All the FMLs

I just work here

By stupidapperently - 01/02/2013 04:06 - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 2 418

By whatsername92 - 01/02/2013 03:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 575

You deserved it 4 572

Goddamn it

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 21:29 - United States - Beloit

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 601

You deserved it 2 626

By fuckit - 31/01/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 178

You deserved it 2 501

By heallven - 31/01/2013 12:26 - France - Ostricourt

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 594

You deserved it 11 488

By Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace - 31/01/2013 11:34 - United States - Riverside

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 522

You deserved it 42 309

By I'maboutobarf - 31/01/2013 10:28 - Australia

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 280

You deserved it 2 787

By Why Me? - 31/01/2013 09:07 - United States - Scranton

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 567

You deserved it 5 298

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years decided to buy a $2500 taxidermied wolf on eBay. This is the same guy who refuses to get engaged because it would "cost too much right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 005

You deserved it 5 774

By Anonymous - 31/01/2013 05:40 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 117

You deserved it 38 252

By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 648

You deserved it 28 902

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 892

You deserved it 2 507

By dr mamour - 30/01/2013 21:57 - France - Paris

Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 126

You deserved it 4 091

The most important member of the family

By puppydrama - 30/01/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, my dad and his new wife got their wedding pictures done. Out of over 150 pictures, I was only in one. The family dog was in all of them. In the one picture of me, I was holding the dog's leash while he took a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 088

You deserved it 2 942

By cay - 30/01/2013 19:59 - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 346

You deserved it 3 251

By Denki - 30/01/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 4 518

By Miss Blairgowrie - 30/01/2013 07:52 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 330

You deserved it 2 755

By idislikeblanks - 30/01/2013 07:03 - United States - Lathrop

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 902

You deserved it 4 119

The tried to make me go to rehab…

By motherless - 30/01/2013 03:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother "checked in" to rehab on Facebook. The same rehab that told her to hand over her smartphone. The dumbass was smart enough to steal my phone and dumb enough to get it confiscated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 771

You deserved it 2 835

By theawfulpresent - 30/01/2013 00:28 - United States - Germantown

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 449

By fatty milkshakes - 29/01/2013 22:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my roommate has been switching my protein powder with chocolate milk mix and brown sugar. Since I work out frequently, I've been consuming large amounts of this and have gained at least 10 pounds of fat. His reason? I turned his bookbag inside out. Once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 9 187

By Aspireworks - 29/01/2013 22:46 - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 312

You deserved it 2 795

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 21:23 - United States - Burlington

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 491

You deserved it 6 918

Charming

By jay ze punk - 29/01/2013 19:56 - France - Metz-tessy

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 850

You deserved it 5 244

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 17:41 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 450

You deserved it 10 089

Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 508

You deserved it 3 474

By thegirlofthedad - 29/01/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 701

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 413

You deserved it 8 860

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:23 - United States - Lafayette Hill

Today, I almost died. How? I nearly suffocated after passing out while chewing an entire pack of gum. I should really drink less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 600

You deserved it 46 314

Busted

By faulty number - 28/01/2013 23:25 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. It turns out that the phone number on my resumé was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 772

You deserved it 38 982

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Scams Money Work Weddings Bodyshaming Love Friends My ex Mysterious Miscellaneous AITA Social Media Relatable Capitalism Awkward Food Vegan Books Embarrassing Toys Noise Health Sports Cute Job interview First Dates Animals Cats Pregnancy Birthday

The Top

Today, I got fired from a job that I've had for four days for being too "secretive." Apparently, I was leaning over my notebook so that my boss couldn't stand behind me and read what I was writing. The email literally said I was "being too sneaky". They were work notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 189

You deserved it 1 907

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 692

You deserved it 2 581

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 444

You deserved it 6 136

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 935

You deserved it 48 837

Today i had a patient come into the practice six times to ask about vaccines they've had. Apparently, their "doctor" friend (with a PHD in arts) is a more reliable source of information than trained medical staff telling them, "Yes, that is in that group of vaccines" with a vaccine leaflet, and a head nurse explaining it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 120

Today, I found out I was dead. Yes, you read it right! Apparently, the pickpocket who stole my wallet two days ago was murdered and since his face was quite unrecognizable, they "identified" him with my ID from my wallet. My mom, who heard this on the news, got hysterical and started trashing my room in "grief." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 94