By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 549
You deserved it 51 990

Same thing different taste

Top comments

team_cookies 11

I bet that's a pain in the ass


That's gotta suck but bring napkins with u. I ways do

Because you never know when you're gonna find yourself taking a dump at a secluded area without toilet paper.

As Towelie always says: "Don't forget to bring a towel when you're going to take a shit in the woods, you never know when you'll need a towel"

48, I read your quotes in Towelie's voice, in my head...

tjv3 10

You pack it in you pack it out!

hanielfavela 6

Or sacrifice one of ur socks next time... Dont you watch man vs wild!?

MrClean17 15

Oh, that's why they put that "FML" part at the end. I never knew

Damn, I thought the FML at the end meant Furry Midget Lemons. You learn something new every day.

Is that why this site is called FML? Wow, mind-blown!

Right? They make biodegradable toilet paper to use in situations like these. Why would you wipe yourself with a plant you dont even know?

Isn't all TP biodegradable?? It always goes away a few months after October, and believe me I've decorated a few trees pretty good.

Or cut up your socks or underwear and go commando.

Sounds like you are in dire need of some calamine lotion. At least next time you walk in the woods you will bring baby wipes with you.

team_cookies 11

I bet that's a pain in the ass

Ivy what you did there. You need to nettle the score with those poisnous plants, OP.

Don't mean to birch in here, but I felt like I had to leaf my own two cents: OP, I wood take this unfortunate incident and tree to learn from it. Use the pain and discomfort as a reminder to be prepared. Deciduous both a favor, as you wouldn't be in pain, and I wouldn't have to read about it.

JT1996_fml 12

You deserve it dumbass, it's easy to tell poisonous plants apart from non-poisonous

I doubt they all have 'This is poisonous' written all over them. He was out of options and probably took it in a haste, it's an honest mistake and mostly bad luck.

Right, because everyone is familiar with all the poisonous plants...

Though it is not easy to identify particular poisonous plants, it is always important to know that poison ivy and poison oak have 3 leaves per stem. Poison sumac has 9 - 4 on each side, 1 on the top. Especially since that all 3 of these types of poisonous plants seem to be the most occurring.

There are poisonous plants other than poison ivy, oak and sumac.

Yes, there are, but it's better to at least know a few of them, then none of them. Besides, the OPs name is poisonivyretard.

I agree with this guy actually. If he had no problem taking a dump and then using leaves to clean himself, then he obviously isn't new to the whole camping experience. He really should have known better...

OP is female to all those saying he ;)

meaganxo 14

It will suck when it starts to itch later on :P

ThePsyche 9

#7 Your comment and profile picture go hand in hand. They both annoy me.

whoo indeed! i find it rather WISE to like owls! ^_~

That's going to be hard to explain to the doctor.. Good luck(:

No it won't be. "I wiped my ass with a poisonous leaf." See, simple. However, it may be hard for the doctor to look at. *shudders*

Wizardo 33

May you feel the pain of a thousand suns crashing down upon you... or Rick Ross crowd surfing on you - Tree

MissWhitneyB 17