Cars

AITA?

By Kathryn - 13/08/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 402

You deserved it 41 166

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 2 163

By toobroketoprotest - 16/08/2019 20:00

Today, I found out that the higher-ups aren’t letting us use the break room anymore, so guess it’s back to eating lunch in my car while it’s 100°F outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 123

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 499

You deserved it 3 085

Light day

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 14:01

Today, on my 16th birthday, my lightly worn jeans split while I was at school. I attempted to fix them with staples, but I have a metal allergy. So I took my driving exam with a rash on my butt and staples digging in, in a car that had no AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 418

Dangling

By Jeff comes unstuck - 31/08/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning my car when I hit the automatic window button while I was vacuuming in between the door and the driver's seat, and got stuck halfway out, in full view of my neighbor. He had to come get me out, because I couldn't reach the button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 228

Karma?

By Anonymous - 30/10/2023 17:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the day after I bragged about never having a car accident in my life, I mistakenly put my car into Drive instead of Reverse and crashed into my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 515

Turn left into the lake

By Anonymous - 13/03/2023 22:00

Today, I got into a heated, one-sided argument with my GPS, and ended up driving around in circles for an hour due to roadworks messing with my GPS's computations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 574

Who's fault is that?

By junie b - 03/03/2022 22:00

Today, I failed my driving test. Why? Before I even began driving, someone hit my car while it was still parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 77

Protest song

By Anonymous - 16/04/2024 18:00 - United States - Lockport

Today, I picked my sister up from the hospital. Apparently, she got into it with some guy who “didn’t look disabled” for parking in a handicapped spot and laid under his tires to stop him from leaving. He didn’t realize and ran her over. Now I have to listen to her bitch and moan about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 83

The pros and cons

By Anonymous - 04/03/2024 07:00 - Australia

Today, I found an upside to being morbidly obese. My partner got a flat tyre, and the bolts had rusted tight, making it impossible for him to turn the wrench. I had to put my substantial weight behind it, and in the end we managed to get them all off by me jumping on the wrench each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 451

Spillage

By haytia22 - 24/07/2009 05:01 - United States

Today, I learned that when your gas nozzle does not automatically stop by itself the way it's supposed to, they will continue to charge your credit card as the gas overflows out of your tank until someone notices and yells, "Turn the gas off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 344

You deserved it 52 407

Kids hear EVERYTHING

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 13:01 - Canada - Westbridge

Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 1 191

OK Shaggy

By Anonymous - 26/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Randolph

Today, I was pumping gas at a gas station. An attractive woman walked by and the guy pumping gas behind me did a whistle/catcall to her. She then looked at me and gave me a disgusted look. I didn't even try to hit on a girl, and still got rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 115

Policy of truth

By WalkofShame101 - 04/06/2023 22:00

Today, my parents took the car I was supposed to get for my graduation back. Note to self: Don’t fall asleep at your friend Diane’s house past curfew. PS: Don’t lie about being at Diane’s, because they called her mom, who said I wasn’t there. I was actually at my boyfriend’s apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 1 862

Alexa, play "Charmless Man" by Blur

By Scaredafffff - 12/05/2021 14:03

Today, I accidentally changed the radio station in my boyfriend’s car. He threw a humongous fit and started driving recklessly, almost causing an accident on several occasions. He then dropped me off at a stop sign and told me to, "walk home, you need to lose weight anyway, fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 253

Road rage

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 00:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had a “Fuck you” shouting match with a guy who'd tailgated me in the slow lane through an active school zone. I flipped him off when he finally passed, which admittedly wasn’t my best move. He ended up beside me, windows down, where we verbally sparred like teenagers in a dick swinging contest. Regrettably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 549

Make your mind up

By Anonymous - 30/09/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, when I got to work, I found out that I was being laid off. Two hours later, I found out my boss had my name on the wrong list. I was elated. I went to lunch, but on the way back was rear-ended, in the rain. I was an hour and a half late getting back to work. I was fired upon returning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 046

You deserved it 3 197

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 431

You deserved it 4 495

Tired

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I left home to go to work, only to find that my car had a flat tyre. No problem, I thought, I'll just change it. That's when I discovered that I'd left my spare tyre at the mechanic's last time I had a flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 601

You deserved it 278

Pile on

By turtle - 12/07/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 614

You deserved it 12 683

Rewind time

By supersmashpika - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 667

You deserved it 9 991

Driving me mad

By Username - 06/07/2010 22:21 - France

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 12 725

(facepalm)

By Anonymous - 06/02/2018 15:00

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 967

You deserved it 300

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 04/02/2024 00:00

Today, I got a call from the police informing me that my car was involved in an accident outside my house. At least I can prove I was in another continent when it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 76

By LiquorChick - 20/01/2012 08:23 - United States

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 486

You deserved it 3 549

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 02:34 - United States

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 300

You deserved it 3 346

Sitting ducks

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 12:00

Today, my friend and I stopped at a convenience store. She mentioned that it was was "a bad part of town", and I angrily reminded her that just because it's a poor area doesn't make it bad, and that she needed to be more tolerant. We then got jumped, beaten, and robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 1 184

Little Red Corvette

By ferrin10 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was mowing lawns for my summer job. I noticed next to me a shiny new Corvette being washed by the owner. I gave a friendly wave, just as I heard a big clank as the mower blade shot a rock into the side of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 366

You deserved it 5 394

Loose at the seams

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 064

You deserved it 3 428

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The Top

Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 250

You deserved it 2 725

Today, I went to get a banana for breakfast and said to my mom, with whom I currently live at age 32 because of Covid, that I don't normally eat bananas, but it looked good. She looked at me and said, "You clearly need to get yourself a man." She's right, but jeez! Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 253

The Top

Today, my girlfriend called me and told me "she has a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So, I hurried home only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 147

You deserved it 3 443

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 538

You deserved it 11 823

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 2 763

Today, just like every other day, my mom has prioritized doing chores and chatting with her neighbors above even talking to me. This would be fine, if it wasn't in Animal Crossing. Apparently, a lifestyle video game is more important than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 119

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 307

You deserved it 3 233

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 8 885