days?!" Apparently they forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7345

You deserved it

700

Favorite

By Agata - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33118

You deserved it

2846

Favorite

By sadinseattle - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

110080

You deserved it

17458

Favorite

By TubaAssassin

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4772

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By mapollis - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for the fifth time, and all I could say was: "Can I have my parking permit back?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10342

You deserved it

31757

Favorite

By CatLover<3 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46433

You deserved it

21867

Favorite

By Bortenssen - Australia - Perth

It was either an expensive event, or learn to manage your money.

Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

781

You deserved it

1353

Favorite

By Brightbulb - United States

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3690

You deserved it

328

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39283

You deserved it

4833

Favorite

By Umlungu23

Today, during my lunch break, I sat on the manager's chair. As I sat down, I heard a snapping sound and I ended up on the floor. Everyone now calls me "the lumpy girl" who broke the manager's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1976

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By yashika - United States - Denver

Today, I discovered that it doesn’t matter where I move, I will always wake up at 5 a.m. to the sound of construction directly above my ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1487

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By xXMudkipNoobXx - United States

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28916

You deserved it

6136

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11791

You deserved it

66739

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, we woke up to two inches of water in our finished basement, which my wife and I use it as our bedroom. The plumber found roots in our sewer line. The kicker: we just bought the house four days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2594

You deserved it

231

Favorite

By pretty_coin - Australia

Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35186

You deserved it

3548

Favorite

By XLhottie - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56115

You deserved it

22967

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3781

You deserved it

445

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bonbon1559 | 19

#6532441 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:32

Hammer time!

By NoOrdinaryNZer | 28

#6532440 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:31

FYL op, alarms are annoying as hell.

COMMENTS

By NoOrdinaryNZer | 28

#6532440 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:31

FYL op, alarms are annoying as hell.

By bonbon1559 | 19

#6532441 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:32

Hammer time!

GAJones4221 | 10

#6532452 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:22

obviously they don't use it ever, bludgeoning with a hammers justified.

BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532463 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:31

As Nicki Minaj (god I hate even typing this) would say: pound the alarm

JKPwnage | 25

#6532822 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 20:36

I read it in the voice of MC Hammer

By may14th | 26

#6532442 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:35

Light it on fire

GAJones4221 | 10

#6532454 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:24

No, we smash it with a hammer until we can move it outside and then light it on fire with gasoline.

BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532458 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:28

Wouldn't that just set the fire alarm off too?

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6532443 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:39

Hopefully everything will start getting better OP!

By PO_linesman | 4

#6532444 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:46

Open the cover/lid. Disconnect the battery.
If the outside strobe has a separate battery you might need a ladder to do the same outside.

Then get an alarm technician to reset the PIN so you can start using it again.

By Furcorn_57 | 17

#6532445 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 11:55

Hope everything gets better, OP! That must be annoying. FYL.

By cheeeksss | 29

#6532447 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:02

Beyonce yelling "ring the alarm" started playing in my head.

MsFit | 17

#6532823 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 20:39

I started hearing, "Ring the alarm and I'm throwin' elbows" in mine. Now it's stuck in my head and I just want it to stop. Thanks a lot for the very literal Dirrty mind, OP

By ananicosia | 28

#6532448 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:07

At this point your only option is destruction

By BlueBaronBitch | 22

#6532449 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:11

RIP everyone's ears

By elcee1987 | 18

#6532457 - Tuesday 9 February 2016 12:27

Dude. Remove the batteries.