All the FMLs

Hi yeah i know a lot of ya'll are thinking of how dumb am i to wear a nightie and not know the difference..for one thing, it was sold with other dresses and no it's not see through, it actually has an underskirt and the reason my colleague commented was due to the lacy neckline.. and i actually paired it off with a slacks and a cardigan, so no, i'm not working in a brothel though that made me LOL...people can have the silliest idea.. i'm still a bit convinced it's a dress, but nevertheless i'm not wearing it out any more.. cheers!

By BusinessTurtle - 06/10/2012 07:49 - United States - Ames

Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 2 466

BusinessTurtle tells us more.

BusinessTurtle 8

Saturday 6 October 2012 20:10

OP here, I've changed my locks and moved across town and I really don't want to hire a lawyer.

By EastOneTen - 06/10/2012 07:28 - United States

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 333

You deserved it 3 539

By monkers - 06/10/2012 07:12 - Canada - Westlock

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 287

You deserved it 1 784

By Joey - 06/10/2012 05:57 - United States - Reno

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 914

You deserved it 2 363

By fucking har har, dad - 05/10/2012 23:38 - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 582

You deserved it 2 385

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 23:02 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 511

You deserved it 33 592

Boiling point

By sharky - 05/10/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 118

You deserved it 2 047

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 18:22 - United Kingdom - Wokingham

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 844

You deserved it 10 247

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 16:40 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 367

You deserved it 13 390

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 489

You deserved it 29 043

By sketchball - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 624

You deserved it 2 289

By desperate - 05/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 057

You deserved it 5 048

By Darla - 05/10/2012 08:14 - United States - Arcadia

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 754

You deserved it 12 959

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 05:49 - United States

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 665

You deserved it 2 382

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 246

By highschoolsucks - 05/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 488

You deserved it 6 566

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 976

You deserved it 2 582

By imafunguy - 05/10/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 951

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 18:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 2 378

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 948

You deserved it 3 815

By DCarreon - 04/10/2012 07:13 - United States - Ceres

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 3 269

By nonfreehugs - 04/10/2012 05:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 2 533

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The Top

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 249

You deserved it 5 418

Today, I got caught in the rain without an umbrella. I arrived at work looking like a wet rat, and my boss sent me home to change. I forgot my keys at work and ended up locked out of my apartment in the rain. I can't seem to catch a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 233

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 356

You deserved it 4 415

Today, I was sitting behind a cute girl in class. She said she liked musicals, so I played The Greatest Showman at full blast on my headphones. She turned around and moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 1 549

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 125

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 1 896