Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I... - FML

By Ouijake - 4/1/2017 00:15

Today, I tried out the new VR headset I got for Christmas. I downloaded a 'Moon Walk' app and went for a walk around my basement. I felt adventurous and tried to climb my stairs, took a nice large step ready to ascend the lunar hill, and found myself standing in my cat's litter box. FML

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Instadrama

Boozehound alert

Incognito browsing

By Jugan - 19/10/2012 21:44 - France - Vaulx-milieu

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

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By blech - 8/12/2014 23:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML

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By Professional - 29/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

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By smartass - 30/5/2015 02:31 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

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By PeeFlavouredFloss - 14/1/2013 03:36 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

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By assumed - 1/3/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

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By BobE - 31/7/2019 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to a mall and got some really awesome shoes. I went home to find out that they are actually women's shoes. I'm a dude. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

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By dumblond - 14/8/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML

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By Stoopid - 7/7/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

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By Misunderstood Waitress - 6/11/2012 22:37 - United States

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

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By Lunab123 - 1/2/2015 02:43 - United States - Potomac

Today, I had food poisoning and woke up early in the morning to vomit. My mom emailed all of my teachers saying that I would be late to school because of "morning sickness". Thanks mom. FML

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By fml - 7/3/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

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By thanks, fuckface - 16/11/2012 19:42 - United States - Parachute

Today, just as I was about to orgasm, my boyfriend whispered, "Cum, my preciousssss" into my ear, in his scarily accurate Gollum voice. I think my clitoris just about withered away in despair. FML

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By fijiflu - 5/11/2015 21:31

Today, at work in a call center, I went into my locker to get my pain pills from a recent surgery. When I opened the bottle, half my pills spread all over the floor. My boss walked by and said, "I knew it!" FML

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By BoomHeadshot - 2/5/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

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By alone - 6/2/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

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By alaskan1989 - 22/1/2011 01:27 - United States

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

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By VacationTSA - 19/2/2009 16:29 - United States

Today, I woke up in a girls bed, that I have had a crush on for two years. She was sleeping on the floor with someone else. FML

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By emilyhendrix0414 - 28/9/2012 10:53 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 03:45 - United States - Portland

Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML

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By missedout - 5/2/2013 22:48 - United States - York

Today, while my mother-in-law visited, I asked if she wouldn't mind watching my son for 10 minutes as I had run out of baby shampoo. I came back home to see she had shaved his head completely bald. That was his very first haircut. FML

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By GeesLouisee - 1/5/2018 15:00

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

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By Gee... Thanks - 3/9/2014 01:35

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2019 16:00

Today, I was in a bathroom stall and someone had left their dirty tampon rolled up in toilet paper on the top of the paper dispenser. I felt obligated to dispose of it, so the next person didn't think I left it, because there was a line for the stalls. Fuck you, asshole. FML

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By blegh - 1/4/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

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By greek_dancer - 13/7/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

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By Stevo - 18/6/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

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By Anoymous - 18/9/2013 18:31 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

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By Snow White - 22/5/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so pale that I managed to get a sunburn while sitting in a bus. FML

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By moe472 - 24/1/2012 02:47 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because I look like her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2018 17:30

Today, while trying to hold the door open on an elevator, I managed to drop something down the elevator shaft. I'm blind, and the something was my white cane. FML

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By master6 - 21/12/2018 04:00

Today I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

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By GuiltByTenuousAssociation - 1/3/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 17:48 - Romania - Buzau

Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2016 12:31

Today, I found a "white power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2019 20:00

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

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Top comments

By Wizardo | 33

#7383684 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 14:29

One large step for a man, one huge shitty leap for mankind.

By rebeccabyram | 15

#7383693 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 15:25

You'll find some moon rocks in there

COMMENTS

By Wizardo | 33

#7383684 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 14:29

One large step for a man, one huge shitty leap for mankind.

By rebeccabyram | 15

#7383693 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 15:25

You'll find some moon rocks in there

By moooooo0 | 0

#7383697 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 16:14

At least you didn't fall, OP!

By species4872 | 19

#7383733 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 18:50

Today, My cat stole my VR headset and thought my keyboard was it's litter box. FML

By Steve115s | 7

#7383790 - Wednesday 4 January 2017 22:18

It could have been much worse

By Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#7383813 - Thursday 5 January 2017 0:05

Wow! It really feels like I'm stepping on gravel!

By epiccrazy | 15

#7383861 - Thursday 5 January 2017 4:26

This is the funniest thing I've read all day. Thank you for the laugh!

By momac86 | 17

#7383961 - Thursday 5 January 2017 10:13

Omg I'm literally in tears that's the funniest thing I've read in a while!!!!

By kaitekat | 1

#7384275 - Thursday 5 January 2017 16:43

YDI OP, thats just poor planning on your part.

By AWildFresh | 19

#7384840 - Saturday 7 January 2017 1:26

This is why we need the you deserved it button bqck