Miscellaneous: Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML - FML

By Suzie Leone - 24/01/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 2 694

Dysfunctional

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 096

You deserved it 24 303

By Jill - 07/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I moved into my new flat only to notice it's right across from a frequently used railway line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 1 612

By Anonymous - 03/08/2016 18:50 - Canada - London

Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 634

You deserved it 1 392

By mbesameh - 11/06/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad makes me wear dresses and skirts not because I look pretty in them, but because he was sick and tired of people asking him if I was a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 658

You deserved it 6 232

By Anonymous - 27/06/2011 13:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 942

You deserved it 8 097

Have a Coke and smile

By Cokerella - 14/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 94

By anonymous - 26/01/2013 08:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 122

You deserved it 5 625

By TowelSinger - 12/02/2012 08:07

Today, I was at a choir convention, and everyone sings the national anthem outside their rooms each night. I was not informed and took a shower. My roommates opened the door, yanked me out, and locked me out of the room to sing wearing just a towel. The guy down the hall was video taping it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 405

You deserved it 4 178

By pottyhostage - 08/11/2010 21:26 - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 859

You deserved it 45 013

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 055

You deserved it 5 229

By Anonymous - 26/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, after driving a few hours late at night I decided to entertain the car tailgating me by not letting him pass. After doing this for 3miles, reaching 93MPH, I decided to let the car pass me. When I switched lanes, the car tailgating me light up in red and blue. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 161

You deserved it 97 000

By cock sauce - 09/06/2012 21:15 - Switzerland - Luzern

Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 344

You deserved it 29 555

By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 939

You deserved it 30 183

By tenniemo - 10/08/2019 14:00

Today, I caught one of my students checking out my butt while I was helping another student at his table. I teach 8th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 380

Near the knuckle

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 05:01

Today, as a waitress I served someone who was hoping their food would come back faster than expected. I replied, “Fingers crossed!” just for the person to show me they had no hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 99

By sadface - 04/01/2010 06:43 - Australia

Today, I pulled a hamstring by taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 421

You deserved it 7 398

By Isabelle18 - 19/07/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 313

You deserved it 29 493

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 16:42 - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 444

You deserved it 2 784

You wish!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2012 02:22 - United States

Today, on my first day of a new factory job, I discovered that my new boss had lied to me about my hours. I found this out when my coworkers burst out laughing when I mentioned having the weekends off, and talking about my recreational plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 735

You deserved it 2 461

By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 258

You deserved it 27 055

Empathy

By Anonymous - 25/06/2020 20:00

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 164

By So I can go now then? - 09/02/2019 20:00

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 622

You deserved it 236

Not lovin' it

By jared576 - 05/06/2015 03:01

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 2 733

By anonymous - 05/03/2011 05:34 - France

Today, I found out the hard way that if you think a waiter is hot, you probably shouldn't tell your parents. They could react by screaming at him across the room to tell him you think he's a hottie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 827

You deserved it 16 306

By Emily - 01/08/2012 05:44 - Canada - Baden

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 767

You deserved it 3 274

Shocking reaction

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 14:00

Today, I was replacing some outlets for work and I got surprise-electrified. I threw my wire strippers in the air while yelling, "Oh fuck me." The homeowner and his 2 kids were standing 3 feet away. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 623

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 180

You deserved it 892

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 860

You deserved it 3 919

By nosleep - 29/12/2012 07:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 997

You deserved it 3 225

By paging dr. kevorkian - 16/05/2013 21:23 - Netherlands

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 708

You deserved it 5 896

By Laceylace - 22/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a sexy letter designed to arouse him. I described what I wanted us to do to each other in the most erotic way. Later, he came up to me and hugged me, saying it was the funniest thing he ever read and he's glad he's in love with a girl with such a great sense of humor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 684

You deserved it 13 136

Helping hand

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 262

By LonelyBoy - 16/03/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I realized my girlfriend has way more friends than I do. How did I realize this? She called me to tell me she was at the beach with her friends and how much fun she was having. I was playing WoW in my room, and my friends don't answer my texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 640

You deserved it 26 865

By Anonymous - 20/07/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I went out to eat at a restaurant. When the waitress saw me, she continously told me how beautiful and kind I was. Flattered, I just said thank you. Five minutes later, one of the ugliest girls I've ever seen in my life walked in. The waitress told her the same exact things she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 550

