Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up...

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4918

You deserved it

390

Favorite

Miscellaneous

DINOSAURS!!

Compassion

Headache

By BadKitty - 11/9/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11743

You deserved it

1231

Favorite

By I wasn't being clingy geez - 23/10/2016 17:18 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "too clingy". I haven't seen her in over 3 weeks and texted her first once. Guess that's still too much for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11138

You deserved it

812

Favorite

By cyantist - 23/1/2009 08:24 - United States

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24767

You deserved it

5145

Favorite

By Brie - 5/9/2011 13:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35001

You deserved it

3168

Favorite

By Ginger - 3/10/2010 18:34 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28330

You deserved it

3967

Favorite

By LadyGagasLOVER - 8/8/2010 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45608

You deserved it

3502

Favorite

By jkon - 4/8/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17208

You deserved it

54224

Favorite

By banana - 26/2/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16849

You deserved it

74245

Favorite

By anonymous - 17/9/2013 17:52 - United States

Today, I was uninvited to a bachelorette party. I wouldn't really care, if the party hadn't been for me, ahead of my wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49681

You deserved it

3930

Favorite

By Kelly - 2/8/2012 08:11 - United States - Manteca

Today, my brother offered my boyfriend $50 to dump me. Guess who's single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32048

You deserved it

3133

Favorite

By IzzMeister - 15/12/2019 20:00 - United States

Watch a movie

Today, I walked in on my uncle watching porn. I realized that it was porn of my boyfriend, and he told me that the girl in it was "just a friend". FML

I agree, your life sucks

1805

You deserved it

139

Favorite

By LadyLump - 24/1/2010 18:12 - United States

Today, I was ecstatic after spending the night with my longtime crush, when he told me he felt something. I poured my heart and soul out to him, confessing my love for him too. Unfortunately, he was referring to a lump in my left breast, which I now need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35960

You deserved it

4560

Favorite

By dev - 28/8/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20741

You deserved it

40489

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/12/2013 20:25 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48385

You deserved it

2756

Favorite

By Upset - 3/2/2016 18:14 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, after finding out that my professor likes to talk trash about, and constantly belittle, Muslims in every American History class he teaches, I submitted an essay about Muslim contributions to humanity. He held me back after class and asked why I gave him such filth. I'm a Muslim. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31237

You deserved it

5009

Favorite

By placard3 - 2/10/2019 20:02

Cruel Summer

Today, I went to the hospital to get a cast that I have been wearing for the past three months removed from my wrist. Thanks to said cast, I couldn't have any summer fun at all. The doctor took a final X-ray and said, "Well look at that, your wrist wasn't fractured to begin with." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1810

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By analeis - 25/3/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17687

You deserved it

29259

Favorite

By phoenixditch - 23/5/2013 07:13 - United States - Burke

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45742

You deserved it

5596

Favorite

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

6007

Favorite

By lex - 14/2/2013 11:01 - United States

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29922

You deserved it

12226

Favorite

By Goodtimes - 1/10/2019 20:01

Trust

Today, I had to dump my girlfriend because of tons of trust issues that kept reappearing. Shortly afterwards, my credit card disappeared and I got to experience my first identity theft. All within 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1657

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Jessica - 21/8/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28831

You deserved it

3450

Favorite

By flattened - 10/2/2011 10:58

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61481

You deserved it

8478

Favorite

By idiot - 9/7/2012 21:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12006

You deserved it

23387

Favorite

By lukey_G - 20/3/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was driving me to her house against my will when I said, "Sometimes it's annoying that you always decide where we go because you drive." She replied, "Yeah, I wish I could be more of the girl in this relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14538

You deserved it

80990

Favorite

By Rin - 15/1/2010 08:02 - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31396

You deserved it

6144

Favorite

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/8/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50891

You deserved it

10782

Favorite

By fianceeless - 21/1/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46475

You deserved it

3867

Favorite

By preggo eggo - 30/11/2017 16:00

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3992

You deserved it

487

Favorite

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26744

You deserved it

1881

Favorite

By drunkdial - 6/1/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30240

You deserved it

4578

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 13:13 - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31992

You deserved it

10082

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2016 04:09

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

14653

You deserved it

1288

Favorite

By pink_cupcakes - 15/8/2009 10:22 - Australia

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51727

You deserved it

4750

Favorite

By daisythebunny1988 - 25/3/2020 05:15

Confinement is rough

Today, my mother is snoring so loud that I can still hear her with the door shut and with earplugs in. So much for sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1330

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By rabid_otaku - 20/9/2014 23:39 - United States - Sycamore

Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peeing, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38875

You deserved it

2897

Favorite

By Chubby - 17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37045

You deserved it

5144

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27032

You deserved it

10621

Favorite

By chubbs - 28/5/2014 21:07 - United States - Vacaville

Today, after waiting 2 hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50024

You deserved it

3751

Favorite

By evilplatypus - 11/2/2019 14:00 - United States - Cromwell

Today, after talking to my psychiatrist about a delusion I have - that I know is a delusion but simply can’t shake - he started frowning and pulled out the DSM-V. After thumbing through it for a while he looks at me and says, “That’s not in here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2070

You deserved it

167

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#7383587 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 6:07

Ninja kick his balls into his throat.

By Slinky119 | 9

#7384003 - Thursday 5 January 2017 12:11

Did he really fail then?

Comments

By Laphog | 17

#7383581 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 5:07

The ass to mouth ninja . Silent . And oh, so so deadly .

By emeraldisle | 30

#7383584 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 5:25

At least he didn't kick you in the face instead.

Dave_Davington | 33

#7383636 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 9:55

Personally, I'd prefer a kick to the face over someone else's shitty undies.

By aggoden_bed | 9

#7383586 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 5:52

Hone your ninja skills. You now have a target for knife throwing.

By sherri_baby88 | 35

#7383587 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 6:07

Ninja kick his balls into his throat.

By ArcaneBullshit | 21

#7383588 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 6:12

I'd ask if they were clean but based on your username I'd assume not, sorry op

assassinmaster | 21

#7383590 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 6:14

OP wrote dirty underwear, how can dirty underwear be clean lol

ArcaneBullshit | 21

#7383630 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 8:58

My eyes completely skipped that word haha, oops, thanks for not being a dick about it

By OhPuhleeze | 23

#7383628 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 8:27

You could get him.. with things so much worse...

By somedudesomewher | 29

#7383690 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 15:15

I remember a FML of a girl who threw her bloody panties at her brother. This wasn't payback was it?

By Slinky119 | 9

#7384003 - Thursday 5 January 2017 12:11

Did he really fail then?