Miscellaneous: Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country....

By Stacy Dee - 20/07/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my family is on the third day of driving cross country. My husband is still pretending he is driving on a NASCAR track, sound effects and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 4 476

Miscellaneous

Compromises

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Mother of the year

By Pimaan - 26/10/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 707

You deserved it 35 827

By S. Tucker - 07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 758

You deserved it 3 594

By Sick - 28/01/2017 16:00

Today, I noticed a thick layer of mold growing inside the straw of my water bottle. I use that bottle every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 675

You deserved it 4 664

By socialbanana - 19/12/2016 02:13 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after getting up at 6 a.m., fighting with the dogs to wipe their paws off from the snow, and having to wait for a moving truck to move so I could get to work by 8, I got a call from my boss saying we were closed due to weather. It was 8:15. I was already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 597

You deserved it 685

By ajodasdojsad - 21/03/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 928

You deserved it 3 884

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 18:34 - United States - Erie

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 087

You deserved it 3 391

Skipped town

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to my girlfriend's apartment, but it was empty. I went to her parents' house, it was empty as well. She isn’t responding to my messages, so I guess I got ghosted in real life and online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 21/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 191

You deserved it 219

Post-it

By Lalalala - 06/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 98

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 02:01

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 271

By i love stupid people - 14/07/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 108

Insurance is a scam

By leogs23 - 27/02/2021 16:58

Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 194

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 727

You deserved it 6 423

By peachesthepigeon - 19/01/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 2 660

By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 890

You deserved it 2 394

Booty non-call

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 217

By Marty - 24/08/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 510

You deserved it 2 584

Didn't see ya there!

By jazojigga - 02/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 744

You deserved it 52 087

By Murphy's law - 13/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was working on my laptop when the screen suddenly turned red. I was shocked since it's not that old, but my insurance just expired. On my way to the service I was thinking, "At least my car works!" Well... A few hours later, my car broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 164

By nh-Amazon - 27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 7 282

By LaughingFML - 01/06/2016 21:33 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my best friend jokingly blocked my number until I apply for a job. She is also supposed to be picking me up from the airport, so now I have no way to contact her to tell her what time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 860

You deserved it 1 118

By GrahamCracker - 21/05/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 585

You deserved it 8 906

By Me - 11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 182

You deserved it 1 646

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 9 181

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 100

By marriedtoacunt - 19/10/2012 18:27 - United Kingdom - London

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 016

You deserved it 5 765

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 10:00

Today, I pretended to have a heart attack so my baby sister would know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she drank my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 1 639

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 04:00

Today, I think I found out just how many times I've ordered through UberEats when my delivery guy told me that, "We should stop seeing each other like this!" with a chuckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 481

By Forever alone Guy - 19/02/2013 23:07 - Australia - Narre Warren

Today, I've been single for so long my grandmother had to ask if I actually like women or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 3 813

By Becky - 21/08/2009 23:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 9 441

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 975

You deserved it 10 281

By ssnickel - 07/07/2009 21:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 885

You deserved it 19 664

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 16:23 - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 1 839

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 217

You deserved it 10 681

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 00:01

Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 311

By bahhumbug - 21/12/2015 18:25 - United States - Seattle

Today, I received three big boxes from my mother in law, containing expensive cookware. I was puzzled, because I know that she hates me. Turns out she mailed them to us by mistake. Not only did she not get us anything, but I now have to pay to ship the boxes to her neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 057

You deserved it 1 887

By tadam - 10/11/2008 09:11 - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 464

You deserved it 74 617

By confused - 27/02/2015 03:07 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 301

You deserved it 25 890

By clostar - 19/01/2016 20:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 378

You deserved it 9 834

By ThatsNotRight - 26/01/2009 02:51 - United States

Today, while I was babysitting my nephews, the 7 year old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 762

You deserved it 4 407

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Top comments

chronicstds 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

you must be a redneck

Iamnotmyself 17

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:07

Vrmmmmm, Zzzoooooom, Beeeeeeep

Iamnotmyself 17

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:07

Vrmmmmm, Zzzoooooom, Beeeeeeep

azpallen 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:19

lamnotmyself

Iamnotmyself 17

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:30

-15 message me if you want to talk. otherwise shut up.

cheezbrgrsrcool 1

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:19

lol

imustbeinsane 2

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Thursday 21 July 2011 12:41

* tick tick tick tick tick left blinker on the whole trip

DKjazz 20

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Thursday 21 July 2011 15:48

And slowly, highway madness sets in.