You deserved it 13 536

By peevedMcGee - 23/11/2018 17:30

Today, my cat pooped on the floor. After cleaning it up, I’m fairly certain it was not my cat but instead my roommate, who I also suspect is pooping in the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 206

By Terra - 19/11/2016 05:14

Today, I logged on Facebook and saw my friend who'd been engaged, then broke the engagement, then got back together announce their new wedding date: three days before my wedding. She also sent me a message asking if I'd move my date. We've been planning our wedding for two years. She got engaged six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 392

You deserved it 779

By Stilljobless - 19/01/2010 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 069

You deserved it 39 497

Body positivity

By Kortnie Peterman - 06/06/2020 17:03

Spicy

Today, after 3 months of my boyfriend complaining his weight is making him not want sex, I suggested we go for a walk to help us both start to lose weight. He looked at me and said, "You're too fat to go walking." I'm beginning to think my weight is the problem here, not his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 300

By ubbernoob - 05/03/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 245

You deserved it 142 809

By thefuckedupbunny - 18/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 816

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:35

What kind of weed?

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:39

Then later you can all paint the garage, oh it'll be so much fun.

Comments

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:35

What kind of weed?

imustbeinsane 2

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:37

Exactly what I was thinking

spala 2

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:43

Lol same

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:51

Is that what they call it now-a-days?

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 9:11

Ohh Mexican families today

LookOnBrightSide 12

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 9:26

OP, can I join in on your family fun night? All this talk of weed definitely sounds like a good time.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 9:35

You guys pull em.... I'll smoke em!

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 10:45

hey, better than pushin daisies

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 14:43

Pulling weeds as in from the ground. It's to stop the weeds from absorbing all the nutrients so the other plants don't die.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 15:03

There are different kinds of weed?

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 15:47

56- you suck.

KeyboardWarrior 10

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 18:18

59 Cool story bro.

sirhobothesecond 3

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 0:11

Hahaha over a 1000 varieties actually

TheKingOfHearts 19

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Monday 27 July 2015 10:45

SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:39

Then later you can all paint the garage, oh it'll be so much fun.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:45

Be glad you have a loving family that want to spend time together!

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 10:46

after the painting the garage you can all have joyous fun cleaning it!

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 11:45

Switch to LSD then watch the painted garage come to life

lebronesque73091 12

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 20:57

I think the name needs to be changed to something else.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:41

Your comment : fantastic

Chad_the_Brony 0

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:51

Are you retarded or are you OCD to add 'Your comment :' every time you post?

BarDownDaily 12

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:56

16- What if he was? Bet you would feel like an asshole.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 13:07

Maybe it's a feature on the phone/device that can't be removed?

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 1:07

47 - Nope, there's nothing wrong with the app seeing as it's never happened to me and it's all I use.

marigoldcobain 21

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Thursday 25 June 2015 5:30

19, they wouldn't feel like an asshole because they literally just asked if they were ocd. They wouldn't ask if they didn't like one of the only two options.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:43

Our family fun night is when everyone's on the couch, farting & blaming each other for it.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:43

"Pass the joint Mom!"

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:44

With all that hard work, a good conversation is always good and pictures! As dull as the job may be, down the road when looking at old photos, this could be one of the fondest!

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:44

So this is what you do on "family fun night"...I wonder how your chores go.

TorturedXeno 27

Tuesday 24 January 2012 9:21

Maybe OP is Amish and is posting this from.... Oh wait...

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:44

Atleast it's not marijuana..

BarDownDaily 12

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:49

Where does it say that?

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:51

my bad, I thought the OP meant Weed as in drug.

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:55

I think that'd actually be a LOT better than pulling weeds from the yard.

Incredible_92 11

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 9:05

Damn Gohan, for someone with glasses you're really uneducated, or you're the best mastermind troll ever!

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:45

Sounds like my family night.. usually it's the "ten second tidy" with my mom.. like we're on the friggen Big Comfy Couch..

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 7:05

Chillin' with Lunnette and Molly?

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Wednesday 25 January 2012 17:01

A clown and her dolly?

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Tuesday 24 January 2012 8:54

Then after that you guys can clean out the shed, it will be so much fun! FYL.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 266