Today, while I was at the gym, I saw a guy walk into the girls locker room. I was walking nearby so I said, "Hey man, that's the wrong one." Turns out it was just a very masculine-looking woman, with a very masculine haircut. FML
Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML
Today, I found out my friends replaced the water in my bottle with vodka when all my fish died. Any water I don't finish the night before, I pour into my tank the next morning. Thousands of dollars and years hard work, gone. FML
Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom in my dorm. After coming out of the bathroom, I realized I'd let my auto-locking door close behind me. I had to go through the whole dorm, sprint across campus in my bra and underwear, and ask someone for my spare key. FML
Today, I was pumping the tire of my bicycle indoors, and suddenly the inner tube exploded next to my head. One ear is now ringing and the other one feels like it's bleeding. FML
Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML
Today, I took a cab ride home from a bar. After a few minutes of horrible driving, I felt sick. The cab driver got so mad she locked me in the car and started driving me to the cops unless I payed her extra. Basically, I paid $120 for a five-minute cab ride. FML
Today, I had to suspend a student. Apparently, someone convinced him that he turned invisible. He walked into the girls locker room thinking he could not be seen. I work at a high school. FML
Today, I had to remove my brother's pubic hairs from the bathtub before bathing my son. FML
Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML
Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML
Today, at Starbucks, I complimented the awkward nerdy barista's name tag because of the funny Sonic decorations on it. The dude took it as me flirting and gave me my drink with Sonic drawn on it. I had applied to work there and now I can't go back. FML
Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML
Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML
Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML
Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML
Today, I inadvertently gave passers by the middle finger as I tried to stop my glasses from sliding off my face. FML
Today, I found out what rotten cooked potato both smells and tastes like. FML
Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML
Today, marks the 3rd day I can't access my institutional login. It's also a replacement public holiday, meaning both the library and IT center aren't open too. My 2500 word Stylistics essay is due in two days. I have 0 words and near-0 understanding on the theory my lecturer told me to use. FML
nebarius tells us more.
nebarius 2
OP here! I didn't think my FML would get posted so I didn't create an account until now, haha. First, thank you all for your suggestions and understanding! Now, to clarify some things...(long comment incoming!) 1. I actually started researching for this assignment on Christmas (My family doesn't celebrate Christmas or New Years so I had no holiday celebrations to distract me). The institutional login went down on the 31st of December and during that time, I had just finished reading textbooks and articles on the Cognitive Metaphor Theory and have only started to look for articles related to my text and such. So yes, I spent 6 days reading up and researching more on the theory because I didn't understand it. Although I'm a second year English major, English is not my first language and it definitely isn't my country's national language either, so I had some trouble with certain words and concepts. 2. My classes officially ended after the first week of December, my class had consultations with our lecturers in the following week. It's not encouraged to start writing essays before the consultations because our ideas can be rejected and in Year 2, rejection is a high probability because we "need to be more unique" and "everything has been done to death". Also, paying attention in class rarely (in my experience) helps in university, especially for a course like mine because what you learn in class may never be applied in your essays. But yes, I actually did go and see my lecturer to have her explain things to me after each class, the unfortunate thing is that she speaks in a roundabout way so even when I ask her to clarify things further, it still makes no sense. Hence I often end up learning everything again by myself. 3. I had a 3000 word essay on Victorian Literature on top of this Stylistics essay. It's completely my fault for underestimating how much time and research I needed on my assignments (I spent two whole weeks on my Vic Lit essay) because I thought that my anxiety and perfectionist-tendencies wouldn't go insane this time round. 4. The Institutional login issue is a campus-wide one. Despite this, none of my classmates and I have the balls ask for a deadline extension. Prior to this issue, it has already been extended by a day and most of us don't want to bother our lecturer since she's the nicest one and the only one who really cares so far. She's also new and has done a lot for us (as in helping us catch up with the basics we weren't taught in Year 1 so that we can understand Stylistics). Also, as soon as it opened, I went over to the library to ask about what happened and they told me that the IT department decided to "restart" the servers, which I find ridiculous because it's less than a week away from examinations period and the majority of the university have their assignments due before examinations period starts. 5. My classmates are unfortunately on the same boat as I am, meaning, none of us get Stylistics enough to teach someone else. We've spent our entire time in Stylistics trying to catch up on the basics of Linguistics while learning Stylistics at the same time so a lot of whatever that's taught in Stylistics flew over our heads. 6. There's no "winter break" for my university because my country is a tropical country (which is weird because we have "summer break". Christmas is unfortunately also viewed as one of the minor holidays so no, there's no study break during Christmas as well, but it's still a public holiday. I hope that clears some things up! Also, I'm a 'she/her/female' :)
Today, I finally realized my sister-in-law tilts all the artwork on my walls every time she visits. Apparently, she's been doing this for years, just to drive me crazy. FML
TheAprilWitch tells us more.
I might do that! Thanks for the suggestion. Good thing I haven't called her out on it yet. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing, though. It's been going on for years! And it's not like we are that intimate, or goof around much.
Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML
Today, during an endless heat wave, I sat at my local pub having a beer. I was delighted as a cool sea breeze started to come through. I was less delighted when the sea breeze picked up and blew cigarette ash onto my sweaty face and into my mouth. FML
Today, a telemarketer called my house phone and asked for my grandpa. We were in the middle of having his wake. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, I attempted to score with a previous friend-with-benefits by sending her a photo of my Christmas present, bondage rope. She arrived an hour later in a mad panic. She thought I was going to hang myself. FML
Today, I went back to my friends place drunk. As we were walking in, she told me to be quiet, so as not to wake her parents and let them know we were drunk. I then walked in and looked at her parents, who were still awake watching TV, and said, "Shhh. Meg told me not to wake her parents." FML
ashlyrose45 tells us more.
ashlyrose45 12
Didn't realize this got posted! But her parents knew we were out drinking so it wasn't a big deal :) it was just really late, like 3 or 4 in the morning, so she figured they'd be asleep. Felt pretty stupid when I woke up!
Today, my mother got married. My siblings and I only found out when the pool hall she held the ceremony at posted the news on Facebook. FML
texaskitty86 tells us more.
texaskitty86 25
Holy crap I finally got published! A little back ground, we knew that mom and her now husband had gotten a marriage license almost 2 months ago but had never gotten it signed (therefor not legally married). We had talked about it the week before and she had told me she didn't think she'd go through with it because he is an alcoholic (like her), abusive, and irresponsible. We were shocked and more then a little upset that she had gone through with it, and that she hadn't told anyone about it, but at this point we're all used to this kind of behavior and I haven't talked to her since.
Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML
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