IWarnedYou 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 20:00

purplecowchik 5

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Friday 22 July 2011 1:41

I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a speeding ticket yet.

goaliemkl123 8

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Friday 22 July 2011 6:57

do racecars have horns?

R34luver 5

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Friday 22 July 2011 7:19

hahah nope! nor head lights/ taillights, nor turnsignals, nor street legal tires, nor passenger seats, nor....ect ect ect..

R34luver 5

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Friday 22 July 2011 7:25

well NASCAR Stock Cars anyway...

bluevayero 42

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Wednesday 19 December 2012 8:56

VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm, VMMMMmmmmmm...(overtaken by everyone)

Maccaroney 11

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Friday 3 October 2014 20:10

They will next year!

chronicstds 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

you must be a redneck

fyriwolf666 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:38

Not every NASCAR fan is a redneck. What an annoying stereotype.

fat1239 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:11

ehhh its mostly true myself bein one

captainsuperdawg 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 11:03

you don't have to be a redneck to like NASCAR, but you have to like NASCAR to be a redneck

Dudelike89 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 12:03

We're gonna go fast and turn ta tha left!

commietaco 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 12:27

I appreciate a good left turn. I even appreciate 600 of them...without any milk.

quadder 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 17:23

I wouldn't say redneck, but most NASCAR fans are just flat out white trash

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 18:00

white trash is too far I like NASCAR and I live in a house with a yard with cut grass I'm a little bit redneck but not white trash that's offensive.

R34luver 5

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Friday 22 July 2011 7:21

^^^ high-class white-trash!!

hellbilly205 17

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Friday 22 July 2011 18:13

no you dont im pure redneck and i hate NASCAR

quadder 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 21:16

agreed hellbilly

Hosea11 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:08

it happens

thetrollyoulike 6

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Thursday 21 July 2011 10:16

but not really though

LoveLife293 2

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Thursday 21 July 2011 22:57

let him have fun! it'll all end when a cop comes to give him a ticket. its all good

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:11

left turn!

LolMoqz 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:27

WOAH! LOOK AT THAT LEFT TURN! WOAH, ANOTHER ONE! YET ANOTHER! and another left.. and another.. left.. fuck this, I'm leaving. I didn't pay money to watch people taking left turns for 500 laps.

Osito2011 9

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Thursday 21 July 2011 13:22

right turns are over rated!

deprived13 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 21:40

ooo another left turn!!!

Philliesfan9391 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

Are you saying there is something wrong with that?

quadder 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 17:25

watching NASCAR us like watching skittles circling in a toilet bowl

jayer_hooo 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 8:50

rofl

azpallen 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:12

heybuddy2344

NAU_future 7

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:13

So start pretending you're on a NASCAR track, lodge your foot underneath him, and pit maneuver him right out of the car.

_Oblivion_ 12

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Friday 22 July 2011 5:03

bahaha

sweetalicious 1

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:14

NASCAR ftw :)

quadder 0

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Thursday 21 July 2011 17:27

derp gonna make a left turn derp derp then another left turn derp then a sharp left derp derp

instnt1nfction 17

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Thursday 21 July 2011 18:00

herpin derp

DeadRob 13

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Friday 22 July 2011 21:58

nascar rpcks

cookie_3008 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Well isnt there a bottle of Champaigne at the end of every race?? ^_^

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:21

no it's coke or beer champagne is for Europeans.

cookie_3008 4

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:24

I see.. =) oh well, too bad for her. ^_^

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:28

but beer is good so it ain't bad

MrLefty 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 11:09

No I'm pretty sure it's champagne. They also will do soda and Gatorade. The driver throws around soda or Gatorade, the crew sprays champagne on the driver.

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Thursday 21 July 2011 21:20

it's whatever drink sponsors the driver

enonymous 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 9:15

Don't mix up the coke bottle for where he spits his skoal.... and don't you dare think of touching his limited edition Dale Jr autographed budweiser cooler.