Miscellaneous: Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated",...

By Oops - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

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48106

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Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Live dumping

You tried

By thismustbewhyivestrivedtobesmart - United States - Brooklyn

Today, while on vacation, my brother asked a native of the area for help. Once he got it, he thanked them with "muchos gracias" in the best Spanish accent he could do. We're in Japan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10627

You deserved it

996

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47194

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Southlake

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32306

You deserved it

2303

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By MouseChaser - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11938

You deserved it

28213

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47862

You deserved it

5648

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By workaholic

Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9257

You deserved it

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By bruisedandconfused - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54164

You deserved it

10751

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By fmeplease - United Kingdom

Time to pretend

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76091

You deserved it

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By Olerbia - United States

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40016

You deserved it

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By Karl

Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34634

You deserved it

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By TMI - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30449

You deserved it

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By Its_Sinon - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25315

You deserved it

1835

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By Rawr - Switzerland

Today, my grandmother told me she would pay for me to get a nose job. I never thought there was a problem with my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33546

You deserved it

2874

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By rykelmb - United States - Anchorage

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13699

You deserved it

789

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By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26957

You deserved it

1826

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By Alohaporno - Canada

Today, my father described my method of hiding porn on the computer as "extremely naive." I don't know what's worse, that he found my porn or that he's better at hiding his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16267

You deserved it

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By stupidneighbor - United States

Today, I slipped on the ice in front of my apartment, spraining my ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, my neighbor chewed me out for saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on my way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65001

You deserved it

3510

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By Anon - United States

Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57749

You deserved it

3742

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By bummer - United States

Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31616

You deserved it

2157

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By nycol - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26889

You deserved it

5339

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By TeddyBearKiller - United States

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47563

You deserved it

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By Too fast. - Uruguay - Montevideo

Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9100

You deserved it

767

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through my spam folder. I found out that I'd received several emails telling me that I have been sending emails containing essays for a class of mine to the wrong address. The term ended yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27934

You deserved it

11981

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By amilia

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy at a seafood restaurant. I explained to him that I am deathly allergic to shrimp. When the waiter took my order, he interrupted me and said, “She’ll have the shrimp," while looking me dead in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3247

You deserved it

303

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By ZombiKilla - United States - Delta

Today, I went on a date. Met the guy at the restaurant, everything seemed to be going OK, but then he spent the entire dinner talking about Pokemon GO, and wouldn't let me say a word. He suddenly stops talking, gets up, says he, "doesn't feel a connection" and leaves. I had to pay the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18281

You deserved it

1515

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By mom - United States - Spring

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49847

You deserved it

10088

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By mac cayne - France - Strasbourg

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28752

You deserved it

48596

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By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/7/2020 14:01

Kitchen Nightmares

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2493

You deserved it

181

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By gingerninja - United Kingdom

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45358

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31938

You deserved it

2677

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28592

You deserved it

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By a - United States

Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54273

You deserved it

7003

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By something

Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1301

You deserved it

2436

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By not ashamed! - 5/9/2020 07:57 - United States

Double standards

Today, I was told how irresponsible, dangerous and shameful it is to date as a single mom. Apparently, my one and only focus should be my children. I’ve had one boyfriend in the past two years. Meanwhile, my ex-husband has a new flavor of the month around our kids whenever he sees fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

151

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By UkuleleTime - United States - Garner

Today, after walking in on my roommate, I found out that pleasuring yourself with a shoe is a thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if the shoe hadn't been mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32684

You deserved it

2390

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By Henry - United States

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24304

You deserved it

8928

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By bummed and broke - United States

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10813

You deserved it

34834

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By cantprovenothing - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28510

You deserved it

48243

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By Gonzales - Belgium - Leuven

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26599

You deserved it

5612

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By crapped on - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37917

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Welshite | 39

#5528553 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:25

Open mouth, insert foot.

By perdix | 29

#5528563 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

If she did really suck, she wouldn't have gotten dumped ;)

COMMENTS

By Welshite | 39

#5528553 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:25

Open mouth, insert foot.

mn_shr | 22

#5528576 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:31

Honest mistake OP. Happens to everyone.

Wizardo | 33

#5528622 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:03

Freud would be proud...

DustyStorm | 16

#5528625 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:08

It does happen! Hopefully your friend understands and you were able to backtrack and recover nicely. Gotta love that awkward moment after....ughhhh!

kim_larsa | 5

#5528637 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:20

*twinkles toes*

BauerMegan | 31

#5528652 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:38

Ha #1 I lol'ed

fareith | 15

#5528659 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:45

A translation for OP - Open foot, insert mouth

RedWingSD | 6

#5529724 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 10:50

Lol looks like yøu were the one who sucked lol

By supercalyyy | 7

#5528554 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:26

This really sucks! Sorry OP

jakeydudey | 13

#5528598 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:46

I'm not sure if its already been said, but there's a button for that.

fareith | 15

#5528664 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:51

24 - I'm not sure if it's already been said, but you don't have to be a dick about it.

molzipan | 16

#5528785 - Monday 10 June 2013 19:21

I think you came off more as a dick than 24, #37

Ian7890 | 23

#5529533 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 7:09

I think you came off as more of a dick than 37 being a dick to 24, #50

fareith | 15

#5530233 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 18:45

50 - Good job, your understanding of sarcasm and human nature is outstanding.

By cgguardian | 17

#5528557 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:26

Ouch, slip of the tongue...I hope you explained it afterwards! D:

JamieLT | 22

#5528582 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:33

Yeah, bc I'm sure if you did, It is understandable. Little tongue tied. Nbd

By prickly_pear | 9

#5528560 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:27

Awkward.

By perdix | 29

#5528563 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

If she did really suck, she wouldn't have gotten dumped ;)

supercalyyy | 7

#5528570 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

Not if she sucked at sucking ;)

The_Thinker | 18

#5528580 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:32

Oh, dammit perdix! Got there before me, you did.

perdix | 29

#5528588 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:34

#10, Amen to that!

#17, sorry ;)

Pro_Nothing | 9

#5528630 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:16

The thinker must really start to think less and do more

The_Thinker | 18

#5528679 - Monday 10 June 2013 18:13

I know, right?

VampireBiter | 7

#5533265 - Thursday 13 June 2013 17:57

Thank you #6 for reading my mind

By boredSOLDIER | 33

#5528564 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

Should make for a chuckle, tell his ass to cheer up, drink water and drive on with a hard on

Pro_Nothing | 9

#5528636 - Monday 10 June 2013 17:19

OP is female, although the same can be applied except the last is replaced with a lady boner

By JoeGrant | 12

#5528566 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:29

Freudian slips - they'll get you every time.

By Punny | 3

#5528567 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:29

i hope your friend understands

By journeytotheend | 16

#5528571 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

This really devastating

By The_Thinker | 18

#5528572 - Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

On the contrary, if your friend could really suck, I doubt she would've been dumped in the first place.