Cars

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 528

You deserved it 3 091

Punk'd

By lululee53 - 31/12/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, after spotting my ex-boyfriend's truck in a desolate parking lot, I decided to "decorate" the muddy side of it with a rather large male appendage. After checking around me to make sure there were no witnesses, I got to work. I probably should have made sure he wasn't sitting in the truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 284

You deserved it 49 886

By drew - 18/12/2010 20:22 - United States

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 5 009

Losing streak

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card, since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV, a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 749

You deserved it 3 607

I miss you

By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 00:41 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were in his car when he burst out crying, I thought it might have been because we had gotten into a huge fight and he felt bad. No, he cried on my shoulder for a half hour because he misses his ex-girlfriend. He's been writing songs about wanting her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 691

You deserved it 3 997

Move!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 15:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 604

You deserved it 54 313

What a wonderful life

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 02:43 - United States

Today, I felt really depressed so I decided to go to McDonald's, get a sundae and cheer myself up. I got pulled over by the cops on the way, and was given a ticket for an expired registration. McDonald's was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 075

You deserved it 13 050

Health hazard

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I watched a grizzled old gas station attendant, with a stain on her blouse, use my driver's license to pick something out of her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 259

You deserved it 2 921

Road trip

By fmmlll - 18/10/2010 08:56 - United States

Today, I'm going on an 8-hour drive with my insane family. This usually means screaming arguments, graphic conversations about my dad's pubes, some karaoke, plenty of farting, some stale Pringles, and an obese golden retriever on my lap the entire time. Arizona, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 498

You deserved it 4 095

Get out of my way

By toyotasmash - 07/10/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 892

You deserved it 3 560

By Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 178

You deserved it 37 234

By Username - 27/09/2010 00:50 - France

Today, I was driving to my company picnic with 85 lbs of meat in the back seat, and 1 gallon of homemade BBQ sauce and mustard in large pans riding shotgun. As I drove down a steep hill, the BBQ sauce pan slid forward, hit the glove box and exploded in my front seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 223

You deserved it 23 349

Wee woo wee woo

By joshualover - 23/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 532

You deserved it 28 369

Baited

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, while I was driving, a police officer jumped out from the sidewalk and into my lane. I slammed on the brakes so I wouldn't hit him. He then gave me a ticket for "obstructing traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 2 581

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 152

You deserved it 31 241

Neighbors from hell

By Myself - 06/09/2010 10:45 - United States

Today, after a few months of my neighbor's friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed, "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 531

You deserved it 17 000

Could you stop doing that, please?

By Scabs - 09/08/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 832

You deserved it 2 645

Driving me mad

By Username - 06/07/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 093

You deserved it 12 738

By Daniel - 27/06/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 686

You deserved it 3 961

Gross, dude!

By Anonymous - 27/05/2010 02:30 - United States

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 3 185

By loki - 13/03/2010 09:17 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 975

You deserved it 23 564

Enabling

By dream_girl_3 - 08/03/2010 09:37 - United States

Today, I let my boyfriend drive my car, knowing that he doesn't have a license. While he was out, he ran a stop sign, collided with another vehicle, and then left the scene of the accident. Then he lied to me about how the accident happened so I "wouldn't be so upset." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 656

You deserved it 52 392

Duped

By rippedoff - 04/03/2010 14:09 - Australia

Today, I found out that the man who sold me my car 6 months ago lied about it being "recently serviced" and "in excellent condition". It actually hasn't been serviced in years, and fixing all its problems is going to cost me $900 more than what I paid for the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 239

You deserved it 29 900

Violence is never the answer

By MUemma - 26/02/2010 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me. He told me he was cheating on me, and that he wanted to break up. I was so angry that as he left, I started screaming at him out of my second story apartment window. I picked up a huge potted plant and shoved it through the window at him. It missed my ex and hit my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 046

You deserved it 49 425

Ralph and Huey

By justmyluck - 12/02/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 754

You deserved it 4 921

Break ups are tough

By ... - 10/02/2010 09:08 - United States

Today, my pissed off girlfriend used window marker to write racist comments on my car window. This included Nazi symbols, "white power", and a few others I won't mention. I live in a predominantly black neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 203

You deserved it 4 382

By wolfpacking - 02/02/2010 05:51 - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist-pumping. We hit a bump, I fist-pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 149

You deserved it 54 028

It's not what you think, sorry

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 345

You deserved it 10 243

Black out

By Shoeless - 20/01/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, after I drank way too much, my friend pulled the car over so I could throw up. Next to my pile of puke was a discarded shoe that looked remarkably like one from my favorite pair. When I got home, I realized that my left shoe was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 377

You deserved it 35 447

You dipstick!

By mah - 16/01/2010 02:25 - United States

Today, while getting gas, a hottie pulled-up to the pump next to me. I finished filling my tank and started to drive away. As I was checking her out and paying no attention to my driving, I ended up taking the front bumper off her car with my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 060

You deserved it 40 506

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The Top

Today, I learned that lightning and flash flooding are the best motivatiors. I learned this while on a run and 2 miles away from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 666

You deserved it 1 468

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 442

You deserved it 3 938

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 687

You deserved it 15 780

Today, I went to a dress up party. The theme was pirates and prostitutes. At the door I was handed a voucher that said: 'Thank you for dressing up. Collect your free drink at the bar.' I didn't dress up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 566

You deserved it 39 197

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 919

You deserved it 2 927

Today, we got on the plane for our honeymoon and her parents were on the same damn plane, going to the same spa resort, in the room next door, and my wife has the nerve to tell me it was a coincidence. How we supposed to get our sexy freak on, sharing a bedroom wall with her repressed mother? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 209