Miscellaneous: Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated",...

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 138

You deserved it 13 795

Miscellaneous

Vulture

Batman

Secrecy

Today, on Hoarders…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 20:02 - Germany

Today, my mom’s house is so dirty and cluttered, there's hardly any space left for actually living in it. Two months ago, she intended to finally organize and tidy up. Now, she's bought a trailer and is simply moving into that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 69

By sincerely depressed. - 09/08/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 817

You deserved it 40 353

By CaptMacLeod - 26/01/2016 09:18 - United States - Lancaster

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 618

You deserved it 2 115

By Anonymous - 09/05/2013 07:35 - United States - Norfolk

Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 212

You deserved it 3 771

By fuckshit - 04/11/2014 14:01

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 313

You deserved it 4 575

By oouchh - 24/07/2011 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend I still love, and his new girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. Embarrassingly, she was wearing the same top as me. However hers was in size 6, unlike my 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 387

You deserved it 18 744

Extreme makeover

By skunk head - 22/07/2020 05:01

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 389

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 319

You deserved it 2 712

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 499

You deserved it 9 952

By rowie1311 - 27/03/2011 18:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 498

You deserved it 31 021

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to attend a telephone hearing with my landlord, regarding debt and other things. I spent two weeks getting my defence ready. I was prepared and had so much against him. He dropped all complaints but the debt. I had proof it should be reduced or reassessed. He still won and I can’t afford the payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 210

Grey's Anatomy has the same effect

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I discovered that my recent binge-watching of “Young Sheldon” has caused me to hear Jim Parsons’s voice narrating everything I read. Including this FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 641

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 17:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 688

You deserved it 3 124

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 448

You deserved it 7 177

By dam01 - 02/08/2009 07:17 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 237

You deserved it 10 331

By GillyPirate - 10/11/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 628

You deserved it 2 534

By farmvillefail - 09/01/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I found out the best way to communicate with my boyfriend, who is obsessed with farmville, is by placing a "sign post" on his farm. Not sending text, email, or calling, but placing a message on his imaginary farm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 862

You deserved it 4 351

By BikerBuddy - 14/05/2010 01:11 - France

Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 773

You deserved it 46 192

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 607

You deserved it 3 154

By ice cream dude - 10/08/2012 13:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 4 320

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 836

You deserved it 3 329

Statutory

By I don't care if it was consented or not, I'm gonna whoop the shit out of this child-molesting fuck. - 22/09/2021 23:00

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 202

You deserved it 103

People are jerks

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 03:59

Today, I cleaned the two staircases at the hotel where I work. Five minutes later, someone complained they were dirty. Someone had dropped soda and got mud all over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 52

By ModernDayMaid - 25/03/2019 22:00

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 278

By Anonymous - 01/01/2014 17:47 - United States - New Milford

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 9 471

By uhhh what? - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 261

You deserved it 5 518

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 2 678

By Anonymous - 14/01/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 072

You deserved it 4 357

By ScaryOldMan - 07/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 556

You deserved it 13 218

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 120

You deserved it 7 212

By avaiia - 09/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a first date. We really hit it off and wound up watching movies together and talking late into the night. I ignored a developing migraine all night, then tried to leave hurriedly when it got bad. He stalled me leaving by asking what's wrong. I started vomiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 684

You deserved it 1 581

By dumped - 05/06/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because the love advice that she gets on her cellphone every week says that I'm cheating on her. I've never cheated on her and I was planning to propose next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 769

You deserved it 6 245

Thanks, I hate it!

By JacksWag4 - 16/08/2013 22:21 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 431

You deserved it 21 548

By :| - 25/04/2012 18:46 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 2 367

By Noname - 27/02/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 589

You deserved it 5 105

By lovethyneighbour - 04/08/2014 00:19 - Australia - Berowra

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 339

You deserved it 5 517

Oh the times, they are a-changin'

By toelie - 06/11/2017 22:00

Today, as two of my students walked into my classroom, I said, "Hi, ladies". One of them screamed at me: "Did you just assume my gender?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 029

You deserved it 578

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 842

You deserved it 5 733

It's called fashion Dave, look it up!

By Anonymous - 05/06/2020 17:00

Today, my beautiful bride walked towards me in a dress that looked just like a ribbed condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 260

By SomePeoplesKids - 08/05/2012 06:08 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 092

You deserved it 6 261

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Welshite 39

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:25

Open mouth, insert foot.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

If she did really suck, she wouldn't have gotten dumped ;)

Welshite 39

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:25

Open mouth, insert foot.

mn_shr 22

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:31

Honest mistake OP. Happens to everyone.

Wizardo 33

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:03

Freud would be proud...

DustyStorm 16

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:08

It does happen! Hopefully your friend understands and you were able to backtrack and recover nicely. Gotta love that awkward moment after....ughhhh!

kim_larsa 5

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:20

*twinkles toes*

BauerMegan 31

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:38

Ha #1 I lol'ed

fareith 15

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:45

A translation for OP - Open foot, insert mouth

RedWingSD 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 June 2013 10:50

Lol looks like yøu were the one who sucked lol

supercalyyy 7

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:26

This really sucks! Sorry OP

jakeydudey 13

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:46

I'm not sure if its already been said, but there's a button for that.

fareith 15

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:51

24 - I'm not sure if it's already been said, but you don't have to be a dick about it.

molzipan 16

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 19:21

I think you came off more as a dick than 24, #37

Ian7890 23

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 June 2013 7:09

I think you came off as more of a dick than 37 being a dick to 24, #50

fareith 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 June 2013 18:45

50 - Good job, your understanding of sarcasm and human nature is outstanding.

cgguardian 17

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:26

Ouch, slip of the tongue...I hope you explained it afterwards! D:

JamieLT 22

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:33

Yeah, bc I'm sure if you did, It is understandable. Little tongue tied. Nbd

prickly_pear 9

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:27

Awkward.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

If she did really suck, she wouldn't have gotten dumped ;)

supercalyyy 7

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

Not if she sucked at sucking ;)

The_Thinker 18

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:32

Oh, dammit perdix! Got there before me, you did.

perdix 29

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:34

#10, Amen to that! #17, sorry ;)

Pro_Nothing 9

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:16

The thinker must really start to think less and do more

The_Thinker 18

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 18:13

I know, right?

VampireBiter 7

Send a private message

Thursday 13 June 2013 17:57

Thank you #6 for reading my mind

boredSOLDIER 33

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:28

Should make for a chuckle, tell his ass to cheer up, drink water and drive on with a hard on

Pro_Nothing 9

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 17:19

OP is female, although the same can be applied except the last is replaced with a lady boner

JoeGrant 12

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:29

Freudian slips - they'll get you every time.

Punny 3

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:29

i hope your friend understands

journeytotheend 16

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

This really devastating

The_Thinker 18

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 16:30

On the contrary, if your friend could really suck, I doubt she would've been dumped in the first place.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 790

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 029

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments